Who will you see at Christmas??

[Midnight_Fairy]

First year being 200miles from my family :-o

 

[zorak]

Christmas is very much a family time for us. We appreciate it more after living overseas for years. It makes me sad to see people prioritising toys over spending time with family.

Christmas Eve we will see my parents and sister since we are going to the panto together. No doubt other family members will be about my mum's too.

Christmas day. We do Santa just us 4 at home then pop to my parents at lunch time when all my 5 siblings and their families will be there. My parents will come to us for Christmas dinner and the evening.

Boxing day will probably just be us 4.

27th is my side of the families festive party. It's at my parents house and my 5 siblings and their families will all be there.

28th we travel to my Mother in Laws(3 hours drive ) and stay there until the 4th. So that's us 4, Mil, Bil and a Great Uncle. Mil stays in the smalk town my husband grew up in so we catch up with a lot of close friends during that time too.

 

[Pearls18]

Christmas is very much a family time for us. We appreciate it more after living overseas for years. It makes me sad to see people prioritising toys over spending time with family.

I find your post quite judgemental, you can just say what you like to do without criticising others. I mentioned playing with gifts in my post as a side but it's not about prioritising toys, growing up my parents kept Christmas as a nuclear family thing, it's what we all enjoyed, it's a special time and I've always enjoyed doing it in our own little bubble whether that's when I was a child or now as a parent. We live a very busy life, my husband and I work full time, my youngest goes to nursery full time, my eldest has school + school clubs, Christmas is a time the 4 of us can all spend together, no interruptions, enjoying good food, playing games, not travelling to and from the numerous houses we have to visit. Not to mention the fact my husband has been away for 4 months, we need to prioritise each other right now. Growing up Christmas was a time for close family, and yes enjoying our gifts from Santa! We then go to back to our home town over new year and do special meals with family then. Everyone has their reasons for doing things a certain way, it doesn't mean it's about toys or whatever else.

 

[zorak]

Christmas is very much a family time for us. We appreciate it more after living overseas for years. It makes me sad to see people prioritising toys over spending time with family.

I find your post quite judgemental, you can just say what you like to do without criticising others. I mentioned playing with gifts in my post as a side but it's not about prioritising toys, growing up my parents kept Christmas as a nuclear family thing, it's what we all enjoyed, it's a special time and I've always enjoyed doing it in our own little bubble whether that's when I was a child or now as a parent. We live a very busy life, my husband and I work full time, my youngest goes to nursery full time, my eldest has school + school clubs, Christmas is a time the 4 of us can all spend together, no interruptions, enjoying good food, playing games, not travelling to and from the numerous houses we have to visit. Not to mention the fact my husband has been away for 4 months, we need to prioritise each other right now. Growing up Christmas was a time for close family, and yes enjoying our gifts from Santa! We then go to back to our home town over new year and do special meals with family then. Everyone has their reasons for doing things a certain way, it doesn't mean it's about toys or whatever else.

My comment wasn't directed at you, I hadn't actually read all the posts. I said it thinking about the growing consumerism surrounding Christmas and like I say after living abroad for years we appreciate familial interaction much more. It wasn't meant to be a critique of anyone here.

 

[Pearls18]

Christmas is very much a family time for us. We appreciate it more after living overseas for years. It makes me sad to see people prioritising toys over spending time with family.

I find your post quite judgemental, you can just say what you like to do without criticising others. I mentioned playing with gifts in my post as a side but it's not about prioritising toys, growing up my parents kept Christmas as a nuclear family thing, it's what we all enjoyed, it's a special time and I've always enjoyed doing it in our own little bubble whether that's when I was a child or now as a parent. We live a very busy life, my husband and I work full time, my youngest goes to nursery full time, my eldest has school + school clubs, Christmas is a time the 4 of us can all spend together, no interruptions, enjoying good food, playing games, not travelling to and from the numerous houses we have to visit. Not to mention the fact my husband has been away for 4 months, we need to prioritise each other right now. Growing up Christmas was a time for close family, and yes enjoying our gifts from Santa! We then go to back to our home town over new year and do special meals with family then. Everyone has their reasons for doing things a certain way, it doesn't mean it's about toys or whatever else.

My comment wasn't directed at you, I hadn't actually read all the posts. I said it thinking about the growing consumerism surrounding Christmas and like I say after living abroad for years we appreciate familial interaction much more. It wasn't meant to be a critique of anyone here.

