What's the problem with sleep training?

[HanaK]

I've noticed a lot of anti sleep training philosophy recently and am interested in why people think it's so detrimental to babies.

To me it seems fairly obvious - baby (and I don't mean under four months here) is waking frequently (not hunger related) and is struggling to self settle so teaching them to do so will result in longer, more restorative chunks of sleep. Enough sleep = happy baby = happy mummy.

I might add that I'm not asking for advice; I have my own opinions but they are not set in stone! To clarify, by 'sleep training' I am not just referring to CIO.

 

[weejenb]

Its a biggie. I think the main issue is (from what I read) is simply that people don't like hearing their child cry, understandably. But I just think that there is a huge difference between ignoring a crying child for no reason, and teaching them how to soothe themselves. Some people HAVE to do CIO or else they'd get no sleep, baby would get no sleep, it's such a desperate situation. I know there's people who do CIO too early, or because they don't wanna get up for night feeds, but the vast majority of people I've seen/read about doing it are beyond exhausted and desperate.
People think it causes some kind of brain damage and attachment issues. It's such a reach. No reputable studies have shown any kind of long-lasting brain damage. To conclude that sleep training leads to "attachment issues" is a massive leap. Attachment issues develop for a whole host of things, not just a few days of anything - sleep training included.

 

[Sparrow85]

Just different attitudes towards parenting.

I honestly don't believe there is a right or a wrong. I am very lucky and grateful that I have never had to sleep train, but I definitely would if my LO was waking excessively. I don't think there is any need to sleep train if a baby is just waking once or twice. It's for older babies, who are consistently waking hourly.

In that situation, I personally feel that lack of sleep (for the baby and the parent) is detrimental. Babies need sleep for their development, after all.

I am, however, completely against sleep training in babies under 6 months, as there is no need for it and they are far too young for their brains to understand that you haven't deserted them.

 

[HanaK]

I must say I'm a huge sceptic of the whole 'sleep training causes attachment issues' stance. My view is that poor sleep is far more damaging developmentally than sleep training!

 

[onetwothreebp]

I agree, I don't see a big deal about sleep training but I have also not done extensive research on it. I parent in a way that feels natural to me.

I teach my son to brush his teeth. I teach my son personal hygiene. I will teach him colours, and shapes, and how to read and write. Teaching him how to self settle just seems to go along with that.

I don't let him cry for hours on end, but I wasn't bothered to hear him fussing for a bit. I would always reassure him that I'm there and after a good night's sleep, he's the happiest little boy.

It just works for us.

 

[HanaK]

I 'sleep train' my son. He's four months. I do it *very* gently - he is constantly reassured by my voice and presence. His night sleep is pretty good and he settles quickly at bedtime. Naps are more hit and miss. I imagine his naps will gradually improve without much intervention but if they don't, I will sleep train when he's slightly older.

 

[MindUtopia]

I think there is some belief that sleep is developmental. So just like your baby learns to crawl and speak, he'll learn to sleep longer without waking when he needs to and it's safe. You don't need to 'train' him. Just like you don't need to 'train' a baby to walk or talk (though, of course, there are some type A people who think you need to do that too, but that's another issue). And there is some evidence in the research that babies who don't wake throughout the night when they're young (like their bodies are designed to) are more at risk for cot death. Light sleep and frequent wakings, in this sense, are protective because they prevent babies from sleeping so deeply that they stop breathing. Sleep training risks overriding this natural protective mechanism that we all have built in as babies.

Also, I agree, I think it's just different parenting styles. If you're someone who believes that babies cry for a reason (and personally, I think biologically this makes sense or else why would they cry?), then ignoring that cry means not attending to your babies' needs.

And frankly, I just think it's more enjoyable not to leave your baby to cry to sleep. I tend to all my daughter's needs during the day. I wouldn't leave her screaming on the floor while I did something else in the other room for a hour. So I wouldn't do it at night. I actually enjoy putting her to bed. It's a great time to spend together and it's rarely stressful. I would just hate to leave her in some other room to cry when I could be with her and helping her get to sleep in a happy, relaxed way. And we've made it so tending to her at night isn't difficult or exhausting (we co-sleep, so I don't even have to get out of bed and am rarely more than half-awake!). So it makes it all nice, rather that stressful. I think sleep training would add an element of stress that I wouldn't want in my nighttime with her.

 

[SaraEmily]

I used to be against it but we ended up doing CC at 8 months and I don't regret it at all. I always said I wanted her crib to feel like a safe place for her, and that I didn't want her to feel afraid of it, but she only seemed MORE afraid of it before sleep training.

Once we did CC and she learned how to settle, she stopped crying when I put her in her crib and now just giggles and kicks her feet until settling herself to sleep, which takes only a few minutes. I honestly think that she feels safer and happier now that we've sleep trained. At least it doesn't take hours of screaming to get her to fall asleep anymore. So I really could care less what other people think because we're both getting sleep now, which makes everyone happier.

 

[weejenb]

I actually think some babies need to be left alone, it might sound cruel but it makes sense to me. I'm not saying let them scream for hours on end, but I know that my son HATES to be fussed over/held when he's tired, he needs his own space. By picking him up consistently, I would be making him more tired and preventing his sleep, not helping.

 

[SaraEmily]

I actually think some babies need to be left alone, it might sound cruel but it makes sense to me. I'm not saying let them scream for hours on end, but I know that my son HATES to be fussed over/held when he's tired, he needs his own space. By picking him up consistently, I would be making him more tired and preventing his sleep, not helping.

This. I think a big reason my LO took so long to settle before sleep training was because me being there trying to comfort her was only making it harder for her to get to sleep. I was shocked when CC only took 2 nights, where she cried less than 20 minutes. I really think she needed to be alone to figure it out for herself.

