When to reward etc

[Tilly]

Having a bit of trouble with Bethanie recently, lots of mood swings!

1) Teeth brushing - she refuses to, she usually refuses every so often.. but recently it is rare for her to let me do them (she likes doing her own teeth, but I like to do them properly as she would rather eat the toothpaste and put the brush under the tap). I've tried the "you do mummys, i'll do yours", "you do 'babys' teeth (baby is her doll, letting her do them before/after I have done them). These techniques work for a few seconds, then the mouth snaps shut and I get annoyed before the day has even begun! She does it fine for daddy at night, so why not me?!

2) Related to teeth brushing - I start by saying, "ok lets do your teeth" and tell her that she'll get a star (she sticks a star up when she has done teeth like a big girl lol) - she starts off ok, but then she has a massive paddy.. I say "ok, no star then" and put her down. I pick her up 5 minutes later and she brushes them like a good girl - do I give her a star still because shes been good or because had the original paddy, do I forget it altogether.. If I give her a star am I just training her to be a moody thing to get what she wants even after a tantrum?

Shes also hitting still and bit her arm yesterday for the first time, so I can see that coming soon! - do you think im not strict enough or something?

Advice appreciated! thanks

 

[Sarah88]

I would be inclined to give her a star, as she did brush her teeth. But if it continued going that she only did it the second time, I would eventually bring in that unless she co-operated the first time then she wouldn't get one.
But I'm not a mum yet and am interested to see what other people have to say who have had experience

 

[ColtonsMom]

I would probably still give her the star. Afterall, she did brush them.. and if you didn't give her the star then she would probably think, "I brushed them and no star?!?!" And then next time you tell her to brush them, "Ehh.. last time I brushed them I didn't get a star, so I'm not going to this time!"
Does that make sense..?

 

[marley2580]

I wouldn't give her the star, but explain that she only gets it if she does it the first time. So - thank you for brushing your teeth, but you only get a star if you do it the first time mummy asks you.

 

[Tezzy]

i disagree. she cleaned her teeth so give her a star. she may not dothem at all next time if she thinks she wont get a star when you promise one. trust is veryimportant.

 

[Tilly]

Any more opinions on the matter

And any tips for teeth brushing and discipline in general - interested in replies from toddler mummys as well.

 

[Tezzy]

well rhys hates to brush his teeth! we do them whilst he is in the bath and he knows that i will only put his bath toys in after we;ve cleaned his teeth and washed his hair. if he wants his toys he has to do them first!

rhys also tantrums a lot, we have a 'naughty wall' with a timer which he goes against for 1minute and we also have a reward chart for if he is well behaved

 

[Tilly]

Do you bath him in the morning then Tezzy? or do you only do his teeth at night?

 

[Tezzy]

we only do his teeth at night, he plays with his brush while i do mine in the morn but cant get him to let me do them

 

[sonny]

Because you have been doing the stars,next time in town get either some bigger sized stars of picture stickers or something different.
Before saying lets brush teeth etc,show her the chart or whatever you use and explain that the tooth fairy phoned you and said that you need to count her teeth every morning before she brushes her teeth,so explain that mummy has to do them first so that you can count them for the tooth fairy then she can do them too. Also explain that she will get one of the really COOl stickers if she doesnt get upset/angry/lets mummy do it. Tell her that not letting you do it or a tantrum will result in no star etc no matter if she then does the teeth. you have to stick to your guns or her getting a star says that she can throw one tantrum then do it.hope this makes sense.

 

[Tilly]

Thats what I was worried about sonny - her thinking she can be a bugger and STILL get a star. I was giving them to her after a tantrum, but started to think that it wasn't helping the situation for me. She will brush her own teeth no problem and I do explain before hand that she will get a star if shes a good girl. I used to brush her teeth first, then id do mine and she would do her own.. I kind of messed this one up for myself by letting her brush her teeth first a few times instead of her getting to brush her own teeth after shes been a good girl for mummy (hope that makes sense)! Today, she refused.. so rather than battle with her and get stressed, I calmly replied "ok, no star for Bethanie.. bye stars, bye toothbrush" lol.
sonny do you think she will understand the tooth fairy talk at her age? (obviously she won't know what the 'tooth fairy' is, but do you think she will get what I mean at all.

Tezzy - you have the same problem as me then, she used to be good as gold.. this is very recent. At night she is fine because Sonny (my boyfriend) does them and she is always good for daddy because he doesn't take any nonsense! He did start giving her 2 stars for a while, but I asked him to stop because my 1 star probably wouldn't seem such a reward after that - am I over analysing thinking of it like that?

Oh and one more question - do you think stars alone is enough of a reward at her age..? the fun of choosing a colour and sticking it down on her 'star paper'?

 

[sonny]

That is more than enough for a reward at her age.
we dont reward the boys for things like teeth/dressed etc as they are the basics now so just reward it for a while.just explain the tooth fairy thing to her and in time she will understand. if our youngest boy doesnt do his teeth for long enough i threaten to phone the tooth fairy then phone my "friend/family" to talkto him on the phone. also works with santa too lol

 

[Tilly]

Thanks sonny

 

[Sarah88]

How did it go Tilly?

 

[Tilly]

She brushed her teeth this morning!! yay

I got hold of a hard skin remover to use as a "phone" (it hasn't been used yet lol) and said "Right, it's the tooth fairy.. she said you MUST brush your teeth today, or no star!".. I explained that she would get a star if she was good, and could brush her own teeth afterwards. She did a bit, then refused.. so I pretended to speak to tooth fairy again lol and got Bethanie to say "RARRRR" - opening her mouth wide.. then she let me brush

Thanks for the advice everyone!

OH and she wouldn't brush them just now, so I pretended Fifi (flowertot) was on the phone and it worked a treat lol.