What to do..... BFF is in the hospital right now about to have #3

[purechaos109]

I'm so torn about this subject it isn't even funny!

My best friend and I are like 2 pees in a pod! We talk on average well over 2000 min a month (we have the cell bills to prove it)! We have the same birthday and we had our #1's 2 months apart! We have always gone through almost everything together! When one of us got in trouble usually the other would too, our significant others worked the same job for 2 seasons (it is one of the hardest jobs in the country so hard they can't even let the "dirty jobs" guys film it because its so dangerous its 12hrs a day 7 days a week sometimes for months on end)!

She had her # 2 18 months ago and it was right around the time that I started wanting another baby (well maybe a few months after but close enough)! We both started talking about ttc together around Jan of 09 and we both went off BC in May of 09! She got pregnant in oct of 09 and I didn't!

Now she is is 40 weeks and I still haven't gotten pregnant but she is in the hospital checked in right now having her baby! I have to remain a somewhat happy exterior because I have convinced her that I am going to be ok to come see him when she has him! I can not miss this event she is my best friend and if she knew how upset I was about it she would not let me come! So now I really have no one to talk to about my feelings about this because no one understands! My only other friend that I can discuss this with is very fertile and basically her OH only had to look at her and they got prego (they weren't even trying)!

So I need a pep talk something fierce! I have roughly 16 hrs to compose myself before I go see her!

 

[wishful think]

hi ya, I had a chat with my sister in law yesterday about this very topic. My friend just had her 2nd baby yesterday. I started ttc in april '09 and I'm still trying. She started ttc her second baby in august '09 and was pregnant in october '09. I was just saying how hard it's gonna be to go and see her and the baby and my sister in law told me of the time she was trying for #1. My sister in law had 2 misses while her best friend was on her 2nd baby. Anyhow her acupuncturist told her that if she started crying when she goes to see her friend and the new baby just say "I'm crying cause I'm just soooooooo happy for u". Thought that was a good way to deal with it. I know how hard it is to be happy for others, my own sister just had a baby 8 weeks ago and it has been soooo hard to be around her and her new bundle of joy but i just have to suck it up and try to be happy for her even though my heart is breaking inside. I end up keeping it all in and having a good cry when i get home!!! No matter what, life keeps moving on even if it seems like its standing still for us and we have to be able to function around babies and pregnant friends or we will find ourselves with no one to turn to!!!

 

[purechaos109]

Thank you!! Unfortunately that excuse won't work lol!! She knows me way way way too well! I don't think I'll start crying but I'm afraid I'm going to get very quiet and she will know the same way she always knows me!

Thats very true about the having to function but up till now I haven't really had to try to function! My cuz got pregnant right as we were ttc but really I don't see her much and I have managed to forget about that fact when I am around her! Good thing too cause Koi is such a cutie!!

It just sucks because i'm so excited to see Kaden (friends baby) but I'm just afraid I'm going to break down and she will be sad on her happy day! IDK!!

 

[Vee_Bee]

I've been TTC for nearly two years and am on Clomid to boost ov.

I'm lucky in that I've never felt like you feel - I'm always over the moon for friends who get pregnant because it means that they haven't had to go through the same problems and heartache as me.

Getting pregnant is miraculous, however you manage to do it, and is something to be celebrated. Be happy for your friend, be supportive and just look forward to the day when it is your turn and you will need the same support and love from her.

It could so easily have been the other way round and BFFs are too important to lose.

Hope you feel better before you go and see her - remember she might be feeling just as worried about seeing you as she knows you wish you were having your next baby too.

Lots of love

Vee
x

 

[wishful think]

i'm sure u will surprise yourself!! I felt the exact same way when my sister had her little boy and my sister and I are close and she knows exactly what me and dh are going through. I just had to be happy for her. I was surprised that i didnt break down but then again i think something just kicks in and u cope with the situation!! Also there might be other family members of hers at the hospital or house and u wont want to break down in front of them because they prob dont know about your issues!!! I remember the day i broke down with my sister's baby but it was when i was holding him and i was on my own in the sitting room and my sister was in the kitchen!!! I hope u will be ok when u go to see your friends baby xxxx

 

[FBbaby]

I know very well how you feel. I have a very close friend who I met when our first children were 2 years old, born weeks apart. We became friends and confided in each other were were trying for number 2. I fell pg and she followed 5 weeks later. With our children so close in age, we became very close and shared all our ups and downs. Then things went wrong with my partner which lead to us separating whilst she went on to have number 3. I was very happy for her then and I became this little girl Godmother.

Then I met my partner and we decided to ttc. I feel pg first month ttc and was about to consider sharing the news with family and some friends when I miscarried. After the event, I told her what had happened and that I would be ttc again and she announced then that she had managed to convince her husband to try for number 4. I was really excited at the prospect of us having children again close in age. She always managed to fall pg easily and well, after falling pregnant myself first month ttc, I stupidly assumed if wouldn't take too long again.

Well, I was wrong! We both went on hols like August, she came back announcing her bfp, I didn't, but that was ok. Then she started bleeding, and confided in me about the experience as no-one but her husband and I knew about the pregnancy and he was clueless about what to do. I supported her through all this stressful time, desperate that she wouldn't go through what I did. Yet when it was confirmed all was well and I still didn't get my bfp, it started getting harder. 6 months later, she was getting bigger, I wasn't, and then we found out that my OH SA was not good. It was a lot to take in.

She gave birth last month and I am still ttc!!! But it is okay and I am looking forward to meeting her baby. I have now detached myself from our shared experience and I can be with her and her family without comparing ourselves. She has been a brilliant friend during this time and always made sure to leave me alone when I needed it, but be there too as a friend. It was clear she understood what it was like for me and always respected that it was hard for me. I know now that she suffered badly from MS but she never told me.

Good luck to you, hopefully you will be able to detach yourself too from her situation and just feel trully happy for her without feeling absolute crap for yourself. She sounds like a good friend and will understand how you feel. If it is too much and you feel you have to take some time off, then do so, explain her why and hopefully she will know that you will come back to her when you are feeling better, or even better to let her know about your BFP very soon.

 

[purechaos109]

So he was born this morning at 7:44am (my time so only 4 hrs ago)! I'm having trouble putting into words what I feel! When I first read the txt she sent me I was happy for her but now I'm selfishly sitting here thinking about when I get my bfp it just won't be the same! We always discuss everything and this is her last baby! IDK I can't deal right now! It doesn't help that AF is late and still nothing but BFN so I know its coming but i am just in pain until it does! So thank you guys! I'm sure I can pull it together in time to go see him (she is allergic to the eppy and she got it anyway so she has been puking all morning)!