What to say, What to say

[xpatchx]

I'm also very much fed up of people telling me I won't be able to do it without pain relief. Fine, I don't know how it feels, but I also know I snapped both my knees in half whilst iceskating once, and I managed to go 3 days in agony with no pain relief then when they tried to put them back into place, I was given gas and air, but the machine was blocked so I wasn't getting any of it. If I can get through that, I'm sure I have some experience.

At the end of the day, you know your own body!

Although I don't envy you not having a midwife at all. That must suck =( I would have thought you would get that free without needing insurance!
Will you have to pay for any medication or anything your child needs?

 

[nightkd]

Sorry if my post came across as disrespecting those who choose to have an epidural etc - I completely respect everyone's right to having the birth that THEY want, it doesn't effect me if someone else chooses to have an epidural because they have a low pain threshold (for example)...

Does get on my wick when people take away the confidence of choosing natural birth, I have a few people in mind who I know will come across as having a 'na-na-nee-na' attitude if I end up going into hospital for drugs or a C-Section; it's extra stress that no pregnant woman needs.

xx

 

[Lara310809]

I am one of the people that would gladly take all the pain relief offered to me, and that was the plan until I heard that they don't offer epis here

But I commend any woman choosing to go without pain relief, because I think it's an amazing decision, and wish I could do the same. Unfortunately for me, I have to, but still. I would say to them something like "I want to feel the expeirence for all it's worth; I don't want my baby to be sluggish and I want to be able to get up and use my legs after the birth" or something like that. It depends how scathing you want to be

 

[nightkd]

I am one of the people that would gladly take all the pain relief offered to me, and that was the plan until I heard that they don't offer epis here

I was gonna order Gas and Air to have at home incase I needed it....They don't do that here!!

Just thought of another thing I have reserved to say - my DH is my birth partner and I'm having him rub my back/hair etc etc - it's important to me that he can take an active role in my pain relief/management. He has a CD to listen to with my hypnobabies, so we can both share the learning experience and learn how to be relaxed throughout the birth, together.

He'll be helping me get into whatever position I feel most comfortable in at the time (obviously couldn't do that having an epi!) and generally just providing me with reassurance - we've discussed what he's going to do if I hit transition, for example, and don't think I can cope... All in all, I think it's an opportunity for us both to take an active role in bringing our child into the world. I'd hate to imagine lying on my back on a bed, being dosed up with drugs and DH sitting there, not sure what to do with himself... Obviously this depends on your birth plan as a whole, but in order to avoid DH feeling 'useless' I'm basically using him as a big part of my pain management (and he's much more attractive than a needle in the back imo ).

xx

 

[xpatchx]

I am one of the people that would gladly take all the pain relief offered to me, and that was the plan until I heard that they don't offer epis here

I was gonna order Gas and Air to have at home incase I needed it....They don't do that here!!

Just thought of another thing I have reserved to say - my DH is my birth partner and I'm having him rub my back/hair etc etc - it's important to me that he can take an active role in my pain relief/management. He has a CD to listen to with my hypnobabies, so we can both share the learning experience and learn how to be relaxed throughout the birth, together.

He'll be helping me get into whatever position I feel most comfortable in at the time (obviously couldn't do that having an epi!) and generally just providing me with reassurance - we've discussed what he's going to do if I hit transition, for example, and don't think I can cope... All in all, I think it's an opportunity for us both to take an active role in bringing our child into the world. I'd hate to imagine lying on my back on a bed, being dosed up with drugs and DH sitting there, not sure what to do with himself... Obviously this depends on your birth plan as a whole, but in order to avoid DH feeling 'useless' I'm basically using him as a big part of my pain management (and he's much more attractive than a needle in the back imo ).

xx

My OH looked all concerned and like he had a very important question the other day and I asked him what was up and he asked me what I wanted him to do during birth.
I just told him to be there for me. I don't care how much I scream at him to go away, I want him there and he knows rubbing my back and neck ALWAYS calms me, so he asked if he can do that =) I think sometimes natural pain relief is so much better for some people

 

[calilove77]

I'm also very much fed up of people telling me I won't be able to do it without pain relief. Fine, I don't know how it feels, but I also know I snapped both my knees in half whilst iceskating once, and I managed to go 3 days in agony with no pain relief then when they tried to put them back into place, I was given gas and air, but the machine was blocked so I wasn't getting any of it. If I can get through that, I'm sure I have some experience.