I didn't say it was, but I suppose I read it as a critique on those who said kids like to stay at home to play with toys (perhaps being a tad sensitive ha!) we have lived away from family for many years now, but prioritise our nuclear family due to busy lifestyle, I guess as with everything it's what you are used to growing up or your own circumstances now. And how much you like your extended family! (joshing!) we have family split up over 15 miles or so (4+ hours away) some not speaking to others, divorced parents, it is a stressful affair getting around to everyone fairly, not being able to drink (!) boys playing up being moved around constantly, they like to be home. I like Christmas to be relaxed, we do the mayhem a week later.

 

[loeylo]

Night out with friends on Friday night - my teacher friends do this on the first night of every work holiday!
Saturday - I'll maybe see my parents during the day, but other than them it will just be us three.
Christmas day - my mum, dad, sister and papa are coming over for breakfast and will stay til early afternoon. Then we will get ready and go to my partners parents house. For dinner there will be his mum, dad, gran, myself, my partner and Gracie. After dinner, his sister, bil and their two kids will be round. Potentially his aunt, uncle and cousin too.
Boxing day - dinner with my family (mum, dad, sister, papa, myself, my partner and Gracie)
27th - out with another friend, maybe do a couples day with baby or maybe just the girls.


Yeah I pack a lot in to the festive season. I literally don't get a minute to myself but I love it! We relax the 28th-30th and then it all starts up again for Hogmanay (I'm Scottish so its a big deal ...)

 

[meldmac]

On xmas eve ot is just us. Christmas Day will be us in tje morning then around 3 pm we go to MIL/FILs for supper and the Bils x2 with their so and an aunt x 2 and an uncle will be there.

 

[kazzzzy]

Christmas eve the 3 of us go out for lunch together, then we call to friends of ours for the afternoon, do a present exchange for the kids, they happily play with their new toy (that's the plan !) and we have coffee & cake, love this part of the day, my friend always makes amazing cakes! Chrstmas day we're going to my husband's sister's and her family for dinner & around 7pm we will call to my family to play games for the evening if Emily isn't too tired (will see how she is) St. Stephens Day (Boxing Day) I'm cooking in our house & husband's brother is coming to us, love having family and friends around at Christmas

 

[LoraLoo]

I didn't read Zoraks post as critising, probably because ive not seen anyone say they put gifts over family time though.

I must say mind- im very envious of those if you that spend xmas with a big extended family- it's one of the reasons I wanted lots if children, so that they'll always have each other, and hopefully in years to come I'll have my big extended family too 😊 x

 

[fij123]

This one is sooooo difficult!! I have my mum and brother in Wales, Sister & Nephew in the Midlands and lots of family in London - so hard to get everyone in the same place and no-one wants to make a decision until the last moment ha!

We'll be seeing about 4 of my family this year and the partners whole family too - such a tricky one every year

 

[SmartieMeUp]

Just my parents (they're sleeping Christmas Day too). Unless we video call my sisters.

 

[wtbmummy]

I didn't read Zoraks post as critising, probably because ive not seen anyone say they put gifts over family time though.

I must say mind- im very envious of those if you that spend xmas with a big extended family- it's one of the reasons I wanted lots if children, so that they'll always have each other, and hopefully in years to come I'll have my big extended family too 😊 x

This is the reason I wrote a post. All our family apart from my dad n his wife n kids have moved abroad. And well my dad doesnt really care if they see us or not (he lives a 2min walk away)
Everyone has these lovely christmases with family and then for us its just us 3. But being pregnant and hormonal its been getting me very down this year, another child with no extended family to love and care for it.
I didn't see why someone thought that was critizing post as noone has said its all about presents, but as someone who has no family around I do buy our son extra gifts (which most children get from there nans, grandads, aunties and uncles etc.. but our son doesnt have that.
If that makes me a bad person not wanting my son to miss out then so be it!!!!

The reason n its hit us so hard is my mil used to make me feel extremely guilty for her not having a grandchild (despite me having a medical condition and having to have tons of tests and appointments before each of our babies) and then before our son was 6mo they moved abroad

I just wondered if it was normal to be alone for whole of christmas but it appears that just like dh and I thought most people see family at some point over the holidays.

 

[zorak]

I didn't read Zoraks post as critising, probably because ive not seen anyone say they put gifts over family time though.

