When you don't think you can afford to get married?

[Snow Owl]

So we really want to get married in 2015, but honestly I don't think we can afford it

We've worked out we need to save about £250 a month, not going to happen At a push we can save £150 a month BUT this never happens due to every month something coming up! This month LO needed a high chair, we've planned to go visit our friend and my yearly membership for an organisation I'm part of has come up.

People keep saying 'why not do this' to cut costs. But we've budgeted £2.5-3k for a wedding for 80 in the day and 120 at night. Personally I think we're doing well and can't see this being cut at all! We're doing pretty much everything ourself and have managed to get wedding breakfast for about £8 a head and evening buffet for £250. Which I think is a bargain!

It's my second wedding so my parents are unable to help and OHs mum has made it clear 'its not her job to help'.

We could just have the ceremony and a meal, but were looking at a big bridal party (we're part of a big social group that were no closer to one than another) and my family is 'invite one, invite all'. But that's about 60 people! And I love my cousins and so want them there!!

It just appears everyone around us has huge budgets and I just hate feeling like this

Can we just not afford to get married? Is anyone else in similar situ?

 

[vhal_x]

Is there any reason why it must be 2015? Why not make it another year or two later?

We'd love to get married right now, but we're really crap at saving money. So we've decided that from January 2014, we will save up each month (not just to get married, though), and 2017 might be when we decide to marry xx

 

[lozzy21]

We did not think we could afford to get married untill we wront down a buget planner. We worked out all our essential outgoings, the minimum amount we could spend on food shopping and we surprised ourselfs with how much a month we waisted on crap.

 

[Snow Owl]

We said 2015 because I really wanted to get married before having number 2 and I'd rather not wait more than 2015 to start trying. Lol.

The way things are going I can see us just not getting married

We're already very tight on money in general, household income is £17k and our rent alone is £650 a month!

Just wish I'd met OH 8 years ago and everything would be so much easier

 

[Mummy May]

If getting married is really important, why not just have a registry office thing? You could just go for a nice meal afterwards and if people want to join you then they can pay for themselves. Xx

 

[xemmax]

Why not get married later in the day? We just went to a lovely wedding at 5pm, the reception was then straight after completely cutting out the breakfast. It must have saved a lot of money and was still lovely!

 

[lovelylaura]

Do you have to have a big wedding? could you just not have a really small wedding with just parents? We just wanted to be married not the wedding so we just had a small wedding and it was really lovely. To us being husband and wife was more important than spending a fortune and having to wait years. Hope I didn't offend at all x

 

[joeybrooks]

I agree with the other girls. I am in the same position. I want to be married before starting TTC no 2. We have decided on 4 December 2014, which is a thursday, so that should cut costs in itself.

If I were to be having a dinner for all family, there would be over 100 people, so instead, we are having our ceremony a little later in the day, around 3pm, having dinner for close family (around 25 people) and that night we are hiring a venue for a big party for around 100 with a buffet and DJ.

I am hoping we will be able to afford this, but if it came to it, I would cut out the meal and just get everyone together for the evening and celebrate the marriage.

Marriage (minus the fees etc) is free, it is the wedding that is expensive.

 

[chysantheMUM]

OP - the question you need to ask yourself is 'What are your reasons for wanting to get married?'

After getting engaged, we had big plans for a venue for the ceremony, evening do, dress etc etc but as it gets nearer to the date we have come to realise that we were being unrealistic. We haven't managed to save a penny and because of some major financial problems which have since emerged, it would be impossible for us to save anything. When I first realised this I was pretty upset, I wanted it to be perfect (I haven't been married before and I'm in my 40's, so I had a lot of ideas about how I would like my big day to pan out) but what can you do. We decided to get married in the first place because we want to be a proper family, for all of us to share the same name and for LO to feel part of something solid. The glitz of a big wedding do had nothing to do with the decision and the more I thought about it the more annoyed I became with myself for being sucked into the money swallowing vortex that the wedding business has become. The fact is we won't even be able to raise more than £1,000 for our wedding but I'm damned if I'm going to let that stop me getting married. It has taken a bit of coming to terms with, I'll admit but we have completely downsized our plans. We will be getting married at the registry office, wearing an understated outfit and then having a party at the local social club after. I have ditched all ideas of flowers and decor and the meal will be a basic buffet. Ok its not what we would do if money was no object but its realistic, its what WE can afford and I have no doubt that it will be a fantastic day regardless. I would rather just get married now at a registry office than have to save and wait for years or even worse take out a loan for something that will be over and done with in the space of 24 hours. The wedding day itself is not important, its what comes after that counts