Why can't I enjoy this..RANT

[camishantel]

I hate this feeling like it will never be for me.. I hate feeling like a failure ... I hate the not knowing.. I hate not being able to just sit and enjoy every little twinge and pain and coming and going of symptoms.. I HATE THIS... I so much want this baby but everyday when my boobs really aren't getting sore and have no ms just nausea I feel like is it really happening or not.. and I am on progestrone so I keep thinking ok I know I am not bleeding which is a good thing but what if it is the progestrone that is keeping me from bleeding what if when I go in tuesday my numbers haven't risen even though so far they have done good(4w 31 4w1d 51 4w5d 293) just feeling lousy today and kinda want to go to the hospital just so they will check my levels and let me know everything is ok... errrrrrrrr I know I should wait it's only a few more days but then have to wait till wedensday to get results ... sorry just needed to vent today

 

[dixiegal]

hugs for the worry xx might not seem like much now but my friend who had two miscarriages before her little one said it DOES get easier as the pregnancy goes on xxx

 

[camishantel]

yeah I just want to be further does not even have to be the 12 week mark.. I think once I am able to start seeing the little one on the scan and see that yes s/he is growing properly and not only 1 d in a week period I will feel better... but right now that means 2 more weeks of really not knowing and I just want to enjoy this and get excited and be able to stay excited not get excited and have my heart broken again... I am with a new dr who I feel very comfortable with and he has me on the prgestrone and asprin and I am trying to do everything right... just sad today... guess thats hormones for you though huh

 

[SugarKisses]

 

[sparkle_1979]

ahh hun hugs. Wait and see and try and relax. I had lots of pain with my DD, some as bad a really bad period pains and its really normal hun. Also MS didnt start until about 8 or 9 weeks if I remember and MS is not for everyone Your so early for lots of symptoms.

I know how your feeling as I've been there feeling exactly the same. Your not bleeding so take comfort from that.

xxx

 

[camishantel]

I don't have bad pains... I am just saying since I have had 4 losses today I feel like ranting why can't this be a new exciting experience instead of I hope this doesn't go wrong and OMG I have to pee look at the tp ok am I bleeding... I am just mad that things like this happen to wonderful people who would be great moms and then when they get pregnant again they can't enjoy it even when things seem to be going good because of the past... as far as symptoms I know every pregnancy is different even in the same person just saying my last one my boobs were so sore so quickly that it is only another thing to make my mind wonder... I would gladly accept the worst most horrible and every symptom in the book if it would ease my mind and let me enjoy this.. I so want to...

 

[jangles]

I can sympathise as I had a mmc in March. I'm 8+1 now and with my DS I was having constant nausea, throwing up when brushing my teeth, sore boobs, constant cramps, the whole shebang and this time a bit of nausea and constant tiredness which is all I had with the mmc. I was referred for an early scan on Thursday at 7+6 and saw the hb and all I can keep thinking is that I saw the hb with the mmc as I'd gotten an early scan due to bleeding and it still went so this one could too.

If it's any consolation, I'm still on knicker watch too. No advice, but wanted to let you know I can understand how you feel but I imagine it's even worse for you.

 

[sparkle_1979]

your right hun is so unfair that this happens to good people.

 

[bernina]

Hi honey, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. But you are not alone. I'm scared to death, don't feel a darn preg symptom other than sore boobs which is prob from the progesterone. Had brown spotting today to top it off but at least a pelvic exame did confirm cervix is still closed, so got that going for me. Have convinced myself several times during this preg that all is lost and just the last few days I allowed myself to get excited, kept telling DH "love you x2" and stuff like that, and then boom this morning brown spotting. I almost laughed when I saw it, seriously that was my first reaction!! I was in such disbelief that this could really be happening a third time. I've only known I was pregnant for a week and I feel like I've experienced every emotion in the book.

Glad we have this forum to rant in, I always feel guilty raining on everyone else's parade over in the other preg forum.

Cami, I hope you start to get some good strong preg symptoms soon and that your first scan goes wonderful and that all is on track!!!!

 

[camishantel]

I think part of the bad thing today is my emotions have been kicked into high gear since last night... I want to cry for no reason or at weird commercials... we were watching the movie The Crazies last night and I cried... iT'S A HORROR FILM... good lord...

 

[babydancing]

I am so sorry you feel this way and I know how you feel Cami!
I have had 5 miscarriages...I wont let myself be happy either. It isnt fair that we feel this way, but I think it is near impossible not to. It is an emotionally and physically trying time for all women, add past losses and WOAH, just so stressful. I have been spotting for a week now and dont go in for an u/s until the 24th. I am trying to be happy and get excited, but im analyzing every SINGLE twinge, cramp, spot of brown blood, boob tenderness, pimple, sneeze, cry, laugh...I mean, its nuts lol.
Not trying to hog your board, just want to let you know that you are not alone...hang in there. The best thing we can do is just TRY our very best to relax and try to be excited!! It has to be our turn at some point...and I am hopeful that is it!!! Best of luck sweetie try to smile!!
I will be thinking healthy baby thoughts for you!

 

[camishantel]

OK so I feel a little better as I went and got another test and took it and it is way darker than my other ones.. I wish they made at home HCG test... although I would be totally crazy then

 

[camishantel]

the first pic.. the top test was the first one the second test was about 5 days later and then the next pic was todays which was 5 days from the 2nd test

 

[hb1]

It's bad enough with the fear after suffering mc previously but the hormones don't make it any easier - take care - I would get your levels checked - just so you know they are going up - the excitement will come though

hx

 

[camishantel]

I am on tuesday my doc has me getting them weekly and as you can see from my earlier post they are definitely going up..

 

[hb1]

Cool - that's fab news

hx

 

[clownfish]

I think part of the bad thing today is my emotions have been kicked into high gear since last night... I want to cry for no reason or at weird commercials... we were watching the movie The Crazies last night and I cried... iT'S A HORROR FILM... good lord...

we were watching 'Americas got talent' semi final re-runs last night and the frisby catching dog made me cry... !

Dunno if its hormones or just the stress of it all.

though, we're all trying to hang in, so lets all hang in together. xx

 

[camishantel]

woke up this morning and took a shower and had to hang my head out near the toilet as thought for sure I was going to vomit right then gagged a few times and was ok...just ready for my scan on tue and ready for my levels on wed... feel a little more hopeful today we will see how that stays with the rest of the day

 

[Anna_due Dec]

Good-luck with your pregnancy...i have to say it sound really promising You'll be a success story before you know it. My problem has not been mc's but prem babies but i too know about analysing every twinge and cramp. I'm always freaking out that the next BH could be the beginning of the end and baby isn't viable yet. Pregnancy should be something we can enjoy. You hear women say how much they loved being pregnant but i can't wait until it's over and i'm holding my healthy, living beautiful bundle of joy. It's just not so easy for some of us but i'm sure we appreciate what we have so much more when they hand us our babies (obviously we would be happy without this great insight but i'm trying to be 'glass half full')

 

[camishantel]

last night I did not sleep well as I had heartburn so bad my back chest stomach everything hurt.... finally let out some major burps and a couple of farts and was able to go to sleep... feel better this morning... I have my dr appointment tomorrow please let me see little bean....
Anna.. I too am trying to be a glass half full type of girl but honestly some days with the emotions get the best of me.... hoping you can carry full term this time babes... thanks...