When will I start to feel normal again?

[DVCGIRL]

This is my second posting and I'm hoping someone out there can give me some advice. I found out on Jan 25 (9w6d) that my baby had died at 6w. This was my first after 4 years of trying naturally and with unsuccessful infertility treatments. So my hubby and I both thought this was our (naturally conceived) miracle baby that we had been praying so hard for.

I just want to feel normal again! My hubby is moving on so much better than I am. He's finding positive in this and letting me grieve how I need to. I cry everyday. I feel so empty inside. I truly believe everything happens for a reason but this one I'm at a total loss. People keep telling me that there was probably something wrong with the baby. And I can accept that. What I can't accept is why did it get that far? I walked around for 4 weeks with a dead baby inside me and had no idea. I truly felt in my heart that everything was fine. I was raised a Christian and I believe that I have a pretty strong faith, but now I'm really afraid that my faith is hanging on by a thread. Why would God do this to us? I feel like He dangled our baby in front of us and took him/her away. That's what I mean by why did He let it get that far? I hate that I feel this way. Nothing anyone says seems to help so far. Does anyone have any advice or at least understand where my feelings are coming from? On top of all my grief I feel like such an awful Christian for being angry at God.

 

[ttc126]

I am so so very sorry for your loss. I've been asking a lot of the same questions. We had a complete surprise baby that I'm now miscarrying at 6 weeks. I feel like why would God give us that baby only to take it away? I'm so sorry. It's ok to work through all of your feelings and grief. We don't have all of the answers. Sometimes, God can only accomplish great things through our trials. I can tell you that my doctor said most miscarriage happen where the baby has stopped developing and passed and then days or even weeks later you start to miscarry. Many women don't realize if they don't have a scan. I'm so sorry. I don't have the right words. It sucks

 

[lostmom]

Hi DVCGIRL

Bad day too, I think they call it the anger stage!! my body is almost back to normal and I hate it, my tearful moments are almost passing and I feel so angry and frustrated, I'm trying to be positive but even little things are getting on my nerves, couldn't logon to my online banking to pay a bill and felt like screaming.

Don't even get me going with god, I'm upset with him too as if we don't have enough questions going on in our head we are also questioning our faith!!

I'm trying to get my logical side of the brain to kick in and make plans for the future, but that's easier said than done.

I'm here if you need to chat anytime sending hugs xx

 

[Trying4first1]

So sorry for your loss

I have now had 3 babies taken from me. I have always wanted to be a mother but it seems that God has other plans. But why!? I'm not a bad person. I have always loved children and I'm very maternal. I'm also a teacher and love my kids I teach. I feel like I've been punished and I don't know why.
In worship the other day I felt so angry and resentful. Such a horrible feeling.
I hope that things will change one day. All I have now is hope but just in a much smaller amount.

Again so sorry for your loss. I also at 9 weeks this time. Baby died in week 6.

 

[lostmom]

Hi Trying4first1

I'm so sorry for your loss and I can totally understand where you are coming from, and that's ok the feelings you have, you are a good person who has just been through something so bad, you question everything and that is why you are a good person, you are trying to deal with what is currently going on in your own mind, heart and body, but yet still reaching out and talking and helping others.

its hard when your faith tests you, you as a teacher "one of the oldest profession! should know this and it must be hard, but do you know its human nature to hurt feel pain and feel really annoyed (I could be more rude by swearing!!) but I think I'm up to my limit of F words recently!

Have you any idea about why you miscarry? Or are the doctors looking into this for you? I know you are from the UK my very first miscarriage was when I was 23 and I was living in Scotland at the time and the healthcare professionals looked into it as it was a molar pregnancy and the advice and care was fantastic Dundee university hospital (I hope that's what its called) looked after me really well and I believe Scotland has a very productive rate of getting to the bottom of the whys and how's with medical studies.

I hope you will be blessed and I know I've not used up all my wishes in life, so I have a few spare to go around and after all I'm 40 + years in!!! so I'm giving you a wish and I will also say a prayer for you at my next prayer meeting x

feel free to chat anytime x

 

[Trying4first1]

Hey lostmom
This is the thing. I have so much to give to others. Sometimes I feel I am taken for granted and now this. I just don't understand why we deserve this. I just feel more frustrated now than anything and that black cloud is always there above my head. I just wish that I could blow it away.

