Who knows your ttc?

[Mrs. Love]

I'm super excited to finally be trying. I want to tell all my girlfriends especially the ones who've been asking when. I'm not sure if I should or not. What have guys done? Did you have any thoughts

I did read the idea if don't tell anyone that you're pregnant before 3 months that you wouldn't tell about a miscarriage. Which I think is a good rule of thumb. But what about close friends when you are trying? Hmmmm

 

[KatO79]

DH and I have told just about everyone: his parents, my mother, my brother and SIL, my sister, his little brother's girlfriend and our closest friends. The only backfire is sometimes people will start giving advice if you're not one of those women who gets pregnant within 3-4 months. One of my friends is a bit annoying and asks me every month if I'm pregnant yet

So if you want to avoid questions and maybe even advice every month then maybe be very selective who you tell. I kinda regret so many know because some of them are being pests I don't want to know how many times my sister and SIL have been toting the just-relax-and-it-will-happen mantra which gets old after 10 months of TTCing

I'm also going with the 3 month rule and won't tell anyone I'm pregnant until then, DH being the exception of course

 

[Lithodora]

Absolutely nobody in real life other than my husband knows! Two of my friends know we've discussed ttc but that's all they no, we were know closer to actually doing it when I last told them that. Everybody would be very shocked if we said we were having a baby, we're very newly married (and everybody was surprised when we got engaged, we were together 3 years, most of our friends are together longer before getting engaged), and they don't expect it from us. Tbh we're not exactly prepared for it mentally right now ourselves, would like to leave it at least a few years, but we realise that in terms of ages and stuff we might as well try now rather than leave it a few years and regret it or face problems.

If I did get pregnant I would almost immediately tell a couple of friends and my parents, I wouldn't mention it to his family or more friends but if I had a miscarriage I'd tell his family, my friends, and my family if it came up, they would be very supportive. Miscarriage is incredibly common but nobody talks about it, in our families we do talk about it so people know it's normal if it happens to them, so it wouldn't bother me to tell them and lean on them a bit if needed.

 

[mrs.ginger]

We didn't tell anyone when we were trying for DD. We are NTNP right now and when we go full TTC we won't tell anyone this time either. We decided (well I decided this really) because I didn't want the added pressure. Especially if, as Kat already mentioned, it happens to take come time to conceive. I picture everyone that knew to be constantly asking how it's going, lending advice and even if they weren't asking they would still be surely wondering. No thanks! Haha. It will be our little secret

 

[Lithodora]

Yeah every time we'd visit his parents his mum would be offering ttc advice, I can do without that!

 

[Sophina]

We're telling friends that we're NTNP. Family is harder. His mother thinks I still have my iud in, but she knows we had a "scare" in April (a huge disappointment actually) because she's nosy and looked at my bathroom trash which was full of hpt wrappers. My parents are extremely old fashioned and won't approve since we didn't get married first so they don't know anything at all.

 

[DandJ]

I've told a few close girlfriends, but that's about it. If we have a hard time TTC, it would be obvious because people would be asking if we're pregnant or not. Although, when we do finally get pregnant... only telling immediate family. After 3 months of no problems, then I will tell my friends and social media. I do feel like if you tell a few family members you're pregnant and you do miscarry, atleast you have people who can console you without going through the emotional rollercoaster alone.

 

[Lithodora]

If I do get pregnant I will tell closest people, then just tell people/let them notice as I see them. I wouldn't be one for posting it on social media, I'd happily put up photos like normal of occasions/nights out just with a bump But I wouldn't be making an announcement on fb or anything, that's not really done too often here, or maybe just by my friend group.

 

[littlemeorhim]

We have told no one. We have been trying for 8 months now though. Right now i am 5DPO and if i do end up pregnant husband will be the first to know!! I can't wait to surprise him with it!! They get to surprise us with a proposal so this is like our BIG surprise!!

 

[DandJ]

They get to surprise us with a proposal so this is like our BIG surprise!!

Awww, I never thought of it that way but very true!! Fx for you!

 

[beardyco]

We haven't told anyone we are trying it's just our little secret. Although if anyone goes raking around the bedroom they will see a drawer with little baby things we have picked up this past few month.

Our rule of thumb is once we get a positive I think we will tell our parents and family and then at the first scan it will then be announced to friends and work.

 

[MiaGirl]

It's funny I never minded people asking me about our baby timeline before we were trying, cause it was easy to just say we weren't trying. But now when people ask or it comes up in group discussions, I try to just avoid it. It's hard though because I don't want to lie but I also don't want to tell them. Now I understand why that can be a sensitive question. I've let a few of my closest friends know, but I really don't want many people knowing. Neither of our families know anything, but we'll tell them right away when it happens. Hopefully it's sooner rather than later!

