Who wrote the text book pregnancy guidelines.... LONG!

[Maidenet]

So far this pregnancy I have panicked about everything due to reading all the supposed "text book" symptoms, lack of, bump size etc....

But you know what! I have spent the day basically like that.

Who said what's wrong OR what's right!

So far.... 4 different kick counting start dates have been told by "professionals" to different women from England on this website alone! 24 weeks, 26 weeks, 28 weeks and 30 weeks....

BUT.... Who's wrong?

Who said by x amount of weeks your bump should be this big / small.

Who said you should have symptoms through all of first trimester?

Who said baby should kick 10 times a day? What about Anterior placenta's? What about women with nerve disorders ( Like my friend ) who has never felt any of her 3 children kick UNTIL she was near on 8 months pregnant? What about uterus position? What about the baby's position?
Should all of those women feel exactly the same? What about baby's having off days just like humans do?

10 kicks / movements first thing, then nothing all day... Is that bad? Or is baby asleep and well?

Bump's..... Im 26 weeks! And looking at other women on here im tiny... YET, there are women on here that are smaller than me at the same stage.
What about women who are skinny to begin with so there uterus is more prominent so she looks bigger? What about the larger lady who's tummy looks bigger because of the extra weight? What about Uterus position? What about where the baby is laying? What about baby's actual size ( NOT ALL BABIES ARE BORN THE SAME WEIGHT )

Seriously.... I have posted up so many posts panicking, so many women post panicking as well when there pregnancy doesn't seem to match the books pregnancy.

I had no morning sickness... Text book says all women get it. Is there something wrong? No there isn't! I had brown discharge at the beginning... A DR said I was miscarrying again.... I wasn't! It was implantation bleeding. BUT because blood is associated ( Via the Good old text books ) with miscarriage then hey! that's what it must be!

I don't have pain.... but the books say I might be having braxton hicks now... OMG WHY AREN'T I HAVING THEM!!! SOME THINGS WRONG WITH ME!!! No its not.... Most people I know didn't get them till 3rd Tri... And yet again... WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.

OMG PEOPLE ARE POSTING ABOUT THERE NIPPLES LEAKING! MINE AREN'T! SOME THINGS WRONG BECAUSE THE BOOKS SAY THEY WILL BE!!!
Nope.... Yet again.... We are all different!

This pregnancy for me has been stressful.... I have preached, I have moaned, I have written things like this knowing it makes sense... but in a few days hormones will tell me I was being deluded.

But, at this point in time... I know everything im going through is normal TO ME. I don't want to be having exactly the same pregnancy as the next lady, because to be honest.... it would freak the shit out of me!

We try so hard all of our lives to stand out, or be different and be noticed... but in pregnancy we all want to be the same as the latest pregnancy book we read.

Basically, im sick of worrying myself sick! Over NOTHING! Everything so far I have panicked over has been over nothing....

Who sets the rules on pregnancy?

..................................................



Episode over xxxx

 

[taterbean]

There are no set rules, just the things that seem to happen to a majority of women. I'm only reading one pregnancy book off and on about plus-sized pregnancies as I'm a bigger girl. You just have to take everything with a grain of salt so long as you know baby is ok (and most of the time, I'm sure she's not). I read about how I should have morning sickness or how I should be peeing less in the second trimester or how I should be feeling flutters or kicks or SOMETHING by now, but I'm just different from the "standard."

Sure, I've spent a LOT of time paranoid, but not about the nausea or lack of movement. I'm paranoid that one doctor at my practice is going to make me think something's wrong because she's notoriously bad at finding heartbeats. I'm scared that the next time I have a scan, baby won't be moving anymore. I'm scared that if I can't see her, she's just going to disappear. But I'm not scared that I only had two weeks of minor nausea or that I can't feel baby yet since I'm fluffy and a FTM.

We just have to figure out what's normal or right for us, and if anything goes completely wonky, pick up the phone and call the doctor's office.

 

[I-want-1-2]

I totally agree. I was made to feel that something may be wrong early on because I didn't feel ill (someone actually mentioned that I might be having a phantom pregnancy!! Thanks for that!!) and i had no MS. Then I felt the baby kicking too early for my 1st baby, so I was imagining it. I downloaded a book onto my kindle that said by now I should have been ill a million times, be having braxton hicks pretty soon, be peeing less (actually it's more!), have varicose veins and massive leaky boobs. Oh, and piles. Good job I didn't read the book before we got pregnant, or I wouldn't have bothered!

 

[Maidenet]

It's just so much focus is put on "normal" that it leaves us pregnant ladies going mental if what we experience doesnt fit in xx

 

[Maidenet]

I totally agree. I was made to feel that something may be wrong early on because I didn't feel ill (someone actually mentioned that I might be having a phantom pregnancy!! Thanks for that!!) and i had no MS. Then I felt the baby kicking too early for my 1st baby, so I was imagining it. I downloaded a book onto my kindle that said by now I should have been ill a million times, be having braxton hicks pretty soon, be peeing less (actually it's more!), have varicose veins and massive leaky boobs. Oh, and piles. Good job I didn't read the book before we got pregnant, or I wouldn't have bothered!

Pmsl exactly xx who said we should all get that!

We are all so different body wise normally, why would it change for pregnancy! Ouch..... that's harsh on the phantom pregnancy front. It's weird as this forum has a huge cross section of women and nearly all poles people have done indicated more people DONT have actual morning sickness than those that do.

