What's the problem with sleep training?

[SaraEmily]

I guess its never felt right for my child to scream cry whilst I try to 'train' him to do anything. I certainly wouldn't expect that it has a positive impact if I were to do it during the day with anything other than sleep, so I can't imagine it being positive at night.

I'm also not confident that it only trains babies to sleep, I'm concerned that it trains them in other ways that I would not like my son to be trained in.

I guess I feel as the adult its my job to adapt to what my child needs, not the other way around.

It's not like you're training them to do something they don't want or isn't good for them. My LO wanted so desperately to fall asleep but didn't know how and it would get to the point of hysterical screaming every night because the poor thing was exhausted and no amount of comforting worked.

I left her to settle alone once to see how she would handle it and she surprised me by falling asleep within 10 minutes on the first night trying. I'm not trying to convince anyone to sleep train, just saying that in our situation, I feel it was the right thing to do because it helped her get to sleep the fastest.

If leaving my LO to cry by herself for 10 minutes released stress hormones and harmed her, imagine what making her cry for hours trying to settle her must do. She wouldn't be less stressed just because I was present if she was still screaming.

I completely agree that babies need to be given the opportunity to self settle. However, I think each parent knows their own child and I know my lo would not only cry for 10 minutes, he absolutely needs help getting to sleep.

It sounds to me like you responded approriately to your childs needs and it worked for you both.

My concern with some sleep training is that it could stop some parents responding appropriately as the training takes over. So instead of following instinct they are foloowing rules. This is where I believe sleep training can be negative.

I completely agree that sleep training isn't for everyone. Some babies cry when you leave, and then it only escalates from there. And then babies like mine need to be left to settle themselves because the presence of the parent is too stimulating.

I think, like with most things in parenting, we just need to do what works best for our own babies, because they're all different. I just wish people didn't think of it in such a black and white way.

 

[onetwothreebp]

"I parent day and night"??

I think we all do - regardless if we sleep train or not.

 

[JASMAK]

Well, I have issues with sleep training, so I didn't do it. It doesn't feel natural to me, to even let a baby sleep in their own beds...I am a attachment parent and was for all three of my kidsl. They all breastfed until 2 years, and co-slept...and I wore them as much as possible. And they are AWESOME kids for it. That is all the evidence that I need.

 

[SaraEmily]

Well, I have issues with sleep training, so I didn't do it. It doesn't feel natural to me, to even let a baby sleep in their own beds...I am a attachment parent and was for all three of my kidsl. They all breastfed until 2 years, and co-slept...and I wore them as much as possible. And they are AWESOME kids for it. That is all the evidence that I need.

Good for you, then. That obviously worked best for your kids but not all. My LO gets no sleep if she's in bed with me, and she throws a fit the moment she's put in a carrier of any type.

My kid's still pretty awesome, too.

 

[onetwothreebp]

Well, I have issues with sleep training, so I didn't do it. It doesn't feel natural to me, to even let a baby sleep in their own beds...I am a attachment parent and was for all three of my kidsl. They all breastfed until 2 years, and co-slept...and I wore them as much as possible. And they are AWESOME kids for it. That is all the evidence that I need.

And I formula fed, my son slept in his own crib in his own room the day he came home from the hospitral and I never wore him once. And guess what? He's awesome for it.

We all parent on what feels natural to us and that's awesome.

 

[JASMAK]

LOL! People get so uptight...I forgot my disclaimer: this is just my opinion and you have to do what is right for you. My opinion in no way represents an attack of anyone's parenting or a different view, but rather, an answer to the question on the first page.


Much like this:

Do you like chocolate ice cream?

No, I prefer strawberry and only eat strawberry. Geeshhhhhh....there is some sensitive people today!

 

[onetwothreebp]

Mine was just an opinion too! If you're going to post on a message board, people will respond!

 

[JASMAK]

Mine was just an opinion too! If you're going to post on a message board, people will respond!

There wasn't a personal attack in there at all. Make your opinion, fine...but why quote mine with it? Because you are upset about what I said. There was no other reason. I hadn't read any responses..and then I am quoted instantly by two women clearly upset at my post, which has nothing to do with them or their parenting.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I quoted you because I was responding to you. Quoting makes it easier to follow.

(And for the record, your post didn't upset me! I just like providing other perspectives.)

 

[JASMAK]

Well, I have issues with sleep training, so I didn't do it. It doesn't feel natural to me, to even let a baby sleep in their own beds...I am a attachment parent and was for all three of my kidsl. They all breastfed until 2 years, and co-slept...and I wore them as much as possible. And they are AWESOME kids for it. That is all the evidence that I need.

Good for you, then. That obviously worked best for your kids but not all. My LO gets no sleep if she's in bed with me, and she throws a fit the moment she's put in a carrier of any type.

My kid's still pretty awesome, too.

Awe, I will reply with the same snotty remark: good for you too.

 

[JASMAK]

I quoted you because I was responding to you. Quoting makes it easier to follow.

(And for the record, your post didn't upset me! I just like providing other perspectives.)

