what if?!?!?(warning long post sorry)

[gnomette]

hi all not really expecting any replies just in a mood to think what if? what if my angel had never grown wings? what if she had been in the right place(she was ectopic) what would i be doin right now? i would be getting ready for her to be here with me! to hold her getting out my sons cot an wobbling around an feeling her move and all that stuff! she would have been due on the 16th an i know it may sound strange but it has just sort of caught up on me! been keeping busy an al of a sudden its hit not sure why not sure whats triggered it off! it could be all the people i know with their bumps an proudly showing them off an buying things? or it could be all our friends who have had babies having their christenings an having to buy the pressies having to buy the baby toys! or maybe its cause everyday i feel a little guilty for planning normal things like going on holiday an knowing in the back of my head that i should be taking her with me! i dont know an i am not sure any of this makes sense but hay this is my ramblings just had to out it out there in the hope i am not crazy i seem to be the only one whos noticed dh seems to be either ignoring it or just not talking what ever his reason i feel alone abandoned an like i am crazy like i failed my baby and my dearest husband! i know things are easier somtimes than others! like i said i dont expect replies just wanted to tell some one in the hope things start to feel easier thank you for just reading! i'll feel like i have told someone!

 

[samzi]

oh hun

 

[babytots]

oh hunni what you are feeling is completely normal. we all have the what ifs and especially at the due dates. i found it so hard to get through my first angels due date as he was due 2 days before xmas. my 2nd loss wasnt as hard to get through but i still had those what ifs going in in my head and now with jessica i ask the what ifs all the time.

hunni it will take time but it does get easier. my first 2 angels i no longer feel sad about though i miss them dearly. if i hadnt lost them well i would of never had jessica in my life for those 19 precious weeks even though i lost her too. things happen for a reason and though iy may be hard to see right now in the future it wont. i am determined i will get my healthy baby and then my 3 angels deaths wont have been in vain if that makes sense.x

 

[NickyT75]

You didnt fail anyone sweetheart

the EDD is hard - the anniversary will be hard too it hurts so much and will always hurt but it does get easier xx

 

[CarCam]