 

[I-want-1-2]

I totally agree. I was made to feel that something may be wrong early on because I didn't feel ill (someone actually mentioned that I might be having a phantom pregnancy!! Thanks for that!!) and i had no MS. Then I felt the baby kicking too early for my 1st baby, so I was imagining it. I downloaded a book onto my kindle that said by now I should have been ill a million times, be having braxton hicks pretty soon, be peeing less (actually it's more!), have varicose veins and massive leaky boobs. Oh, and piles. Good job I didn't read the book before we got pregnant, or I wouldn't have bothered!

Pmsl exactly xx who said we should all get that!

We are all so different body wise normally, why would it change for pregnancy! Ouch..... that's harsh on the phantom pregnancy front. It's weird as this forum has a huge cross section of women and nearly all poles people have done indicated more people DONT have actual morning sickness than those that do.

I'm usually pretty outspoken, but when the phantom pregnancy was mentioned I just kinda stood there with my mouth hanging open! You're right though, loads of people don't have ms at all, but you're made to feel like it's a right of passage and you've missed something if you don't get it!

 

[Tigerlilyb]

Love this post, and this is exactly the approach I've taken to my pregnancy. Of course I worry and panic, but "everyone is different" really relaxes me.

Well said

 

[Loz0912]

Maidenet..... Love you for this lol!

I think you summarised how we are all feeling! X

 

[Maidenet]

I was on one earlier xxx lol. I feel bad for how many women get upset on this forum, myself included when they dont fit into the "normal" pregnancy kinda thing...

 

[socitycourty]

I totally agree. SO far I have not had a "normal" pregnancy in any way.
Never got sick once. Only felt nauseous once or twice and due to empty stomach.

Didn't have a "bump" at 10 weeks. LOL

Have only had a handful of different symptoms, none of them very serious or disruptive.

I have an anterior placenta, but have felt movement already.

My boobs are not leaking.

So clearly I'm different!

 

[babymama86]

This post is so REFRESHING!!!!!!
You summed up how ive been feeling the past week perfectly! I love being pregnant but have found myself just waiting to get to a certain number of weeks after a mw told me i was measuring smallish!
I am so over beeing panicked ALL the time and im a natural worrier so it doesnt help!
Thank you for posting this!

 

[socitycourty]

I am also a natural worrier and I have been in distress the whole pregnancy for one reason or another. After maybe 24-26 weeks i hope I can mellow out more

 

[CharmingBeake]

I agree with most of this. So many of the things you read make it seem as if all women and their pregnancies should follow a text book rule, even though I know that's far, far from true. A lot of the things I read panic me, especially when it comes to baby's movements, weird pains, or things like that.
HOWEVER, I feel that sometimes the books can be reassuring too. I have a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and its gotten me through a lot. I had some bleeding back at the start of the second tri, and what I read in there was actually more reassuring than scary. Backed up by what my OB said, I was able to remain calm through the situation, and everything turned out all right. What I like best about that book is that at the start of each chapter they take a moment to remind you that all pregnancies are DIFFERENT and not to worry if you aren't getting certain symptoms, or if they're appearing in completely different trimesters than they should be.
For the most part though, information can go both ways. Sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, but in the end, its all about what we take away from it.

 

[Mrsctobe]

The whole text book pregnant i doubt exisists. lol most people dont fall into the textbook pregnancy xx

 

[socitycourty]

I agree that What to Expect is a good book. I also get their weekly updates. Other than that I am trying to stay away from books & google. LOL

 

[susan36]

im on baby no4 with my 2 sons and daughter i had no sickness whatsoever this little guy has gave me a few bouts of it . according to everything bc im on baby no4 my bump should be massive but no im still tiny .all my pregnancies have been totaly diffrent .

 

[SimpleBaby]

It's a take it with a grain of salt type situation I think.
The books are based on average or a general census of the general population that's it.

Worst for me is the no MS and everything talks about if you have no MS then your chances of miscarrage are higher...

I've had to read everything and ignore anything bad lol. I figure I'll take the good and deal with the rest if it happens. No point in worrying over milk that hasn't been spilled yet. lol

 

[EmzLouise]

OMG I know exactly how this feels. I've been sick once, my boobs aren't leaking and I don't have piles. I just think some women's bodies are better at handling pregnancy than others. NOT THAT THAT'S A BAD THING. How we deal with it aswell affects it I think.

One thing that really, really bothers me is the kicks. My notes have a page that from 32 weeks, I need to do the 10 kicks thing, and write it down. UM HOW ABOUT NO? I actually hate it, it really truly bothers me, even now. My baby is quite active but is also incredibly stubborn (gets it from they're father I tellz ya!) does this mean I should be worried? baby has very, very active moments, and more subdued ones. Does that mean I need to ring the midwife every single time baby decides to just roll around and not kick me?

My mum is a tremendous help with this. She's the only one who can calm me down. I just get so angry that so many women stress out and ultimately, nothing. Why can't we just enjoy our pregnancies instead of worrying about every single thing? Grrr

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

Ugh, tell me about it!

My boobies aren't leaking! Apparently they should be.
I'm not sure my baby's hiccuping? But, he should be!
I should be gaining 1lb a week. But I'm not!
My baby should have a regular pattern by now. But he doesn't.

Also first trimester, I was sick to death of reading threads where people said 'Morning sickness is a good sign'. Well if this is true, Why on earth did I have morning sickness with my first pregnancy that I miscarried and none with this one? Everyone on the forum said symptoms fading was fine. But, put it into google and it was a sign of miscarriage if it happened before second trimester. I had no symptoms! Sore boobs from week 4-6. That was all!

As for kick counts. He kicks on a daily basis. I'm happy with that. I give up on what's normal and what isn't. Apparently, I'm just not normal.

 

[Maidenet]

Looks like considering its done on statistics.... A hell of a lot of us don't follow this average..... And this is one forum! Xxx