What to say when a friend miscarries?

[tasha41]

I just received an email from my friend telling me she miscarried April 16th.

There's a thread for what NOT to say.. how about what TO say/what's alright to say?

Aside from I'm sorry for what happened, when you want to talk, I'm here, anytime. etc? or is that really all you can say?

 

[BlackBerry25]

Kind of all you can say.

I was so mad when some people didn't say anything at all.

 

[JASMAK]

The best things omeone said whas simple "I am so sorry for your loss, I know how much you wanted the baby."

 

[tootsy1987]

Hey hun, i know i got wound up when people said your young u can try again or these things happen for a reason so i would say dont touch that subject... all i would like to hear was I am soo sooo sorry for your loss, no words i can say can take the pain away but just to know that im here for you if or when your ready to talk! xxxx

 

[WTTMommy]

Apart from saying your'e sorry, I guess you can add:

- If there's anything you need from me, I'm here for you.
- I'm here if you need me
- Please don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it, I understand this is a tough time for you

Of course only say it if you really do want to help

 

[LeaArr]

Just let her know you will be there for her if she needs to talk. She will talk when she is ready. And when she does, just listen. I had so many people who said "when you are ready to talk..." and then when I did, they would interrupt me and tell me their opinions, which wasn't really helpful to me. I think you are a fantastic friend for asking this.

 

[todteach]

Hi hun. I'm so sorry to hear that your friend has had a miscarriage. Send her all of your love. Aside from what has been said, understand that she'll probably be a wreck right now. She'll need a shoulder to cry on for a while. After my losses, I found it the most difficult when I was alone. When my husband went back to work was the time where I would be curled up in a ball crying. If she is going to be alone at all, maybe offer to stay with her, if at all possible. And just being there for her, says more than words right now.

other helpful ideas for grieving families might be:

Send a card or flowers
Offer to make diner for her
Stop by with a hug
If she has any other children, offer to look after them for her
Remember important dates: due date, mothers day, day that she miscarried
Let her talk when she wants to talk
Sometimes just by being with her, helps the most

*hope some of this has helped you hun. Send her our love too. *

 

[tootsy1987]

May i also add.... as LeaArr has said, i think your an absolute star and gem for asking this and caring sooo much!!! i wish i had such a caring friend also big hugs to your friend, its a horrible thing to have to go through! xxxxx

 

[Shelby2007]

When going through my mc.. I didnt have a wonderful friend like you to come around.. my best friend lives an hour away.. with work and school.. she did call and say that she couldnt imagine what i was going through.. but she loved me and was there if i needed anything.. even just to talk about it..

i also received some cards in the mail.. and it made me feel so proud to have wonderful people in my life that cared..

 

[Parkep]

i think what all the other ladies are saying are amazing and i wish i had a friend like that when i went thru it all and they are right when she is alone and not busy doing anything is where you mind wanders and when you break down. Just be there for her as much as you can, and i know this sounds awful but it may be hard for her to hear and maybe see Elyse right now, brings alot of thoughts up and may be hard. Im really sorry for her loss.

 

[tasha41]

i think what all the other ladies are saying are amazing and i wish i had a friend like that when i went thru it all and they are right when she is alone and not busy doing anything is where you mind wanders and when you break down. Just be there for her as much as you can, and i know this sounds awful but it may be hard for her to hear and maybe see Elyse right now, brings alot of thoughts up and may be hard. Im really sorry for her loss.

Those are my thoughts exactly.. I figure if she's feeling up for a visit I would get someone else to watch Elyse. I'm worried if I have her over she'll be upset by all of the baby stuff around the house maybe.. so I'm thinking I could take her out for dinner or maybe go to her place with some sort of treat or something? She's away at school but exams are going on right now and will be over soon so she'll be back.. Thanks for all the suggestions ladies..

 

[Parkep]

i think what all the other ladies are saying are amazing and i wish i had a friend like that when i went thru it all and they are right when she is alone and not busy doing anything is where you mind wanders and when you break down. Just be there for her as much as you can, and i know this sounds awful but it may be hard for her to hear and maybe see Elyse right now, brings alot of thoughts up and may be hard. Im really sorry for her loss.

Those are my thoughts exactly.. I figure if she's feeling up for a visit I would get someone else to watch Elyse. I'm worried if I have her over she'll be upset by all of the baby stuff around the house maybe.. so I'm thinking I could take her out for dinner or maybe go to her place with some sort of treat or something? She's away at school but exams are going on right now and will be over soon so she'll be back.. Thanks for all the suggestions ladies..

Thats a great idea, i might suggest maybe bringing dinner or ice cream or something and a DVD, going out for dinner may not give her the chance to really talk about it if she needs to, i know i couldnt in public to nervous of breaking down and crying any people looking at me. Just a thought. I think your an awesome friend though and you really understand she needs that right now.