What my sister said to me today

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by JASMAK, Oct 10, 2008.

  1. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    We were talking about how her Thanksgiving plans got cancelled this weekend (Thanksgiving this weekend in Canada). She said that they were cancelled right after my "little miscarraige thingy".
     
  2. Alexas Mommy

    Alexas Mommy Well-Known Member

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    was she blaming you for her plans being cancelled?
     
  3. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    i really think she needs to be more sensetive, im sure you wouldnt have wanted any plans canceled..and it certainly isnt your fault...some people make me sooo mad :hissy:
     
  4. louisaL

    louisaL Trying for number 1

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    what a horrible way to call a miscarriage! how degrading!
     
  5. chrissie33

    chrissie33 Mummy to two monkeys

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    That was an insensitive thing to say - is this normal for your sister though? If it is not, maybe it could be that she didnt really mean to say it in that way.... we all know people say things to you when you have mc that they didnt mean to actually cause pain but the way it comes across it does.
     
  6. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    It is pretty much like her. And, it is not like she doesn't know what I am going through. She had two ectopics and can't have anymore children now (she has three, she wanted four). But, she is pretty unsupportive overall. The night it happened, I just wanted her to come to the house so Rob and I could go in and get checked, and she refused, even though my mother was going to be there in an hour, and that was all she needed to be there for, she said she was tired. I was pretty upset by that, because when she went through her ectopics, I was there for her, in the middle of the night, driving her and staying with her in the hospital all day and night. I just needed her for an hour. I told her later that I was dissapointed, and she accused me of blaming her for the m/c!!! That is exactly the way she is. So, yeah her comment came out, and I did feel that she was blaming me for the cancellation (it was my mom cancelling on her). When she said the comment to me, it sounded very spiteful. I almost hung up on her. I wish I did because yesterday was the first day I felt like I could face the world, and she made it bad again. :(
     
  7. chrissie33

    chrissie33 Mummy to two monkeys

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    Oh hun, im sorry she behaved like that. Perhaps when you are feeling a little more yourself you should speak to her about her behaviour and how it made you feel. You are well within your right to have the discussion with her as she may be completely oblivious to her actions (many people are)! Some people are givers and others takers, I can already tell which category you and your sister fall into from your story (sorry to be mean, I do not wish to offend you by being judgemental about your sisters actions, but she should have had more sympathy! regardless of whether she has been through it herself).
     
  8. NickyT75

    NickyT75 RIP Sophie my angel

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    :hug:

    "little miscarriage thingy"??!!! OMG! I am speechless that someone could be so insensitive!!

    I am so sorry for your loss hun :hugs: xx
     
  9. cleckner04

    cleckner04 Well-Known Member

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    She sounds very cruel and even a bit immature. There is no excuse for someone to say something like that. :hugs: I'm sorry you have to deal with her saying hurtful things.
     
  10. Chris77

    Chris77 Mommy to PJ and Gavin

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    omg how heartless!! :growlmad: She sounds like she has an awful lot of growing up to do! :hugs:
     
  11. diva4180

    diva4180 Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry, but what a bitch! I'm so sorry she said that to you hun, you don't deserve that :(
     
  12. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    Wow! I am speechless. Maybe deep down inside she is a little jealous of what you have: a great family that loves you no matter what.

    How would she have felt had you said the same things to her when she had her ectopic pregnancies? My guess is pretty rotten.

    Is she perhaps angry that you are still able to have children and she's not? Just a thought.

    Please take care of yourself. Try not to allow her to make you more upset than you already are. We're all thinking of you. :hug:
     
  13. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    I have, unfortunately, thought that many times too. Just because she is so mean, and also when I did tell her that I was PG, she sounded dissapointed, not happy. Now, I know that perhaps it brings back painful memories for her, or perhaps she is still upset, but, she doesn't have to go and be purposefully hurtful. Not matter how hurt I am feeling, I would never make anyone feel awful on purpose, just because I am grieving.
     
  14. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    I know you wouldn't make anyone feel that way, either would I. Isn't it odd how two people raised in the same household, can act and treat others in complete opposite ways.

    You're absolutely right hun, she has no right to speak that way to anyone. I feel just terrible for you right now. What you need is her caring support, and that's not what she's willing to give you right now.

    Sending you my love. :hug:
     
  15. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    What's even more funny, is that her and I are identical twins, but we really are very different.
     
  16. applegirl

    applegirl mum of 1 and adopting

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    oh jasmak - I'm so sorry you are not getting better support from your sister. hope there are others showing you the love you need : hug:
     
  17. sam's mum

    sam's mum mum of two gorgeous boys

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    :hugs: What an awful thing to say! I'm so sorry she's not being more supportive :( x
     
  18. FunnyBunny

    FunnyBunny Mummy 2 a gorgeous girl

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    How awful of her.

    Sometimes i feel like saying to people please do not say anything at all bacause what ever comes out of your month however well meant hurts me.

    This morning I had a call from my SIL to say that one of her friends had a baby boy this morning, and she thought she would call me so as not to upset me??!!?? Then starting going on about how it was a 10lb baby delivered naturally and she wouldn't like to delivery that and said "you now what like" well no I don't actually, she knows I have had 2 miscarriages in 5 months and still comes out with these insensitive things. I know she means well but she always end up upsetting me - am I being to insensitive?
     
  19. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    I often wonder if I am being too sensitive aswell. The day I had the m/c confirmed by u/s, I went to the drug store to pick up pads, and teh clerk asked how my day was, and I said "terrible, I just lost my baby, please just ring it through!". I then said sorry, but, I just am WAAAAY too sensitive at this point! LOL!
     
  20. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    When I had my prescription filled after my second surgery, the pharmacist kept asking me questions about the type of infection I had, as it was a pretty high dose. At first I wasn't giving him a direct answer. The script was written by my doctor and was the correct dosage. He kept going on about how it must be quite an infection. I remember bawling and saying that it was a uterine infection as I had a miscarriage and the first surgeon didn't remove everything so I had to have a second d&c, and have a severe infection because of it. He put his head down and said sorry.

    With that in mind, you are allowed to be sensitive right now. You have just suffered another loss. You certainly will catch cashiers, bus drivers, waitresses, etc off guard though. I remember going into Macs Milk for a few items and the cashier was bitching about how her day was going. I then shared my news with her and told her that things could be a lot worse for her.

    Take care of yourself hun. You have the right to grieve. :hug: to your whole family.
     

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