When you let people into your infertile world...

[Molae06]

There are a few people I have let into my infertile world, not completely sure why because all they do is irritate me, but it just makes me so sad sometimes. Earlier I was talking to my sister about how my ticker thing says I have baby danced 945 times and made a joke and she wanted to know what else it said. So I told her and she wondered how I keep track of all that and I explained in the beginning you put in numbers and it updates on its own.

She proceeded to tell me that its not even accurate then blah blah blah. Stupid argument really, but it's one that really got to me. And so I told her well no it's not completely accurate, but pretty darn close. Went on to explain how I usually start testing for pregnancy on the same cycle day each month, how I use ovulation tests the same amount each month, how we have sex like clock work pretty much etc etc.

Her reply...sounds boring, mix it up a little.....really? Are you flipping kidding me? I just set myself up for disaster every time I try to talk to someone who doesn't understand. I know I should learn by now. Also proceeds to tell me that there is no way I have possibly used that many pregnancy tests, makes a joke about how with the amount of money I have spent I should just "buy" a baby. Funny jokes coming from a person who has 2 beautiful children. Maybe I could buy one from her?

 

[Mommyagain]

Maybe I could buy one from her?

This made me giggle....

I think people would be utterly SHOCKED to know how many hpt and opk that us ltttc ladies can go through. I actually have done well this cycle and only used six hpts. Yay me!

People who haven't been in our shoes just don't get it.

 

[Molae06]

Seriously. And it really does sound like an unbelievable number too, not sure I would believe it if I wasn't a LTTTC'er either. I know I normally go through about 7 give or take...but if there is a slightest chance I have had ANY early pregnancy symptom I start testing like a maniac. I am very embarrassed to say but on the month I had my chemical I spent nearly $400 in pregnancy tests. About $200 when I first saw that BFP, and an additional $200 after I confirmed with a dr. Sad to say and makes me want to cry, but I remember even testing after I started bleeding and I was surely positively not pregnant anymore. I just couldnt fathom the fact that I might not ever get to see that bfp again.

 

[Molae06]

Also, sometimes I POAS right after trigger, but to make sure the pak of sticks I bought is "working". I am seriously addicted to TTC. Sad really.

 

[Chickensoup85]

I find the same. I am lucky enough to not have had any really insensitive comments, apart from one, but everything people say to "make me feel better" makes me want to slap them round the head. The one that really gets to me is; you never know, my mum and dad took 7 years to have me blah blah blah, or, I met someone who was told they couldn't have kids and now she's pregnant, naturally! Yes, that's great for them, but there really needs to be sperm available for pregnancy to be achieved. I pointed this out once as I was been given the "you never know" lecture and she still came back with, "it just takes one." Excuse me?? Haven't I told you that we don't have just one??? Why don't these people just listen carefully to what you have told them, maybe do a bit of research themselves to really try and "get it".

Sorry, I have hijacked your thread with my own personal rant! Reading what your sister said made me angry for you! Then I imagined my sister saying it and got angry with her, even though she hasn't said anything. Oh dear, I think this LTTTC is getting to me lol.

Oh, the most insensitive thing someone has said (my deputy head)... I was really upset, had just told her we were having trouble conciveing and her first response was, bare in mind I'm a crying snotty mess by this point, "are you just trying to have a baby to get out of this place?" I will never forgive her for that comment.

 

[PinkPeony]

I have a "friend" like this that I made the mistake of letting her in on what's going on. Every time we talk about it I just get this reaction of disbelief from her and she acts like I'm exaggerating everything, like I'm just being dramatic or overly negative. You know what, I still haven't conceived after 2 years of thowing everything I have at it financially, physically and emotionally so yes, it's hard to imagine as a fertile person, but that's my reality. My real friends will just listen and give me a hug and say - damn that really sucks. and seriously that is all I need.