I fail to see how it was a 'perscpective'. It was a reply, but it only shows your insecurity. I am fine with how I mother and you bottle feeding and not cosleeping doesn't make me feel less of a mother, so good day to you.

 

[onetwothreebp]

LOL!! I am not insecure in any of my choices, despite being the obvious minority on this board. Nice try.

And I don't understand why you post if you don't want people responding -- ESPECIALLY in the debate forum???

Weird.

 

[JASMAK]

I can see debating sleep training...for sure. But, why jump on me, my first post ONLY talking about me, and what I did? I see you have LOTS of perspective on this thread already. It felt more like a jump on me...which is pretty typical of what many breastfeeding mothers get. So...go on... how much more ya got?

 

[onetwothreebp]

I wasn't jumping on you, sorry that you feel that way.

However, if you think you can post a list of controversial parenting ways and then say your kid is awesome for it without expecting replies in a debate forum... that seems a bit naive to me.

 

[JASMAK]

I wasn't jumping on you, sorry that you feel that way.

However, if you think you can post a list of controversial parenting ways and then say your kid is awesome for it without expecting replies in a debate forum... that seems a bit naive to me.

ahhhh...so you are pissed off that I think my kids are awesome for cosleeping? OK. Well, I am sorry YOU feel that way. I tell you what. I am going to go to my ignore list, place your name on it...and then we can go on our merry way.

 

[jessicatunnel]

I wasn't jumping on you, sorry that you feel that way.

However, if you think you can post a list of controversial parenting ways and then say your kid is awesome for it without expecting replies in a debate forum... that seems a bit naive to me.

ahhhh...so you are pissed off that I think my kids are awesome for cosleeping? OK. Well, I am sorry YOU feel that way. I tell you what. I am going to go to my ignore list, place your name on it...and then we can go on our merry way.

I think you're overreacting here. No one attacked you at all. Your initial post just made it SEEM like the parents that formula feed, crib sleep, don't babywear, sleep train etc don't have awesome kids because of the way they chose to parent. Not saying you think that at all, its just the way your post read. Onetwothreebp and Sara were just saying that the way they parent makes their kid awesome too. No attack there?
But yeah. You can go on your merry way now.

 

[Larkspur]

LOL!! I am not insecure in any of my choices, despite being the obvious minority on this board.

You have never written a truer thing! Seriously, every day I am amazed at your apparent complete inability to take things personally.

 

[onetwothreebp]

Why would that piss me off?? Lol!! Plenty people cosleep with their children and they both benefit from it greatly. You're acting like I have accused of being a self righteous, ignorant martyr of a mother when all I said was I did the opposite and my kid was awesome too.

You're not very fun to debate with when you react in such a personal way. live and let live I guess. Thanks for the 'debate'!

 

[Larkspur]

I wasn't jumping on you, sorry that you feel that way.

However, if you think you can post a list of controversial parenting ways and then say your kid is awesome for it without expecting replies in a debate forum... that seems a bit naive to me.

ahhhh...so you are pissed off that I think my kids are awesome for cosleeping? OK. Well, I am sorry YOU feel that way. I tell you what. I am going to go to my ignore list, place your name on it...and then we can go on our merry way.

A wise woman wrote this recently in another thread, can't remember who it was. Might be worth mulling over.

I think you are taking this way too seriously. It's a debate... Geez.

 

[JASMAK]

I wasn't jumping on you, sorry that you feel that way.

However, if you think you can post a list of controversial parenting ways and then say your kid is awesome for it without expecting replies in a debate forum... that seems a bit naive to me.

ahhhh...so you are pissed off that I think my kids are awesome for cosleeping? OK. Well, I am sorry YOU feel that way. I tell you what. I am going to go to my ignore list, place your name on it...and then we can go on our merry way.

I think you're overreacting here. No one attacked you at all. Your initial post just made it SEEM like the parents that formula feed, crib sleep, don't babywear, sleep train etc don't have awesome kids because of the way they chose to parent. Not saying you think that at all, its just the way your post read. Onetwothreebp and Sara were just saying that the way they parent makes their kid awesome too. No attack there?
But yeah. You can go on your merry way now.

Yes, it isn't what I think at all. I am not sure how I parent means anything about another. I just did. That is what worked for us. I am actually (if you ever read my comments on formula feeding debates) pro FOOD. And, I said cosleeping because I don't sleep train...and that has to do with a number of reasons...number one because I have a child with a disability and...well, I could natter for hours about the horrors I have been through just to get her to sleep at night. And...my kids are awesome, because don't all mothers think their kids are awesome. The truth is...I stood up for myself, and so now I seem like I am overreacting. The truth is, they did jump on me, and now there is some back-pedalling. The truth is, I am pro-food and although i don't agree with crying it out, I am not actually against sleep training, depending on what exactly that means...it's a little vague. The truth is I said ONLY something about MYSELF, and two women decided to jump on my opinion and now I am the one considered overreacting...even though she admitted, later, that it was because I said my kids were awesome.