What's your thoughts?

[cowboys angel]

So my hv says that Elizabeth is a little behind developmentally.

Well I already knew that, lol. She's doing lovely, but she is a little behind. I'm not concerned in the least, I know she'll catch up, but anyway. Not the point of this post.

My hv suggested this program that comes to the home more often (hv comes every other month). They come like weekly, or a few times a week. Says they will be able to track her development closer and get a better idea where she's at, and may give me things to do to help her keep moving forward at a 'good rate.'

I asked around on FB and a friend of mine (her children have many issues and are extremely challenged) have been through the program and she said they helped them a lot.

A teacher my mom works with (and who I had as a child) says it is a wonderful program, and since it is free to people with my insurance, I should definitely take advantage of it.

It all sounds so good, and obviously I want to help my little girl all I can and want to do the best for her, but part of me...

I feel kinda like I don't trust her to do things naturally, or like...not that I don't love her enough as is cuz I absolutely worship this little miracle, but...I dunno. Am I making sense?

I'm not even sure what I'm asking, lol, just...should I go for it? I can always tell them to stop coming. Are these feelings normal?

Anybody do anything like this with/for their preemie?

 

[Foogirl]

I took the view that anything that would help, is a bonus and it doesn't reflect on your skills as a parent or hers as a child. I would have jumped at the chance. Not only does it mean they are interested in your child, it also means if there is something that continues to be delayed, they will pick it up much quicker and get the right referrals in place.

The hardest thing we found was not knowing what a child should be doing, as we have no other children. To us Abby was 'normal' and so without the regular visits we got, we wouldn't have known she had. problem til it was staring us in the face. There was a certain amount of denial going on with us.

As I see it, it can't hurt can it?

 

[cowboys angel]

This is true. I told the hv to go ahead and make the referral, I'm waiting on a phone call now.

This is my first so I would have no idea, and OH says he thinks she's doing fine, maybe a little delayed but 'all kids are different.'

I know there's some things that she's behind on though, so I want to help her in any way, and like you said, if something continues to be behind or something drastic or whatever, they'll notice, and I might not, and OH works full time so...lol

 

[Foogirl]

Yeah, I kept being told "well, I didn't walk til I was two" All the while I'm looking at other children taking their first tentative steps thinking, that looks so different from Abby. OH's denial was definitely worse than mine!

It's hard not to take these things personally though. I still wonder if we'd persevered with Tummy time, if Abby would be crawling by now. Or walked with her earlier, she'd be much further on. Sometimes I console myself that it would all have been for nothing as the reason she wouldn't do it is the fact she had cerebral palsy. Can't help thinking though, what if.....

 

[cowboys angel]

That's kinda where I'm at, but not looking back. More like... "What if I just work with her?" "What if we can do just fine?" "What if she surprises us and jumps ahead?" "What if I don't do the program? What then?" "What if I don't do the program and I should have?" "What if she falls further behind?"

Stupid brain! Quit racing!

 

[Foogirl]

What if we both agree to just stop thinking what if.....

 

[cowboys angel]

Sounds like a plan cuz I have a headache now,

I really didn't think her being born at 35weeks+5 would leave her with developmental issues...Silly mommy. I thought since she's not 'that preemie' it'd just be easy sailing...but at first she kept forgetting to breathe and hade very low blood sugar and now we learn she's behind with development.

 

[AP]

Cowboys angel how is your HV coming to this conclusion? Is she going my corrected or actual age?

I agree with foo, any help is great help!

 

[cowboys angel]

Actual age....I think? She didn't actually say, just that she's behind a little. I assume actual age, cuz then she said 'But being a preemie we know it's to be expected.'

I kept telling myself we'd be fine. After reading some of you ladies stories, I was just like 'oh well, it's not that bad.'

And it's not! You ladies are so strong, unbelievable strength. But I guess mine is 'just preemie enough,' no other way to put it I suppose.

I seriously feel like I failed her somewhere.

EDIT: Sorry, we're having a rough day today, I'm kinda weepy.

 

[Foogirl]

Preemie is preemie. There is a reason they are supposed to be in there for 9 months, if there weren't they'd pop out anytime, more often. Of course there are varying degrees of prematurity and all that goes along with it but many of the same issues are shared, no matter how early. You still must have been terrified at the prospect of your pregnancy coming to an end much sooner than it should, and if you are anything like us, we had no idea of any of the statistics or types of problems, early was just bad. I'm sure next time round I would be more relaxed about it, if I get past a certain point, but I also know we've had preemies at 26 weeks who do fantastically, and ones at 34 who have more problems. You never can tell.

