what to do?

[gml11]

i've been seeing this lad for over a year, but we've never got together properly, although that's what i always wanted... but to him i was just sex. i recently found out that i'm not the only one he's been sleeping with and so yesterday i went for a sexual health check. i had all the tests and the woman said everything looks fine and she's pretty confident that i don't have anything... and then i got asked to do a pregnancy test, and yep, it came back positive. i did one when i got back home too just to make sure they hadn't made a mistake but that was positive too.

i don't know what to do about it.. i haven't spoken to the guy for a few weeks and i know if i get in touch and tell him he's gonna go crazy and tell me to get rid of it (i also found out he got another girl pregnant and made her have an abortion)

i always said i would never have an abortion, but would it be unfair to bring a child into the world with a dad that wouldn't care about it and never cared about its mother? it just seems like the baby has been made in such horrible circumstances, like it hasn't been made out of love and i can't decide which would be worse, carrying on with the pregnancy or.. not?

i feel like i'm gonna be a bad person either way.

i don't know if i've made any sense but my head is all over the place at the moment. i suppose my question is has anyone here kept a baby that was a result of just sex and do you think it's a good idea?

 

[Serene123]

How old are you? If you don't mind me asking?

 

[gml11]

i'm 18

 

[Serene123]

Right good, just checking you're not 11

You need to think about this seriously. Not aww cute baby. I was 18 when I fell pregnant and I could never have had an abortion so I didn't consider everything atall. I love my little girl, I do not regret my little girl, but I do wish she came later in my life. I can't go out with my friends, I can't have a bath on my own, I can't wait the TV programmes I want to watch. My life is hers. It's very hard being a mum, more difficult than you can imagine.

That said, being her mum is the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life and I'm so proud of myself and my little princess!

Are you at college? School? Anything? Do you have a job? Do you live on your own? Are you ready to get a job and live on your own?

You need to think about everything and make a decision for you. Follow your heart but don't leave your head behind.

Good luck x

 

[bump#3]

as long as you love your baby it will be very happy.

 

[jen1604]

My life is hers. It's very hard being a mum, more difficult than you can imagine.

That said, being her mum is the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life and I'm so proud of myself and my little princess!

Toria is right,having a baby is HARD work and your life wont ever be just yours again.You wont be able to do the things you do now,go out whenever you want,sleep whenever you want,etc.

Are you at college? School? Anything? Do you have a job? Do you live on your own? Are you ready to get a job and live on your own?

You need to think about everything and make a decision for you. Follow your heart but don't leave your head behind.

Good luck x

^^Completely agree with this.Just because the dad isnt around doesnt mean you cant have this baby and be an excellent parent but you need to think everything through long and hard.
You need to think about what kind of support you will have emotionally and financially and the ways that your life would need to change if you decide to keep this baby.
Sending you

 

[nikky0907]

Welcome to the forum :wave:

First of all, don't think that it's not fair to bring a child into the word without a father. There are so many great kids out there who were raised solely by their mothers/grandmothers/relatives.

As Toria said, being a mom is incredibly hard work and it's a completely different life from the one you know right now...
I always thought that if I get into that kind of situation I would terminate but when I actually did get into it I couldn't do it. And I don't regret it the tiniest bit.

Try and work on your finances, plans, living arrangements, talk to your mom or any support person you have...
It's a serious decision and either way will change your life forever.

 

[gml11]

thanks i know it would be hard, but for some reason that's not what scares me. i feel like i could handle it and i know i would love the baby, but like i said before, i just feel like it's wrong that the baby isn't the result of two people in a loving relationship? i dunno

 

[Serene123]

Your baby would be the result of you making a very loving and mature decision to love and care for your baby forever. Your loving decision to bring up a baby that is wanted by YOU and will be loved by YOU no matter what. Whilst he/she is not the result of a loving relationship between you and that guy, he/she is the result of you making the hardest and move love-filled decision of your life.

 

[leeanne]

On the other side of the coin, is it fair to the baby to terminate his/her life and future because of having sex in a non-loving relationship so to speak?

Lots of things to think about and, yes, having babies are a life changing event but many single moms manage to cope and bring up their children well.

Good luck to you!

 

[sarahhoney]

Hi Hon,
I completely agree with the other ladies.

Think about the amount of couples who get divorced once they've had children? Those babies might have been 'made out of love' but it doesn't mean that loves stays anyway.

