What's the problem with sleep training?

[charlie15]

I think it is each to their own, some babies need help to learn to sleep other need space. My LO is different with night time sleep and naps. I put her to bed and stay with her until she falls asleep at night, both me and my OH have different methods to do this, it works and she sleeps for a solid 12 to 13 hours, so we have never had to do sleep training for night time as she can self settle throughout the night well. However naps are another thing all together. I put her in her cot to wind down for 15 to 20 min before her nap with some chilled music and leave, she may giggle and babble and play with her mobile and then fall asleep or she whimpers, she rarely has a cry, but can whimper, but i have to leave her alone, if i go in, then that nap is doomed!! she needs her own space to wind down and my company is far to stimulating!

 

[shanny]

never really thought about it - just seemed natural progression - never researched or knew what it was really just started doing a night time routine bath feed bed story and then leaving ..............was also fed up with being a human dummy

 

[lozzy21]

I don't like sleep training because I don't think it actually teaches your child to self settle, just that there is no point in crying because mummy's not coming.

 

[Larkspur]

Crying may indicate that something is wrong, but why does that necessarily translate into 'I need you?'. Is it that illogical to think that some babies cry when tired, frustrated, etc. but not necessarily because they want your 'help'?" Also, yes, walking and talking are developmental milestones but we can encourage them by giving babies the opportunity to do these things. We can hold their hands while they practice walking and we can talk to them so that they can mimic our words. If you don't ever give a baby an opportunity to self-soothe once it is age appropriate, how will they learn? Sure, I suppose they will eventually, but what's wrong with encouragement?

Not trying to be controversial but in all honesty if my baby screamed and cried in resistance while I was 'encouraging him' to walk or talk, I would probably rethink my strategy.

 

[Treetops87]

I don't like sleep training because I don't think it actually teaches your child to self settle, just that there is no point in crying because mummy's not coming.

If that were the case, a sleep trained baby would NEVER cry at night. My LO was sleep trained using CC. He mostly sleeps through but he will occasionally wake up and I promptly respond. Just because you sleep train doesn't mean you will never deal with night wakings ever. I would love to know where the information is to back up such a claim.

 

[_jellybean_]

I guess that it's more of a personal decision for me, than research-based. Dh does most night wakings, and it just does not feel right to us to let our babies cry. That said, every family is different, and what works for one does not work for all.

 

[jessicatunnel]

I don't like sleep training because I don't think it actually teaches your child to self settle, just that there is no point in crying because mummy's not coming.

I think people forget that sleep training doesn't have to involve crying at all. There are most definitely gentle sleep training methods.

 

[AudreeA]

I sure hope my daughter learns I'm not going to come when she plays up at bed time. Adult time is adult time in our house.

 

[weejenb]

Crying may indicate that something is wrong, but why does that necessarily translate into 'I need you?'. Is it that illogical to think that some babies cry when tired, frustrated, etc. but not necessarily because they want your 'help'?" Also, yes, walking and talking are developmental milestones but we can encourage them by giving babies the opportunity to do these things. We can hold their hands while they practice walking and we can talk to them so that they can mimic our words. If you don't ever give a baby an opportunity to self-soothe once it is age appropriate, how will they learn? Sure, I suppose they will eventually, but what's wrong with encouragement?

Not trying to be controversial but in all honesty if my baby screamed and cried in resistance while I was 'encouraging him' to walk or talk, I would probably rethink my strategy.

Who says sleep training must involve screaming and crying though? That's the image that it conjures, but it's not often the reality. There are babies who fuss and let off steam when they're falling asleep. It's rarely straight out screaming, unless a baby is extremely overtired. In that case, sleep training usually isn't the answer. A tweak it routine/schedule is needed.

 

[HanaK]

I don't like sleep training because I don't think it actually teaches your child to self settle, just that there is no point in crying because mummy's not coming.

I would like to know *how* you know this...

 

[SaraEmily]

I don't like sleep training because I don't think it actually teaches your child to self settle, just that there is no point in crying because mummy's not coming.

My LO still cries if she wakes up due to hunger, but not if she just needs to settle herself back to sleep. If all I did was make her give up on crying, then she wouldn't cry at all.

 

[Larkspur]

Crying may indicate that something is wrong, but why does that necessarily translate into 'I need you?'. Is it that illogical to think that some babies cry when tired, frustrated, etc. but not necessarily because they want your 'help'?" Also, yes, walking and talking are developmental milestones but we can encourage them by giving babies the opportunity to do these things. We can hold their hands while they practice walking and we can talk to them so that they can mimic our words. If you don't ever give a baby an opportunity to self-soothe once it is age appropriate, how will they learn? Sure, I suppose they will eventually, but what's wrong with encouragement?

Not trying to be controversial but in all honesty if my baby screamed and cried in resistance while I was 'encouraging him' to walk or talk, I would probably rethink my strategy.

Who says sleep training must involve screaming and crying though? That's the image that it conjures, but it's not often the reality. There are babies who fuss and let off steam when they're falling asleep. It's rarely straight out screaming, unless a baby is extremely overtired. In that case, sleep training usually isn't the answer. A tweak it routine/schedule is needed.

The impression I have gathered from countless sleep training threads here is that crying is a very common feature of sleep training. I mean, the techniques are usually called Controlled Crying or Cry It Out.

I mean, if your baby 'fusses' for a few minutes before going to sleep while sleep training, great. They're probably developmentally ready to self settle. But it's a bit disingenuous, I think, to suggest that most sleep training doesn't involve at least several periods of crying.

