what if he is not ready....

[2ndchance]

Im in a relationship with a man that does not want another child at this time (b/c of school) but his son is by a relationship 6 years before me. Im 24 years old and i want a baby... thats all i think about and try not to talk to him about it. I know this is a bad sign about our relationship and not something to bring a child into that is why i wait .... so how to i handle my wants?....

 

[welshlass]

1

 

[buttercup3]

I am in the same position and unfortunately I have no insight into what you should do - as I am not sure what I am going to do! There is no option of me leaving my OH because I love him more than anything but I want children in the very foreseeable future and he does not for a long time. I feel as though I am waiting around for him to decide what he wants us to do - which is a big bummer but whats a girl to do?!

Sorry I have no advice xx

 

[readynwilling]

you make him ready

No seriously i am in the exact same boat about not talking to him about it. Its on my mind 24/7 and i just want to tell him how i feel but its scary... i takes a lot of guts to ask him about it... i just don't want him to feel scared or like im pushing him.. But he has slowly come around to the idea.

 

[Cinnamon]

My trick was to say stray easy going comments only now and again. Like, "I like the name Paula for a girl, what about you?"(Without saying for our future baby or anything, that helps so they don't take their imagination astray). Or maybe "Oh look at those baby shoes, aren't they cute..." With comments like that it started clicking to him I want a baby soon but without saying so, just as a comment you just think of in the spur of the moment kind of thing. I must admit DH has never been against having a baby but we had never talked about it seriously until I started my "subtle bombarding". He now says he likes Paula for a girl (maybe by now he's heard it and grown to like it) as before he didn't like it because his boss is called Pauly... I think saying it enough times in an "unannoying" way for them their mind slowly makes it's way around the idea until they get used to it and then accept it. Once that happens then you can try and get him to pick a date, although in my case I picked the date acording to our future events. Good luck girls and try and make it happen before giving up on something good (that is baby or OH).xxx

 

[zenaharrison]

i'm loving the comment from cinnamon, i did and still do all what cinnamon has sed to my oh, even tho we have sed that we will start ttc in july it not the main subject at the mo as we have booked a holiday to disnyland for my 8 year old son and this so the subjest of the month lol, it nice just to bring it up now and again with little subtle comments.

 

[2ndchance]

thanks everyone for your input ... I will fall back alittle so that i wont run him off. I love him. He is a great father and i love to hear him read to his son..... awww maybe someone should put some fire under his bottom lololol

 

[Tudor Rose]

i waited 2 years for my husband to get his head round having another child.

 

[mummy3]

Gosh I cant imagine being in this situation, if it were me I would just tell my feelings and let it develop, if you keep it too bottled up you may get very resentful when it may nt even be necessary

 

[readynwilling]

My trick was to say stray easy going comments only now and again. Like, "I like the name Paula for a girl, what about you?"(Without saying for our future baby or anything, that helps so they don't take their imagination astray). Or maybe "Oh look at those baby shoes, aren't they cute..." With comments like that it started clicking to him I want a baby soon but without saying so, just as a comment you just think of in the spur of the moment kind of thing. I must admit DH has never been against having a baby but we had never talked about it seriously until I started my "subtle bombarding". He now says he likes Paula for a girl (maybe by now he's heard it and grown to like it) as before he didn't like it because his boss is called Pauly... I think saying it enough times in an "unannoying" way for them their mind slowly makes it's way around the idea until they get used to it and then accept it. Once that happens then you can try and get him to pick a date, although in my case I picked the date acording to our future events. Good luck girls and try and make it happen before giving up on something good (that is baby or OH).xxx

Thats some of the best advice i've seen on here regarding this topic. Its great. Im gonna try sneaking in one "non baby" baby comment everyday.

 

[kate.m.]

Im in a similar situation too. Ive always wanted children, and the feeling is growing stronger each day. He does want children some day- but if it were up to him he'd probably just forget about ever bothering to try! It was (still is) on my mind 24/7, id try and not talk about it (because i felt like i was trying to push him into it, and i thought i was becoming a bit of a whinger!) but it was always there at the back of my mind. Eventually, with me making enough little comments and making him realise that everything i experienced in life made me want babies (lol!) we set a date to try.

Im not sure what exactly did it in the end, i suppose he just saw how much i want it, and that it will be such a fantastic thing (and not at all scary!)

Now, i dont know the full history, but im wondering if your fella's worried that whatever happened with his child's mum would happen to you two once a baby arrived? Of course, it might not be that, suppose it depends on why they split up? He might just be being a silly bloke- I have one of them n they are a pain in the arse! lol!

 

[2ndchance]

yeah your right cinnamon gives great ideas.... thanks everyone

 

[2ndchance]

ms kate .. i believe that might be the case about his other childs mother but I also believe it has to do with him founding out he had lymp cancer in 06 and now he is afraid he will not be there for his child...but he has been cleared of the cancer for a year (almost), we have another doctors appt for him next week, then we will know for sure .... but the reason he gave me was school...

 

[sleepinbeauty]

My OH doesn't want kids period. But I *need* to have at least one. NOW. I feel you.

 

[twiggy56]

Hi ladies, i hope you dont mind me straying over from ttc....but thought my story might help?

I met my OH wen i was 17 and he was 27...now you would of thought he'd have his babybrain in gear by then...but he never did mention it and never ever rushed me into anything, anywho..im now 20 and he's 30 and after my close friend having a baby it made me begin to think- i was lucky to be with my OH as wen i decided to try- he'd be up for it right?! -not so much......i subtly dropped hints about how gorgeous my friend's baby is, say things like 'aw how cute r these?' to a tiny pair of baby booties in a shop etc...after doing this and getting nowhere we were sitting on the sofa and i said you know, we would have pretty babies and started stepping carefully around the issue...eventually after a few 'mini-converstaions' about it...we were bd'ing one night and he just said to be 'the idea of trying isnt so bad you know'...and that was it- we'v now just had our first cycle of trying!!

so anyway- sorry for the long post- but i just wanted to say that slowly getting them used to the idea really worked for me- and as long as you dont overwhelm them with tmi they might just come round comfortably?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Cinnamon]

Oh 2ndchance I'm sorry but happy he's so close to the all clear. Take it easy and be sure to reasure him as it is a human feeling to want to be there for your kids forever... xxxxxxx

 

[sleepinbeauty]

thanks, twiggy. It makes it sting a little less.