My parents got divorced when I was little and my Dad was never part of my life and now he's more of a mate than a dad and thats fine by me!

I have an amazing Mum who loves me so much!! Its not about two people who love each other its about whether you could have a baby and would you love it?

This may sound awful but even though I love and adore my hubby and right now we are very happy I also know in my heart that if I had to be a parent alone I could be and I know this because I was raised by a very strong and independent woman x

Just make sure the decision is yours. no one elses, its your body and your future that will change xxx

 

[natalie7]

I got pregnant with my first baby at 15 and sixteen when i had him either decision you make you will have to live with for the rest of your life just hope you make the right one i know i did for me

 

[expmom]

I think the question you need to ask is what do YOU want? Don't worry about him for now, especially if you already have an idea of what he might say. This is YOUR body that is going to have to withstand the pregnancy and the child will be in YOUR care. I know many many ladies who have kept unexpected pregnancies and they've said it was the best decision they ever made. For now, dont worry about him, worry about you and then baby and do whatever you feel is best. It is ultimately YOUR decision though. Good luck! xoxox

 

[Danielle]

deffinatly agree with every 1. you can giv the baby a great life even if it is on ur own, it is very hard work havin a baby but if its what u want u can do it. dont feel bad that if u do tell th father and he goes mad and tells u 2 get rid ov the baby thts his decision, every1s allowed an opinion, might not be the nicest at times but at the end of the day hes not the 1 carrying the baby, u r, and only u can control whether u keep it.

 

[Jemma_x]

Hun i agree with everyone else, If the father is not involved you will love im sure you would love your baby just as much as the two of you would. When you make your decision it has got to be yours and yours only but im sure no matter what you choose it will be the right thing for you.

 

[AppleBlossom]

A baby needs a loving mother. A loving dad is just an added bonus. If you have the financial means and are willing to take on the responsibilty then you should go ahead with it. Good luck with whatever you decide x

 

[LilMama2be]

My current best friend, the dad that she calls "dad" isn't her biological dad, but he might as well be.
She hasn't seen her father since she was 4. and he never calls or send cards or anything.
Your child doesn't need a biological dad, there are plenty of single mothers out there.
even having a boyfriend when your older, could be the father figure.
Dont worry about him, do what you want.

 

[mz_jackie86]

Hey hun,

I wasnt in a relationship with my babies dad, he was my ex but at the time we were just sleeping together and thats all i was to him aswell!!
At first he was ok with it all then he turned nasty and is now not wanting anythin to do with bubz and wishes i got rid of it, doesnt even wanna no when bby is born!
As much as it hurts its not him who will be the full time parent its u, u will do everythin for the child..so i say its your decision! Dont let him influence u, if u was in a relationship i wud say consider it but ur not!
If he cared so much bout not havin babies he shuda wore a condom simple as!

Everyone finds it hard as a parent regardless if uve got everything u need!
Dont let anyone influence your decision, at then end of the day your the one who has to live with it!!!
Hope it works out for you, xxx

 

[XSAM]

hey ,
just thought i would reply to you. im in quite a similar situation myself i havent even told the boy yet as im not even close to him or was even seeing him?
but hey its my own fault im in this situation, but after the shock passed and that ive done the right thing and kept the baby!
dont think i could ever go through with getting an abortion. i thought about it just as i found out. but the baby didnt ask for this, and i dont think its fair to end your own babys life just because its not worked out the way we would have wanted.


just hoping everything works out for me when i decide to tell ppl.
waiting for my scan to come through then i'll take it from there x

gd luck on whatever you decide to do just think about it, just dont rush into anything im glad i never x

 

[xjade_edenx]

hiya

i would like to offer some advice, besides my age lol
I am with my boyfriend and have been for nearly three years, but he lives in london and i live in suffolk with our 10 month old daughter, which i have looked after by my self, it is very hard work but at the end of the day when your baby has learned so much that you alone have tought them its nice sitting down and thinking ' you know what my daughter will larn every thing from me and me alone' and that should be the most rewarding thing ever.
the baby will be made of love, you will love the baby and so will your family, its not cruicial that they have a dad women can look after and raise their children on their own and they should be prased for it
so please consider what i have said.... i am of corse an anti-abortionist. but do what you feel is rite for your baby
good luck and congratulations