When you have a miscarriage, but you have already named your child...
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When we were expecting our first child we were fairly certain of a girls name, Elisabeth Grace, but not so sure on a boys name. Robert Joseph was mentioned but it was in amongst Blake, Alistair and Cameron, and we hadn't made a decision. Alistair Joseph was probably our favourite.
When we were told our baby had died at the 20 week scan they were unable to see if he was a boy or a girl, he wasn't in the right position, and we had to wait two more days until he was born.
In the meantime we chose a list of names that could suit a boy or a girl as they had told us their was a chance that they wouldn't know even when he was born without tests and an autopsy (apparently in cases like ours the baby can have been gone for some days or weeks and their condition deteriorates quite quickly).
So we tried to think of unisex names and Ally was our favourite because it was nice for a girl but also what we would have shortened Alistair to anyway. As it happened, we knew he was a boy as soon as he was born but went with the name anyway because it seemed right by then. At the last minute I changed my mind about Joseph as a middle name (Joseph MacRae was my grandads name) and went with MacRae instead as it just seemed to fit better.
When we had Elisabeth we still went with the girls name we had picked out while I was expecting Ally, and sadly she died very shortly after her birth.
And with Joseph, I really felt that Joseph Robert was the right name for him whereas from the start with Ally I couldn't see that Robert Joseph was quite right.
If we go on to have more children I would never name them Ally MacRae or Elisabeth Grace though or any part of those names either, not even as a middle name in memory. I think it's nice that some people can give a middle name in memory but it doesn't feel like the right thing for me to do somehow.
I like that Joseph and Ally can both share a name that belonged to their great-grandad without being called the same thing as each other though.
When we were told our baby had died at the 20 week scan they were unable to see if he was a boy or a girl, he wasn't in the right position, and we had to wait two more days until he was born.
In the meantime we chose a list of names that could suit a boy or a girl as they had told us their was a chance that they wouldn't know even when he was born without tests and an autopsy (apparently in cases like ours the baby can have been gone for some days or weeks and their condition deteriorates quite quickly).
So we tried to think of unisex names and Ally was our favourite because it was nice for a girl but also what we would have shortened Alistair to anyway. As it happened, we knew he was a boy as soon as he was born but went with the name anyway because it seemed right by then. At the last minute I changed my mind about Joseph as a middle name (Joseph MacRae was my grandads name) and went with MacRae instead as it just seemed to fit better.
When we had Elisabeth we still went with the girls name we had picked out while I was expecting Ally, and sadly she died very shortly after her birth.
And with Joseph, I really felt that Joseph Robert was the right name for him whereas from the start with Ally I couldn't see that Robert Joseph was quite right.
If we go on to have more children I would never name them Ally MacRae or Elisabeth Grace though or any part of those names either, not even as a middle name in memory. I think it's nice that some people can give a middle name in memory but it doesn't feel like the right thing for me to do somehow.
I like that Joseph and Ally can both share a name that belonged to their great-grandad without being called the same thing as each other though.
Panda_Ally
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Thats a tough one.. I think its personal preferance... I personalwould give my child a new name other wise it almost seems like replacing the child that was lost iykwim.
beccaboo
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well if you think about it most people name their children after people they were close with that have passed away. its not looked at as replacing that person.. just remembering and honoring them.
i have never been in the situation, so honestley i dont know what i would do.
i have never been in the situation, so honestley i dont know what i would do.
BlackBerry25
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Hard to say.
I had the name Helena picked out and I had a mc, but I felt strongly like I would have had a boy that time, and he would obviously have a boy name. We will probably use the name if we have son. So yes I guess I would use the name.
I had the name Helena picked out and I had a mc, but I felt strongly like I would have had a boy that time, and he would obviously have a boy name. We will probably use the name if we have son. So yes I guess I would use the name.
livbaybee1
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No i doubt i would, that name would be for the baby i lost, and if that was the case, id probley call the baby i lost something speical , like angel or something, rather than a normal name, if u get what i mean lol? something like that.
But everyones diff
x
But everyones diff
x
maybebaby3
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i don't think that i would use the name for another child but it is personal preference really.
Ell87
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I had a termination when I was 15 (My parents forced me into it, very long story) and we called the baby Thomas (It was my now DH's baby). It helped me grieve for the baby even though we never knew what it was. When we had our son it never even crossed my mind to use that name again, not even as a middle name. But then with this baby, our 4th, DH said he thought Thomas would be a nice name to use to help me get some closure on what happened. I was toying with the idea for a while and had decided to use it as a middle name, but the baby is a girl so it's irrelevant now anyway.
x-Rainbow-x
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I think it is definately personal preference,
we named phoebe , phoebe alexandra
We named Alex, Alexander because its my dad and grandads name and to honour his big sister too
for a girl though i would never use phoebes name again.
when phoebe was born my mil said......well do you not want to call her something else and keep that name for a live baby seeing how its so nice
needless to say i didnt take kindly to that .
we named phoebe , phoebe alexandra
We named Alex, Alexander because its my dad and grandads name and to honour his big sister too
for a girl though i would never use phoebes name again.
when phoebe was born my mil said......well do you not want to call her something else and keep that name for a live baby seeing how its so nice
needless to say i didnt take kindly to that .