 

[Molae06]

Your stories made me smile...not because of the hurt their comments cause us, just the simple fact that some of the things that are said are so ridiculous! My sister always has to remind me that she was "infertile" for 7 years while she was ttc my neice. Which really, no. For one thing she was only in her relationship for 7 years and I remember 4 years into her relationship she asked to borrow money for Plan B because she had sex and hadn't taken her bcp in a few days. So , if anything, they weren't even trying for the first 4 years. On top of that her boyfriend was so heavy into drugs that I wouldn't be suprised if all of his sperm had shriveled up and died. On top of the fact that when I first started talking to her about ttc she had no idea what HCG was...funny from someone who has 2 kids.....knew what ovulation was but didnt know anything about when its supposed to happen, how to find out etc etc. It was like I was from a different planet the first time I tried having a conversation with her.

Then I remember my other sister who has 3 kids, when I had my chemical pregnancy, I had told her that I was pregnant, but then had to retract my statement a week later when it was not so. I remember saying, the pregnancy isn't going to work out, I got my bloodwork results and my beta hcg level dropped significantly. Her response "What's beta HCG level?" I was so upset I said "come on, you have 3 kids how can you not know??!!?" and stormed out. Funny looking back on it, but man was I peeved.

 

[Molae06]

Chickensoup, you didn't hijack my thread, I like talking to people who understand and hearing from them.

 

[ChartsNHearts]

There are a few people I have let into my infertile world, not completely sure why because all they do is irritate me

This made me laugh because that's how I feel too!

I decided recently that it was time to tell both sets of parents, my sister and my best friend that we have been TTC for a while but that it's not working out for us yet. On the one hand I'm happy that I did because it has stopped the constant "when are you going to have children?" questioning, but on the other hand those questions have now been replaced with ridiculous, unhelpful suggestions instead!

From my best friend: Well, I wouldn't know anything about TTC because we got pregnant on our first try

From my husband's mum: You should just relax because stressing about it will only make it worse

From my mum: You're having trouble because you were on the pill for too long

And, also from my mum: You need to make sure that you stay lying down for a while after you've had sex

Seriously??!!!

 

[Molae06]

chartsnhearts,

We told both sets of parents as well. Dh's side of the family was all "why are you spending that kind of money etc etc", until I had a chemical last year and they saw how it killed me, especially one year later and no BFP. They are more supportive now, but my mom keeps saying things like "I know I have said this before but what if you just quit thinking about it so much and it will happen." Yea mom, because "not thinking" about it will jumpstart my ovulation...no meds needed! Thanks doc. Sheesh

 

[ces2008]

Im lucky that my family is totally supportive. Im an open book about my "unexplained female infertility". Proof of that is writing our story to be part of a book. But everybody Im close to, including my coworkers, know. I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, and dont have the luxery of keeping things to myself. My family tires so hard to not say the wrong thing. They listen whenever I need to vent. At first, they used to say things like "when its meant to be, it will happen" or "stop trying and it will happe". Those have been replaced with "no you dont want to give up. you know if u do, it will haunt u" and "just think, when it finally happens, it will be that much more special". My sister, who had 4 kids ages 7, 6, 4, and 18 months; and my cousin who is 19, and suffered one miscarriage a year ago at like 10 weeks; both have offered on multiple occasions to become surragates for me if I want. My MIL is one who really doesnt understand. Im on meds for depression, which my dr and I have decided I need to stay on throughout pregnancy. My MIL, trying to "help" always asks me and my DH if our trouble is caused by my meds. Like, all the time! But, she tries!

 

[LoveCakes]

My mum, who knows everything almost told me off for saying I didn't want to hear about my cousin who is on to her second accident since I started trying. Apparently I can't begrudge other people their babies. I know I shouldn't but I do, and while I'm happy for her it's makes it worse for me.

My most hated comment is "you'll get there". How do they know? Are they from the future? I know people just say it to say something but I'd rather they said nothing.

Hubby has told a few more people than me and apparently most people ask if it's causing trouble between us. Luckily it has actually brought us closed together but now I'm paranoid people thought we were in trouble and this was why!