I must say mind- im very envious of those if you that spend xmas with a big extended family- it's one of the reasons I wanted lots if children, so that they'll always have each other, and hopefully in years to come I'll have my big extended family too 😊 x

This is the reason I wrote a post. All our family apart from my dad n his wife n kids have moved abroad. And well my dad doesnt really care if they see us or not (he lives a 2min walk away)
Everyone has these lovely christmases with family and then for us its just us 3. But being pregnant and hormonal its been getting me very down this year, another child with no extended family to love and care for it.
I didn't see why someone thought that was critizing post as noone has said its all about presents, but as someone who has no family around I do buy our son extra gifts (which most children get from there nans, grandads, aunties and uncles etc.. but our son doesnt have that.
If that makes me a bad person not wanting my son to miss out then so be it!!!!

The reason n its hit us so hard is my mil used to make me feel extremely guilty for her not having a grandchild (despite me having a medical condition and having to have tons of tests and appointments before each of our babies) and then before our son was 6mo they moved abroad

I just wondered if it was normal to be alone for whole of christmas but it appears that just like dh and I thought most people see family at some point over the holidays.

Everyone's circumstances can be very different. Yes we might have loads of family nearby now but we spent 5 Christmases with just us. I loved those Christmases as much as the ones we have now. As you say, it's all about the kids.

Please don't feel down about it. A small Christmas can be just as lovely. What about including friends in some plans? Throw a wee festive get together. Or just set your own traditions which your kids will love over the years.

Maybe in the New Year you could think about doing one of those befriending programmes for lonely older people? Sometimes friends can be better than family.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I agree ^ circumstances change constantly.

Ive spent an xmas in hosp with no visitors, I have spent an xmad period at home alone with just my son + daughter 3 yrs in a row.

This year I am not near my family at all...my OH has a huge extended family though. 5 brothers, wives, girlfriends etc so will be different...but I know things could change again x

 

[Amarna]

I miss big family Christmas things too, growing up we would spend Christmas Eve with my mother's family...all bajillion of us at my grandma's house and then my aunt's house after grandma passed away and then we'd do Christmas Day with my dad's family. I really miss it. Maybe next year I'll be able to make the trip to see them for the holiday, I've been wanting to for years.

Anyway...this year I'm doing the 23rd with my partner at his place in the evening. Then the 24th or Christmas Eve we'll see our friends for a couple hours. And just us (DH, me and the girls) on Christmas Day. MIL was supposed to visit but DH has now dis-invited her due to her and her husband making some cruel remarks about me being pagan and some other drama. *sigh* So much for a nice, calm holiday. Nothing really planned for the 26th so far, DH will be working and it's not really a big day or anything here.

Edit: Oh! And tonight is a solstice party for the pagan group I'm in. I'm looking forward to that too, it's not Christmas-y per-say but seasonal at least.

 

[c1403]

I must be one of the few that doesn't envy the big family Christmas. I have a small family and was always just us over the main Christmas days (mum dad, me, sister and Nan)
DH has a huge family, mum, step dad, six brothers, two sisters then there's his dad and other sister. Drinking is of most importance and trying to see them was always so chaotic I could never enjoy the time, it was even harder when DD1 was born. Three months old her first Christmas and she cried he whole evening at MIL as they were just soooo loud and drunk. When she was two she wasn't allowed to open a present until the step dad said so...she was one and excited!
I really value our small family Christmas at home me DH and our two girls, this year we do have BIL and SIL (they usually go to Thailand) but I certainly do not crave all of us squashed together around a tiny table and all the shouting to be heard over dinner.

We do go and see DH family usually a day or two after Boxing Day, it is much calmer and the kids enjoy time with relatives much more then Christmas Day when it was so in their face.

Everyone has their way of doing things and I don't think anyone can say what's right or wrong but we do know what's right for our own immediate family and for us that's small and intimate.

 

[c1403]

What is a shame is that families aren't all local to each other anymore....house prices etc. We had to move 30 miles to buy a home, my brother in laws have had to do the same. For us to visit family it means a sleep over and rough nights sleep....houses aren't always big enough for everyone. I would love it if our families were closer and just pop down the road could see each other around Christmas/new year.

 

[pompeyvix]

I didn't read Zoraks post as critising, probably because ive not seen anyone say they put gifts over family time though.

