What do you think? Am i being unreasonable?

[pumpkin007]

Hi there, I am having a bit of an issue over boys names. My husband is a third generation Robert Edward, and wants to call our baby, if a boy the same to carry on tradition. We had the same issues last time I was pregnant, to the point I was so unhappy with all the arguing over this issue. Thankfully I had a girl.

I have never been a believer in naming a child after someone, however I have no problem in honouring the name as a second, I think I am more opposed to the way he has gone about this, not even taking my opinion into consideration, he wont discuss this and is adamant this is happening! We are staying team yellow and I am anxious incase I have a boy. ( I know this seems so trivial to many, its only a name, but I feel it should be a decision we make together), it makes me almost dread having a boy . I haven't bought the subject up as yet as I feel totally defeated before I start and know it will be the start of endless stress, however on the other hand I want to bring it up so I am not stressed after the birth. I just wish he would compromise, I would even be open to calling it Bobby, but I feel he will not give at all on this issue.

Thanks for your opinions. x

 

[Bex84]

He is being unfair it should be discussed. My lo is named after my grandma but if dh had not liked it, it would be no. Theres names i like dh doesent and vice verser and we just cross of list. You are giving birth and carrying this baby so you should have a say. After i gave birth first time dh said i could pick out if our names as he had seen the pain i went through lol we did decide together though. Your oh is being selfish

 

[emyandpotato]

No, he's being an idiot to not even discuss it. If I were you I'd choose your favourite name, put Robert Edward as middle names, and say you're not discussing it, and that that'll be his name!

 

[Bex84]

No, he's being an idiot to not even discuss it. If I were you I'd choose your favourite name, put Robert Edward as middle names, and say you're not discussing it, and that that'll be his name!

Totally agree with this advice

 

[Mrs HM]

I can't believe that your DH feels he doesn't have to discuss this with you! It clearly means a lot to him, but this will/could be your DS too. I wonder if his mother went happily along with the plans when she decided to name her son after the tradition?? I can never understand why men (and it is usually men) want their child named after them. Very rare for a woman to name her child after herself IMO.

Personally I'd confront this head on as I'd be very weary of him registering the birth/name by himself if he isn't fully aware of how much this issue upsets you. I'm not saying he would as I obviously don't know you both, but it's what I would be afraid my husband might do to get his own way!

 

[MummyMana]

Could you perhaps call him Robert on paper but refer to him as Bobby as a compromise? If we had a boy he was going to be named Kenny but would be Kenneth on the birth certificate.

 

[PugLuvAh]

You both need to be on board with the name. And if its that important to him then he needs to be willing to compromise.

Could you perhaps call him Robert on paper but refer to him as Bobby as a compromise? If we had a boy he was going to be named Kenny but would be Kenneth on the birth certificate.

I agree with this--if you are ok with "Bobby" I think this is the best compromise for both of you. Robert on the birth certificate but called Bobby. If you don't like Bobby, then I think the compromise is using Robert Edward as middle names. I would propose those options and if neither are appealing to him then I don't think he's being reasonable at all. You are being more than flexible with these options, and if neither is appealing to him then I think you guys need to choose completely different names that are not currently on either of your "favorites" list.

Good luck!

 

[pumpkin007]

Thanks guys, I will be brave and approach it sooner rather than later. I really dislike the name Robert which makes it even worse for me, that is why I still wouldn't be happy with having that as the official name as even though we could refer to him as Bobby outside the home he would still be Robert. I feel Bobby would be a compromise, and his dad was always refered to as Bobby so we would be still honouring his dad, no one in his family will even acknowledge his granddad as I don't believe he was very nice to his family, so really don't understand why he would want to follow the tradition still? Lets hope its another girl x

 

[modified]

No, he's being an idiot to not even discuss it. If I were you I'd choose your favourite name, put Robert Edward as middle names, and say you're not discussing it, and that that'll be his name!

This!!

My husband would be told straight up to get his head out his arse and remember I'm the parent too!

 

[JJKCB]

why not use:

Edward ?
or
? Edward

why do you hate Robert?

what about Roberto or just Rob?

or Robert ? and then go by the middle name (quite common with juniors)

 

[wannabemomy37]

I am in no way a fan of naming my son after his father. Seems unfair in all honesty, as they typically get the father's last name regardless and there are SO many other name options out there that I clearly just don't understand why you'd need to re-use a certain name a billion times within a family. Just my opinion, sorry if that offends anyone.