Bunnipowder
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If I was preg with a boy (and if I ever am in the future) this time I was going to use Callum as a middle name to honor him. For 10 weeks whilst I was pregnant with Callum I was told he was a girl and so I was calling him Jasmine. I would of used Jasmine this time as a first or a second name as I love the name and also in a way honoring Callum again but I have a diff OH now and it seemed a bit weird that I was going to name this baby the same name I had chosen with my Ex although he didnt have any input into that name. I dont think my Oh would feel comftorble about it either even though he does like the name and he was fine with using Callum as a middle name.
when phoebe was born my mil said......well do you not want to call her something else and keep that name for a live baby seeing how its so nice
needless to say i didnt take kindly to that .
I know what you mean, someone asked us if we regretted using Elisabeth's name when I was pregnant again with Joseph, in case we had another girl and it upset me because it just felt right that we use it for her. It was her name and is her name.
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Hi,
I didnt know if Honey was a boy or a girl until she was born. She was always going to be Honey for a girl or McKenzie for a boy. When I got pregnant with her little sister I just couldnt use Honey for a middle name, and I would also not be able to use McKenzie as I had used both to refer to Honey when she was bump. So for me no, but I know lots of people that do
I didnt know if Honey was a boy or a girl until she was born. She was always going to be Honey for a girl or McKenzie for a boy. When I got pregnant with her little sister I just couldnt use Honey for a middle name, and I would also not be able to use McKenzie as I had used both to refer to Honey when she was bump. So for me no, but I know lots of people that do
Well we chose Charlotte for a girl last time i was pregnant as it is the only girls name i truly love.
We had a missed m/c at 9 weeks but that baby was Charlotte in our eyes.
Now we are pregnant again i really wish i could use the name but *if* i found out my mum had a m/c and was going to call it Aimee i would feel like it was a reminder that i wouldn't be here if she hadn't lost the last one and that she couldn't be bothered thinking of a new name.
A harsh opinion maybe but it is how i feel.
We had a missed m/c at 9 weeks but that baby was Charlotte in our eyes.
Now we are pregnant again i really wish i could use the name but *if* i found out my mum had a m/c and was going to call it Aimee i would feel like it was a reminder that i wouldn't be here if she hadn't lost the last one and that she couldn't be bothered thinking of a new name.
A harsh opinion maybe but it is how i feel.
JayDee
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I think it's up to you and how you feel about it, if, for example, they are names that you and OH have had picked out for ages then that's a bit different than names you have had picked out for a specific child.
We still can't decide on a name at 25 weeks so don't think it's an issue we'll ever face. We refer to him as a nickname anyway (which we could call him if we had to officially name him if we had to) and think we'll just choose a new nickname next time regardless.
We still can't decide on a name at 25 weeks so don't think it's an issue we'll ever face. We refer to him as a nickname anyway (which we could call him if we had to officially name him if we had to) and think we'll just choose a new nickname next time regardless.
angelmummy
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Personally i could not use my angel sons name he was stillborn at 39+6 and we called him Kieran Jacob, i could not use either name again because i feel quite strongly they are his names and if he was here we would not use the names again for this bump so just becuase he is not with usi still cannot use them, i feel his names are his.
it is a personal thing though. i know a girl who lost her baby at 30 weeks and she had a name picked out, but when baby died she changed name to something else to keep the name for her next child if the same sex.
i could not to this, but think its a very personal thing and you have to do what you feel is right for you and your family.
m x
it is a personal thing though. i know a girl who lost her baby at 30 weeks and she had a name picked out, but when baby died she changed name to something else to keep the name for her next child if the same sex.
i could not to this, but think its a very personal thing and you have to do what you feel is right for you and your family.
m x
Snowball
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If I'm being totally honest Beau would have probably have been called Ozzie had he have survived. We had decided on the name about a week before he died.
However when we found he had died my feelings totally changed. I wanted to give him a name that had meaning, that was special to us. So we decided the night before he was born that he would be called Beau.
When I found out I was pregnant again we looked at different names and kept coming back to the name Ozzie, it just felt right. We didn't want to use Beau's name as a middle name but the name Ozzie also had special meaning and a connection to Beau, hence why we are using it
However when we found he had died my feelings totally changed. I wanted to give him a name that had meaning, that was special to us. So we decided the night before he was born that he would be called Beau.
When I found out I was pregnant again we looked at different names and kept coming back to the name Ozzie, it just felt right. We didn't want to use Beau's name as a middle name but the name Ozzie also had special meaning and a connection to Beau, hence why we are using it
