What to do?

[KiansMummy]

Hey all im just after a little bit of advice. FOB hasnt seen LO (5 months) since xmas day for about 45 minutes, the whole contact issue has gone through the solicitors and we have recently been to mediation. FOB used to see LO 2wce a week but contact was always quite irregular then and sometimes didnt happen but he so him until november, and then when everything went to the solicitors contact stopped! Anyway at mediation we came up with an agreement that FOB would come to our house and spend time with LO for an hour each wednesday, and on saturdays i take LO to FOB's house and leave him unsupervied for an hour. FOB came today and LO cried for the whole hour he was here, i took him back from FOB settled him and passed him back several times and when passed back he got really upset again, anything FOB did, didnt help. Anyway im really worried now about saturdays contact when im meant to be leaving LO at FOB's house, i know LO is going to have to learn sometime, but its just heartbreaking for me watching him crying and the thought of him being left and really unhappy (even if it is just for 1 hour) really makes me feel sick! What shall i do? x

 

[xKARENxBABYx]

tbh hun i woudl say if he gets really bad he should phone you.. thought its not kian that should learn its FOB should learn to settle him no way would i leave aiden if FOB could'nt settle him hes just started settling him so i let him have him sundays.. though he wants more! or you could leave him 10mins? and go bk and check hes ok? then leave again? let me know how it goes! (ps im really crap at advise!)

 

[sophiew]

He's probably going to feel really rejected... Which means he'll do one of two things. Either shove you away during this hour so he doesn't have to admit his bond with his child isn't very strong. Or he's going to reach out to you. I'd sit down and explain to him.. It's normal for a child to do this and he's not to take it personally... And that if he feels he needs you there, he should just call. Make yourself openly available without barging in if that makes sense. xx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

I would phone your solicitor and explain what went on when he last came round and say you are concerned about the unsupervised visit that is coming up. I saw a solicitor on Tuesday and her advise was great. I really would recommend you seek some legal advice on this as the arrangement you have in place may not be working i.e. there is not enough regular supervised contact taking place for your LO to know and recognise FOB so that unsupervised access can take place.

x

 

[littlekitten8]

I agree with WhiteGeisha. I would want much more supervised access before allowing unsupervised access. A baby of that age doesn't understand that he is daddy, all he understands is that mummy isn't there. Speak to your solicitor and explain your concerns. Hope all goes well hun x

 

[Buggie.]

I really think you should give your FOB his chance to bond with the baby. I know how it must make you feel, but just make it known to your ex that if the baby gets overly upset to give you a call and you will come settle him if it is needed. But I think its important that your ex and your son get their one-on-one time to bond, and if your ex doesn't learn how to calm/soothe him now, when will he learn? Its just a matter of getting used to one another. I would at least give it a go 1 time before calling to make different arrangements.