If my SO was named Robert Edward, I would suggest the compromise of something like:
Harrison Robert
David Robert
Anthony Robert

or, seeing as you're not a fan of Robert, perhaps something along the lines of:
Edward Oliver
James Edward
Thomas Edward
Phillip Edward

Failing those options, I'd just say screw the tradition and go with something such as:
Jacob Thomas
Michael Andrew
Kyle Ryan
Tyler Anthony

 

[pumpkin007]

Well, it finally came up in conversation last night! It sort of went, hubby" when we going to argue about the name" me " we r not going to argue as we are going to come up with a name together" hubby " we will talk about it another day, or when its born so we haven't time to argue". He then refused to talk about it and I am so pissed off. I had stupidly hoped he may have been a bit more reasonable this time, given the fact we have lost 4 babies over the last 3 years, and seeing what I have been through. That is why I was willing to go with Bobby, but I am so angry he is bullying me into this, I really dnt know what to do when he wont discuss it.

 

[Bex84]

Poor you, just tell him if he wont discuss it you will decide on a name and he will get no say, tell him that since you are carrying this baby and giving birth you deserve a say and you wont be bullied. Its not just up to him to decide and if he wants to play at that just pick a name yourself. You will be exhausted after birth and you want to enjoy time with newborn, not be arguing. I cant understand why he needs to be so controlling over baby having his name. Im so sorry your going through this, maybe if you say that you will decide if he doesent discuss that will show him how he is making you feel

 

[JJKCB]

I agree say 'the name is 100% decided before the birth or you dont have a say'...

I hate when women cut the man out with the 'I gave birth so its my baby' stuff but in cases like this the man needs to be told its not all about HIM its a join partnership and be reminded of that, fathers rights are improved now a days but he has no legal rights to name the child at all its something you're allowing him a say in

my OH refused to talk about his choices before hand and it drove me mad... our son main day to day name was picked by me and agreed on (he liked it too) but his choice we ended up with Cain (which im not a huge fan of) so now we have the next 4 children (2 boys, 2 girls) names picked completely in advance so it cant happen again

just as a side note: if your married some places will allow the man to fill out the name forms, I have heard many horror stories of the man registering the child against the mothers choice so either register him/her together or by yourself

 

[Bex84]

Me and dh both write a list and then just discuss what we like off both and then decide. It does sound like your dh is trying to wear you down and it isnt fair. My uncle tried the birth certificate one with my aunt for my cousins name hence she is called by her middle name and you can change name for first 6 months

 

[pumpkin007]

Me and dh both write a list and then just discuss what we like off both and then decide. It does sound like your dh is trying to wear you down and it isnt fair. My uncle tried the birth certificate one with my aunt for my cousins name hence she is called by her middle name and you can change name for first 6 months

This is what we did with my daughter, we both did a list which is how it should be done in my opinion. I would never rail road him into a name he didn't like.

I am trying to compromise, I will have it as a second name or possibly go with Bobby. I just feel it should be a joint decision, and I shouldn't be made to feel like the bad guy in all this. I am not a fan of calling a child after relatives anyway tbh, and having two Robert Edwards in the house will be a nightmare!

I also believe that sometimes babies don't look like the name you picked, we had decided on Olivia for our daughter, and 3 weeks after she was born changed it to Maya, she just didn't look like an Olivia lol x

Thanks for all your support, think his timing is pretty shit too, hormones have hit me pretty hard this week

 

[SophieWilson]

It's obviously a family tradition. Could you not use them as middle names as some sort of middle ground?

 

[pumpkin007]

It's obviously a family tradition. Could you not use them as middle names as some sort of middle ground?

I am quite happy to use then as middle names but he won't hear of it, it has to be first!

 

[pippi_89]

I'm with pps! He either discusses it or gets no say at all.

I understand it's probably something he's had had his heart set on for a long time but what he is doing is still totally out of order! You are obviously more than willing to compromise, he needs to do the same, disappointed or not!

 

[Eleanor ace]

Ugh he's being totally unreasonable. I think that having them as middle names, or going with Bobby is totally reasonable- more than a lot of people would agree to when they don't particularly like the names! The fact that he wants both the first and middle names exactly as he likes is rediculous. Stick to your guns and he is just going to have to compromise!