At the end of the day, you know your own body!

Although I don't envy you not having a midwife at all. That must suck =( I would have thought you would get that free without needing insurance!
Will you have to pay for any medication or anything your child needs?

No, sadly midwives are no where in my area. My insurance will only cover a birth if it is at one of "their" hospitals and with one of "their" Dr.'s. Pretty stupid! It covers a 2 day stay if I have a normal delivery and 3 day if I have a c-section. It is also like an extra $700 for the epi. We have been paying the Dr office $475 a month to go towards the deductible, and if she needs any extra care, 80% of it is covered under me. We have stupid stupid insurance, but what can you do !
My husband has been wonderful every step of the way so far. He would come running if he heard my throwing up during those wonderful months, even if it was during the night . He was also amazing when we lost her twin and stayed in bed with me for 4-5 days and just cried with me. I know he will be wonderful and tell me what I need to hear/do what I need him to do when the time comes. I am truly blessed

 

[madasa]

One thing I have noticed is that people seem to think that the minute you are pregnant, its fine to say rude/hurtful/insensitive/unhelpful/patronising things. From "gosh, you've put on a lot of weight haven't you?" to "So, when did you last have sex?", "omg doing it at home, how brave what if soemthing goes wrong and your baby dies...." (um yeah thanks, I hadn't thought of my baby's well being at all, how helpful of you to raise that), "or, no drugs eh, you'll be singing a different tune when it all kicks off..."

I have the ultimate comebcak in "i HAVE given birth before you know...... I do know what it's like." I also like: "I am not giving birth without pain relief. Just without drugs. I will be using LOTS of pain relief."

I think the best thing to do in your shoes is hit them with facts. Here you go -

Epidurals: https://www.healing-arts.org/mehl-madrona/mmepidural.htm

Something that drives me mad is that people seem to think that anyone who wants a "natural" birth (ugh,m I hate the term it has so many connotations) must be mad/weird/whacky/hippiefied.... that they are doing it for wishy washy reasons, that they are doing it for a sense of achievement ("you don't get a medal for doing it without pain relief you know...") The truth is, some of us have weighed the pros against the cons and decided we'd rather try for a good birth, and that drugs will probably get in the way of that "for me". Why try to patronise or frighten just because you don't understand my reasoning? Why assume I haven't already thought this thru quite thoroughly? ARgh drives me MAD!

 

[nikkia08]

No, sadly midwives are no where in my area. My insurance will only cover a birth if it is at one of "their" hospitals and with one of "their" Dr.'s. Pretty stupid! It covers a 2 day stay if I have a normal delivery and 3 day if I have a c-section. It is also like an extra $700 for the epi. We have been paying the Dr office $475 a month to go towards the deductible, and if she needs any extra care, 80% of it is covered under me. We have stupid stupid insurance, but what can you do !
My husband has been wonderful every step of the way so far. He would come running if he heard my throwing up during those wonderful months, even if it was during the night . He was also amazing when we lost her twin and stayed in bed with me for 4-5 days and just cried with me. I know he will be wonderful and tell me what I need to hear/do what I need him to do when the time comes. I am truly blessed

It saddens me how much different care is in different countries. I know i sometimes take for granted what we are given all for free in uk. It must be so much more stressful knowing how much medical care could cost if needed. Very sorry to hear about yous losing LO twin, sounds like you have an amazing husband who is very supportive! Hope everything goes ok for you and you have a wonderful birth! xx

 

[calilove77]

Thanks Madasa!!!! What a great site! I will be bookmarking that page and e-mailing it to a few people

 

[bky]

My OH was surprised when I mentioned I didn't want one (not like he knew exactly what it was, I told him it went in the spine, and he made a face, ). I told him if I have one then I won't be able to move around and being mobile is important to me. I then went off a bit about how laying on your back isn't the best position etc.
I'm really glad we have good antenatal classes here. I don't need them so much, but they are super helpful for OH (which was my clever plan all along) to see what is normal etc and so he has some kind of frame of reference when I talk about my birth plan.

 

[saturn73]

I haven't read all the responses, so forgive me if this is repetitive but I would just try and remember that it is your body and your decision! If the people who are saying all this stuff to you are close friends or family, tell them how much it hurts and that you need support right now more than anything else!

Good luck, and remember you can and will do it!

(BTW, I have a midwife too and it's not all that much different than a regular doctor to be honest)