 

[AnneD]

Sleep is a developmental milestone in my opinion, and sleep training feels like going against everything that's natural, especially with a baby like mine who doesn't peacefully go to sleep after a few minutes if fussing but works herself up into a state. I am a parent, therefore I parent, day and night. Also going by the number of threads I've seen where people have to redo sleep training over and over every time a tiny part of the rutine changes (not to mention the fact that my next door sleep trains her kid every couple of weeks, and I hear the child crying for her at all hours of the night), with some babies crying for hours, I've come to the conclusion that sleep training doesn't work and is not worth my while.

You cannot make somebody sleep.

You are free to sleep train your child, it's just that not everyone will agree with you.

 

[special_kala]

Sleep is a developmental milestone in my opinion, and sleep training feels like going against everything that's natural, especially with a baby like mine who doesn't peacefully go to sleep after a few minutes if fussing but works herself up into a state. I am a parent, therefore I parent, day and night. Also going by the number of threads I've seen where people have to redo sleep training over and over every time a tiny part of the rutine changes (not to mention the fact that my next door sleep trains her kid every couple of weeks, and I hear the child crying for her at all hours of the night), with some babies crying for hours, I've come to the conclusion that sleep training doesn't work and is not worth my while.

You cannot make somebody sleep.

You are free to sleep train your child, it's just that not everyone will agree with you.

I don't like sleep training because I don't think it actually teaches your child to self settle, just that there is no point in crying because mummy's not coming.

My kids learn to self soothe in their own time not mine!

 

[staralfur]

I am neither pro or anti sleep training; I think in some situations it's inappropriate (like very young babies) and in others it's beneficial (like an older baby/young toddler who wakes every sleep cycle and is exhausted during the day).

I've never been interested in any method that involved leaving my LO to cry, but I'm also not interested in getting worked up about other people doing it in a situation where they feel it might be beneficial.

I don't believe for a second that a baby who grows up in a household with loving and supportive parents will be despondent because of sleep training alone. It's one factor in a multitude of factors.

I also don't believe it's something that should be done "just because". I think it should be a decision made based on the belief that it will improve a child's well-being.

It's not my place to decide whether or not someone's circumstances are dire enough for sleep training, especially over an Internet forum, so I kind of have a "do whatever you believe is best for your baby" mentality when it comes to this subject.

 

[sheebee]

I guess its never felt right for my child to scream cry whilst I try to 'train' him to do anything. I certainly wouldn't expect that it has a positive impact if I were to do it during the day with anything other than sleep, so I can't imagine it being positive at night.

I'm also not confident that it only trains babies to sleep, I'm concerned that it trains them in other ways that I would not like my son to be trained in.

I guess I feel as the adult its my job to adapt to what my child needs, not the other way around.

 

[AnneD]

https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/sleep-trainers-buyer-beware

 

[AnneD]

I sure hope my daughter learns I'm not going to come when she plays up at bed time. Adult time is adult time in our house.

This is one of the problems with sleep training if you ask me.

 

[SaraEmily]

I guess its never felt right for my child to scream cry whilst I try to 'train' him to do anything. I certainly wouldn't expect that it has a positive impact if I were to do it during the day with anything other than sleep, so I can't imagine it being positive at night.

I'm also not confident that it only trains babies to sleep, I'm concerned that it trains them in other ways that I would not like my son to be trained in.

I guess I feel as the adult its my job to adapt to what my child needs, not the other way around.

It's not like you're training them to do something they don't want or isn't good for them. My LO wanted so desperately to fall asleep but didn't know how and it would get to the point of hysterical screaming every night because the poor thing was exhausted and no amount of comforting worked.

I left her to settle alone once to see how she would handle it and she surprised me by falling asleep within 10 minutes on the first night trying. I'm not trying to convince anyone to sleep train, just saying that in our situation, I feel it was the right thing to do because it helped her get to sleep the fastest.

If leaving my LO to cry by herself for 10 minutes released stress hormones and harmed her, imagine what making her cry for hours trying to settle her must do. She wouldn't be less stressed just because I was present if she was still screaming.

 

[sheebee]

I guess its never felt right for my child to scream cry whilst I try to 'train' him to do anything. I certainly wouldn't expect that it has a positive impact if I were to do it during the day with anything other than sleep, so I can't imagine it being positive at night.

I'm also not confident that it only trains babies to sleep, I'm concerned that it trains them in other ways that I would not like my son to be trained in.

I guess I feel as the adult its my job to adapt to what my child needs, not the other way around.

It's not like you're training them to do something they don't want or isn't good for them. My LO wanted so desperately to fall asleep but didn't know how and it would get to the point of hysterical screaming every night because the poor thing was exhausted and no amount of comforting worked.

I left her to settle alone once to see how she would handle it and she surprised me by falling asleep within 10 minutes on the first night trying. I'm not trying to convince anyone to sleep train, just saying that in our situation, I feel it was the right thing to do because it helped her get to sleep the fastest.

If leaving my LO to cry by herself for 10 minutes released stress hormones and harmed her, imagine what making her cry for hours trying to settle her must do. She wouldn't be less stressed just because I was present if she was still screaming.

I completely agree that babies need to be given the opportunity to self settle. However, I think each parent knows their own child and I know my lo would not only cry for 10 minutes, he absolutely needs help getting to sleep.

It sounds to me like you responded approriately to your childs needs and it worked for you both.

My concern with some sleep training is that it could stop some parents responding appropriately as the training takes over. So instead of following instinct they are foloowing rules. This is where I believe sleep training can be negative.