I would guess there isn't a preemie mum in the world who doesn't feel like a failure, but as my sister pointed out - it might have been HIS part of it that caused the problem!! And sometimes, it is just one of those things.

 

[cowboys angel]

Preemie is preemie. There is a reason they are supposed to be in there for 9 months, if there weren't they'd pop out anytime, more often. Of course there are varying degrees of prematurity and all that goes along with it but many of the same issues are shared, no matter how early. You still must have been terrified at the prospect of your pregnancy coming to an end much sooner than it should, and if you are anything like us, we had no idea of any of the statistics or types of problems, early was just bad. I'm sure next time round I would be more relaxed about it, if I get past a certain point, but I also know we've had preemies at 26 weeks who do fantastically, and ones at 34 who have more problems. You never can tell.

I would guess there isn't a preemie mum in the world who doesn't feel like a failure, but as my sister pointed out - it might have been HIS part of it that caused the problem!! And sometimes, it is just one of those things.

I was terrified alright. I was in and out of preterm labor from 24 weeks on! I had pills 4 times a day to take to keep her in, was on total bedrest, and STILL was going to the hospital every other day, or more often at times! Often there was only hours between hospital runs.

My OB thinks that my body just "isn't compatible" with pregnancy, whatever that's supposed to mean. I've had two miscarriages, and then a 'problem pregnancy,' as she put it. I dunno. We still plan to try for another LO after this one is a year old or so.

 

[PrincessPea]

I have come to realise that any intervention is good as anything that may help cant be a bad thing.

A couple of months ago my HV offered us a visit from a pre school assessment team (Jessica is 9 months!!) and I nearly took her head off as I thought she was being ridiculous but the more I think about it the more I realise it is probably a good thing as like Foo we dont know what a baby 'should' be doing at certain stages. Also my mum is a teacher and she explained that it could just mean something as simple as J getting a nursery place at 3 instead of 4 etc and that cant be a bad thing even just from a socialisation point of view.

Like the other girls have said tho your LO should be measured developmentally on their corrected age NOT actual. Jessica is meeting pretty much everything for her corrected age (except getting her head up when on her tummy, but this is coming along slowly) but is no where near the development of her actual age! And it is only recently that her development has started coming on a bit, when she was the age of your LO all she did was eat, sleep and poo!

Try not to worry too much dear and take all the help offered. xx

 

[cowboys angel]

I'm waiting for them to call me, hopefully after the holiday passes I'll hear something

 

[Foogirl]

A couple of months ago my HV offered us a visit from a pre school assessment team (Jessica is 9 months!!) and I nearly took her head off as I thought she was being ridiculous but the more I think about it the more I realise it is probably a good thing as like Foo we dont know what a baby 'should' be doing at certain stages. Also my mum is a teacher and she explained that it could just mean something as simple as J getting a nursery place at 3 instead of 4 etc and that cant be a bad thing even just from a socialisation point of view.

ooh, is that PREFCAT?

 

[lozzy21]

If there going on actual age i think i would say no, if shes behind her corrected age then i would say yes.

If shes developing at the right pace just a month behind then i dont see a reason to push her if she doesent need it.

 

[cowboys angel]

I'm not sure. They know she's a preemie, they said her to be behind is expected, and not a big deal. And then said she was behind and offered me this program.

 

[PrincessPea]

A couple of months ago my HV offered us a visit from a pre school assessment team (Jessica is 9 months!!) and I nearly took her head off as I thought she was being ridiculous but the more I think about it the more I realise it is probably a good thing as like Foo we dont know what a baby 'should' be doing at certain stages. Also my mum is a teacher and she explained that it could just mean something as simple as J getting a nursery place at 3 instead of 4 etc and that cant be a bad thing even just from a socialisation point of view.

ooh, is that PREFCAT?

I am not sure what its official name is dear, I have a leaflet on it but I just cant lay my hands on it right now. xx

 

[Foogirl]

I am not sure what its official name is dear, I have a leaflet on it but I just cant lay my hands on it right now. xx

It does sound like it. We were denied!