 

[Bama2262]

Mrs. love I wouldn't tell anyone. I made the mistake of telling friends and my SIL, I get asked all the time are you pregnant yet. A lot of, are you doing this and you need to be doing that. Sometimes it gets very overwhelming.

 

[Fruitee]

Only 1 friend and a colleague, no family know...and I won't be telling them any time soon, I want it to stay our secret especially if and when we get our bfp I'm glad I confided in my friend though, it has made things easier as she has just had a baby so can ask her random questions

 

[Shandis]

Everyone one that asks I tell. When we first started trying I didn't tell everyone but it's been so long it's not a big deal to tell everyone we are trying but having issues. Especially when people ask why we don't have kids after being together for 9 years married for 6.

 

[jumpingo]

we got married in june in the states, but we live in japan, so we had a reception-type party here for our japan "family" the other day and i got asked if i was pregnant AT the party.

it seems that in japan, there is a HUGE assumption that as soon as you get married you are going to have kids. for us, that's not far from what we want, so it's not that big of a deal, but i cannot imagine the frustration of not wanting kids right away and putting up with all the questions here. or even worse, wanting kids but not being able to get pregnant and having to field questions that just rub it in that you're not.

anyway, it's still early either way for us, so i just tried to laugh and say, "no, but we're practicing" the couple people standing around laughed but then didn't really push it past that, so i think something similar might work in english too?

we aren't telling anyone we are actively TTC but we have expressed wanting kids, so i think my parents have made their assumptions? i am not sure i would tell my parents right away if we get pregnant. my mom tells people stuff in my tiny hometown, even if i tell her NOT to, so i don't trust her not to tell the whole world i'm pregnant, and i couldn't deal with the damage control if it didn't work out.

at the same time, i think they will have sneaking suspicions that we are pregnant before we actually tell them. parents are just like that, right?

my husband and i have also talked about facebook, and are actually close to quitting, and will probably not put any kind of official announcement up, but if there are photos of me with a bump, i wouldn't purposefully NOT put them up (unless they are unflattering, but that goes for ANY photo that finds its way to facebook!)

 

[MrsG09]

We haven't really told anyone we're TTC. I think for us, it's mostly just easier that way. Both of our mom's already want grandkids and have for awhile, but have understood our reasoning for waiting.

My mom actually made a comment to me about how she thought for sure we would start on a trip DH and I took a few months ago...what she doesn't know is, we did start trying then. It wasn't easy to hear that and I almost told her we did, but I just couldn't deal with the disappointment. I did say something about how even if we had started, not everyone has success on try #1...so she might have gotten the hint, but not sure. Sometimes I would love her shoulder to cry on, but she's half ways across the country anyways, so it's just a phone call.

DH's mom and I were talking about medical issues when we were home for a visit...I have had terrible migraine's for about 8 years, which she was asking about. I said I recently realized that they likely started when I started bc, so I stopped earlier this year and eventually was able to taper off my migraine preventative . Really not a ttc confession, but in a way a slight hint even though I really did realize the bc might have been the culprit.

I know if I straight up said something to either one of them, we would probably get pestered. This way, they can guess or suspect, but they respect our privacy. I would love to have a friend or two to talk to, but most of my friends aren't at a point in their life of being ready to try, so with them, it's more out of respect to knowing where they are and knowing it might hurt them.

 

[BeachyFeelin]

I've told 3 friends and I regret it. Two of the friends are married and have 3 children of their own, a 2 year old and they just had twins. They didn't have a problem getting pregnant. When I asked questions about TTC my friend said "just have sex" - so they don't understand at all.

My other friend makes a joke of it now, like if I don't want to drink it's because I'm pregnant. In the beginning it was funny, but now I get annoyed. But it's just because I'm so upset it's taking so long.

You should do what you want to do, but personally I don't need those extra pressure or wondering eyes every time I decline a drink or gain a little weight.

Besides - I really want to surprise my family with the news when it happens. If they already know we are TTC they will probably figure out I'm pregnant before I get to tell them.

 

[bohemiangel]

I've told my three closest friends. One of them is also TTC (going into her 6th month now) so she is certainly sympathetic. The other two thankfully don't pester me about it much (yet ). Our situation is a little "controversial" in that my boyfriend and I still live apart for the time being, but we're planning on moving in together within the year. Neither of us can wait that long to start trying, as we're both a bit older and ready to at least start trying! Just starting cycle #2 today! *fingers crossed!*