 

[HanaK]

I actually think some babies need to be left alone, it might sound cruel but it makes sense to me. I'm not saying let them scream for hours on end, but I know that my son HATES to be fussed over/held when he's tired, he needs his own space. By picking him up consistently, I would be making him more tired and preventing his sleep, not helping.

My son would NEVER nap if I picked him up/went in every time he fussed! There's a difference between fussing and crying I think - some babies do whinge before they settle to sleep.

 

[onetwothreebp]

My son needs his space, absolutely. I've never slept with him, I've tried to nap with him in my bed (king size) but he STILL doesn't like it. He likes having his own room and bed. He's cried in his crib before and fussed but he isn't scared of his crib - he loves it!

 

[weejenb]

Crying may indicate that something is wrong, but why does that necessarily translate into 'I need you?'. Is it that illogical to think that some babies cry when tired, frustrated, etc. but not necessarily because they want your 'help'?" Also, yes, walking and talking are developmental milestones but we can encourage them by giving babies the opportunity to do these things. We can hold their hands while they practice walking and we can talk to them so that they can mimic our words. If you don't ever give a baby an opportunity to self-soothe once it is age appropriate, how will they learn? Sure, I suppose they will eventually, but what's wrong with encouragement?

 

[MrsKyliePaton]

Crying may indicate that something is wrong, but why does that necessarily translate into 'I need you?'. Is it that illogical to think that some babies cry when tired, frustrated, etc. but not necessarily because they want your 'help'?" Also, yes, walking and talking are developmental milestones but we can encourage them by giving babies the opportunity to do these things. We can hold their hands while they practice walking and we can talk to them so that they can mimic our words. If you don't ever give a baby an opportunity to self-soothe once it is age appropriate, how will they learn? Sure, I suppose they will eventually, but what's wrong with encouragement?

WSS

I agree we encourage our babies to do most things such as talk, walk, eat, brush their teeth etc and its the same with sleep we encourage them to settle. My DD2 likes to be left at night to settle her self if I'm in the room while she's trying to sleep she wants out the cot and will scream, but if I say goodnight put her in the cot and leave she settles within a minute

 

[overcomer79]

I actually think some babies need to be left alone, it might sound cruel but it makes sense to me. I'm not saying let them scream for hours on end, but I know that my son HATES to be fussed over/held when he's tired, he needs his own space. By picking him up consistently, I would be making him more tired and preventing his sleep, not helping.

Same with dd. We had to move her into her own room because she couldn't be around people when asleep. She gets over stimulated being around people.

 

[overcomer79]

I should add that we sleep trained with dd because it took literally hours to get her to go to sleep at night. We didn't feel the need with DS. The waking doesn't bother us at night but if she's moaning, I won't get up but dh will...

 

[shanny]

I have used sleep training with all of mine - cant recall age but all below 6 months and I don't regret it at all.

Once baby (from a young age) is fed changed etc I have always put them in a cot etc to sleep kick etc and not be constantly on me...........this has them transferred to sleep too...........

I never let them cry for hours but just work towards self settling in small chunks....In my opinion this helps then to be independent and not too clingy etc as a baby/toddler

each to their own of course - we are all different

 

[weejenb]

I have used sleep training with all of mine - cant recall age but all below 6 months and I don't regret it at all.

Once baby (from a young age) is fed changed etc I have always put them in a cot etc to sleep kick etc and not be constantly on me...........this has them transferred to sleep too...........

I never let them cry for hours but just work towards self settling in small chunks....In my opinion this helps then to be independent and not too clingy etc as a baby/toddler

each to their own of course - we are all different

Can I ask why you did it before six months?

 

[AudreeA]

I honestly dont see the issue with sleep training. I never gave it a second thought really until I read things on forums. My DD1 never cried until she was almost 5 months old so I didn't thinking about sleep training at all. I think you just do what's natural, you know your baby after all.

 

[Zephram]

WSS

I agree we encourage our babies to do most things such as talk, walk, eat, brush their teeth etc and its the same with sleep we encourage them to settle. My DD2 likes to be left at night to settle her self if I'm in the room while she's trying to sleep she wants out the cot and will scream, but if I say goodnight put her in the cot and leave she settles within a minute

There is the difference. Your baby will settle fairly quickly when given the chance - I give my baby the chance and leave the room and he gets hysterical. I am constantly hearing about babies who are left the fuss/cry for a few mins and then fall asleep and STTN - this is not my baby. When I leave him alone in his cot he gets absolutely beside himself, he gets more awake crying and screaming, it has absolutely no effect in helping him to sleep. I feel neither me nor my son will gain anything from leaving him to cry for hours. I have to nurture him to sleep, I do not want to leave him alone crying until he passes out from exhaustion. Not to mention that on the odd occasion he does self settle, he sleeps no differently and wakes the same throughout the night. He has a high requirement for closeness to relax at this stage in his life, I mostly feed him to sleep.

I have no problem with sleep training, I think every parent needs to do what they are comfortable with. I am not comfortable with crying, but i am trying to help my son learn gently. I have slowly been taking him off the boob earlier and I can now put him down extremely sleepy and relaxed but not asleep and he just rolls over and goes to sleep. These are great strides from the days I had to put him down in a dead deep sleep or he'd wake up screaming. As he becomes developmentally ready for it I know he will be able to lie himself down and slip off to sleep with less and less help from me, but until then I will guide him through it.

My point here is that some babies need more help than others and there is no one size fits all. If sleep training works for you, great, but if it doesn't, hang in there, your LO will learn in good time.