I have no idea why I miscarry. They won't do anything here until you have had 3 in a row. I have an appointment in 11 days time with a gyne/ fertility specialist. I am looking nice forward to getting things moving in the right direction. However I am asking aware and scared that half of all RC cases are unexplained. We are also having genetic testing done this time too. Results are weeks and weeks away though. I agree with you that the care is very good. The EPU have been great and I have been cared for well during my stays in hospital. I bet Scotland was lovely 😊

I could imagine a molar pregnancy being a scary time as I know they are very complicated. How many times have you miscarried if you don't mind me asking? Also how many rainbows?

Thank you so much. That means a lot. You are in my thoughts along with all of the other ladies. We have all been through so much. Praying for us that life looks up soon xx

 

[DVCGIRL]

i am so sorry for your losses. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. It makes me feel better that you and others understand how awful this is to go through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers also that we both get our rainbow babies. Feel free to chat anytime.

Xoxo

 

[lesondemavie]

I'm so sorry for all you've been through DVC. I found out that my baby had passed at 6.5 weeks when I went in for my first ultrasound at 8 weeks. This was my very first pregnancy. I too have had thoughts about how awful it is to have unknowingly gone about my days hoping and dreaming with a dead baby in my womb. I'd like to think that I just loved our gremlin so much that my body refused to let it go. I know they say that it was doomed from the start and for the best, but I don't find comfort in that. They say that it was probably just a bad egg or sperm, and then I think of all the cycles of trying why did this one have to work. I don't think this happened for a reason. It just happened, and it's awful. It's a devastating loss. I'm a puddle of tears this morning, but I need to cry today and that's ok. Be angry, be sad...feel what you need to feel. I'm a bit of a mess this morning, but I know I will heal when I'm ready....I hope the same for you in your own time

 

[Propergirl33]

I am very sorry for your loss. I miscarried two weeks ago and have cried everyday. I noticed that keeping busy helps but not always because anything could happen that would trigger the thought. I felt angry at the Lord as well. My husband and I weren't even trying and when it happened we thought it was God's way of telling us to get ready for another child because it was unplanned. We told the kids on Christmas day as a present and they jumped up and down with joy. When I lost the baby i just couldn't understand why God did that. With my circumstances I knew that our family wasn't exactly ready for another child but getting pregnant made me think that God had other plans. So to lose the baby totally confused me and i felt like God played a mean trick on my family. I was very hurt and I decided to write a letter to God explaining to Him how I felt. Although I was angry with Him I know that He is not mean and that He loves me and my family, just like He loves you and your husband. I am still sad when i think about it but I have been counting my blessings. I am still unsure of the purpose of having the miscarriage but i do trust that God will allow me to be able to use my circumstance to be of encouragement or bring forth healing in someone else. Before i had my miscarriage i received unsettling news that the baby didn't have a heartbeat. The doctor wanted to do a D&C if the next time i came back and there was no heart beat. However, I never went back and switched doctors. I prayed and prayed and had faith that everything would be okay with the baby. I used the scriptures I included below to help my mind not be tortured. So imagine how disappointed i was when i naturally miscarried about a month later. Sometimes I don't know what to say but I do know that I just want to scream sometimes because i can't cry. Sometimes I cry unexpectedly. What I am trying to tell you is to go through all of your emotions but remember to pray, read the word, talk to God and spill your heart out to Him. Remind Him that he has called us to be fruitful and to multiply and that the next time you conceive, it will be at His appointed time and that nothing can stop the baby or babies from coming to term. I declare bountiful blessings over you and your husband and healthy children at the right time, in the mighty name of Jesus. I hope that you will be encouraged today and that a heavy burden has been lifted. I felt sad today and came to this forum seeking similar stories from women who have gone through miscarriage because I wanted to find support. Sometimes it helps for some strange reason to find stories you can relate to and I just hope that I have helped somehow. God bless sis

James 1:2-4
Dear brothers, is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don't try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything; strong in character, full and complete.

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with My victorious right hand.

Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ.

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

 

[DVCGIRL]

Dear Propergirl

Thank you so much for responding to my post. Your reply helped me more than you will ever know. Of course I cried when I read it, but you gave me the kick in the butt I needed as far as my faith is concerned. To be honest I didn't really know how to pray anymore and you gave me a wonderful way to talk to God about getting pregnant again.
Thank you also for your prayers for my husband and me. You and your family will definitely be in mine!
If I could I would give you a huge hug right now. I know that God works in mysterious ways and I know something good will come out of both our situations. We just need to be patient and have faith.
I am doing better although I still have my moments when it hits me. But all in all I feel I am healing. I also have hope from my dr that we will get pregnant again and carry to term. So that's what I have to cling to.
Have a great weekend and plz feel free to msg me anytime.