I must say mind- im very envious of those if you that spend xmas with a big extended family- it's one of the reasons I wanted lots if children, so that they'll always have each other, and hopefully in years to come I'll have my big extended family too �� x

This is the reason I wrote a post. All our family apart from my dad n his wife n kids have moved abroad. And well my dad doesnt really care if they see us or not (he lives a 2min walk away)
Everyone has these lovely christmases with family and then for us its just us 3. But being pregnant and hormonal its been getting me very down this year, another child with no extended family to love and care for it.
I didn't see why someone thought that was critizing post as noone has said its all about presents, but as someone who has no family around I do buy our son extra gifts (which most children get from there nans, grandads, aunties and uncles etc.. but our son doesnt have that.
If that makes me a bad person not wanting my son to miss out then so be it!!!!

The reason n its hit us so hard is my mil used to make me feel extremely guilty for her not having a grandchild (despite me having a medical condition and having to have tons of tests and appointments before each of our babies) and then before our son was 6mo they moved abroad

I just wondered if it was normal to be alone for whole of christmas but it appears that just like dh and I thought most people see family at some point over the holidays.

I know where you are coming from. My husband has a large family, but they live abroad. In the 15 years we have been together, we have spent just 2 Christmas' with them.

My family is just me, my mum, my dad (who are not together anymore) and my two nan's. I have no siblings. My mum is mentally unwell and spent all of yesterday lashing out at me over things I haven't done and as a result not only cancelled her trip to come and see us but then layed it on thick saying that she is going to be ALL alone, it is all our fault and she is going to have the worse Christmas ever. It left me feeling distraught as everything she believes I have done, is all in her mind, but she will not listen to me or be reasonable about anything.

So Christmas eve, Christmas dad and boxing day it'll just be the 3 of us. I am spending the 27th with both nan's and then in the evening we will be seeing my dad and he is coming to stay at ours for a couple of nights. We will be having a poker night with his friends and then on the 29th we will be having a games night with my friends. We are also going to longleat tomorrow with my friend, her partner and their children.

As much as the situation with my mum is sad, I must say I am quite looking forward to our small Christmas. I have had Christmas' with lots of people around and I must say that at times it was incredibly stressful. I found myself constantly worrying if everyone was OK and couldn't ever really relax. I like to have a nice, chilled Christmas with no stress and no worries and sometimes with a bigger family that isn't always possible as everyone expects different things. We did have one Christmas where me, my husband and my mum went to a friends for the day and that was really good. However, we haven't done it since because of lives have gone in complete different directions and we are just not very close anymore which is a shame.

BTW , we live in Bournemouth but all my family live in Portsmouth, so very close to you

ETA - we also spoil our little girl with presents. I just love giving and I do feel she misses out by not having a big family who buys gifts for her. We definitely do over compensate, but we save all year for it so I don't feel guilty. We also don't buy her much throughout the year either. We will have to cut back next year as we cant afford to buy as much for her AND her brother, but she'll still do alright!

 

[zorak]

I must be one of the few that doesn't envy the big family Christmas. I have a small family and was always just us over the main Christmas days (mum dad, me, sister and Nan)
DH has a huge family, mum, step dad, six brothers, two sisters then there's his dad and other sister. Drinking is of most importance and trying to see them was always so chaotic I could never enjoy the time, it was even harder when DD1 was born. Three months old her first Christmas and she cried he whole evening at MIL as they were just soooo loud and drunk. When she was two she wasn't allowed to open a present until the step dad said so...she was one and excited!
I really value our small family Christmas at home me DH and our two girls, this year we do have BIL and SIL (they usually go to Thailand) but I certainly do not crave all of us squashed together around a tiny table and all the shouting to be heard over dinner.

We do go and see DH family usually a day or two after Boxing Day, it is much calmer and the kids enjoy time with relatives much more then Christmas Day when it was so in their face.

Everyone has their way of doing things and I don't think anyone can say what's right or wrong but we do know what's right for our own immediate family and for us that's small and intimate.

Your post struck a cord with me. My husband is from a very small family. Just him, his brother (brother is married but his wife has scared of the countryside where Mil comes so never visits), his Mum and a Great Uncle. Christmases there are a quiet abs intimate affair. Coming from a big family I sometimes found the silence deafening and am so much happier there now that we have kids to liven the place up.

On the other hand, my husband feels as you describe and finds my family get togethers chaotic. He hates struggling to hold a conversation but has learned over time who to sit with (my dad, sister or bil) who also like things to be a little quieter. Though I must add we are not a big drinking family and part of the bedlam is the focus on all the kids.

So my point being I guess what makes you happy also stems from what you are used to.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Really sorry to hear about your Mum Vix but your xmas plans sound lovelybx