As we all approach our due dates and face the exciting/scary prospect of meeting our LO's, I thought it might be nice if we shared with each other WHY we got pregnant, were there any pressing reasons why you felt the time was right TTC? Or are you blessed with a surprise baby and were happy? Or even if you werent happy at first but decided to keep your bubs. Do you remember how you were feeling when you made that momentous decision TTC/keep your baby? Or is it a complete blur now we're all so near to the end? I'll start. So we'd planned to start TTCing perhaps around our 2nd wedding anniversary in December 2010. There were a few reasons why we wanted TTC then. I was concerned about my fertility as my mother had Premature Ovarian Failure at the age of 35 and I am a carbon copy of her. I had turned 27 in June 2010 and genuinely thought due to that, my endometriosis and fibroids, I would struggle so much to conceive and wanted to give myself a chance to try for a good while before I would need to access fertility treatment or before I too have Premature Ovarian Failure. I also had mild concerns over DH's fertility. He had turned 32 in the May of 2010 and he'd had some delayed surgery to his 'gentleman's area' when he was a child that left him at high risk of infertility. I also had to think about my career. Ive been a Doctor for 4 years and Im 2/3rd of my way through my GP training. The job situation for GPs once we qualify is pretty scary (as it is for all medical and health professionals due to the smelly ConDem government and their NHS cuts) and newly qualified GPs tend to stay on temporary locum contracts for a good while before they can get even a salaried GP job. Either way, the maternity leave/benefits are AWFUL then and as I am and always will be the breadwinner of the family, I wanted to have my child when it was financially possible for me to take as much time as I could at home and still keep a roof over our heads. As an employee of the NHS, this is just about possible for us now whilst Im still training and I have saved and saved and SAVED so we hopefully wont struggle too much whilst Im on mat leave (our mortgage is obscene and I pay the majority of it as I earn twice what DH does). However, we brought our TTC plans forward a bit to August 2010. My mum was diagnosed with a recurrence of her cancer on June 17th 2010 and we had a turbulent summer. It made me realise that money, career, my constant dieting, whatever was so not important. Family was the most important thing and always would be. At the time we thought my mum would be ok. And I started a new rotation in August where a colleague of mine confided in me that she was pregnant. I made an impulse decision that day that we would TTC and, without telling anyone, went to the clinic to get my beloved Mirena out. We had 3 months of basically, fantastic sex!!!! LOL We both have never enjoyed ourselves so much. I did go a bit control freaky over it with my OPKs and temping but still managed to make it fun for both me and my DH. I got a CBFM for the 3rd cycle brand new at a bargain price of £30 (they retail at £100) and tried low dose Soy. I was convinced I was out and remember getting drunk with my DH on Baileys and crying to him that I was a 'defective woman' (yes, after just 3 months, Im a bit of a drama queen when drunk ). The morning after, I was persuaded by my buddies on here (new mummy K123 and KittyKatBabe who is 20 weeks ) to test and f*ck me it was !!!!!! Lol, you'd think I'd be estatic but I was SO freaked out! I think it was the shock compounded by working night shifts that weekend. So my pregnancy has been completely not what I expected. Its been a true struggle, pneumonia, UTIs, anaemia, severe SPD and probably a dose of antenatal depression resulting in my finishing work 3 weeks earlier than I'd hoped. Also, as you probably all know as Ive mentioned it a lot on here, my mum's cancer returned again and we found out on 14th feb (day before my 20 week scan) it is inoperable. Ive had a lot of conflicting feelings about being pregnant now I have a terminally ill mother. I feel guilty, that I should have waited and spent the time looking after my mum. Im scared, because I will be bringing up my daughter without my mum by my side. Im happy, because it gives my mum something to focus on. We were convinced she would not make it to see Alice being born and God Willing....she's doing fairly well and hopefully will do. I will never forget seeing those lines on that test and sobbing down the phone to DH. I'll never forget at 6 weeks seeing blood, going to EPU and crying to the lovely MW when I had to tell her why I was attending (in front of the entire waiting room, it was awful). I remember the week between my early scans (as they only saw a gestational sac at the first one) and the fear I'd lost my baby. I remember crying at the second scan when they saw the baby and it looked like a prawn. I remember my 12 week scan and laughing at how darn ACTIVE that little baby was, she looked like she was body popping. I remember my first 20 week scan crying my eyes out because the Sonographer refused to allow my mum in with me to the scan (the day after we'd found out she was terminal) and accusing me of lying about my mum's illness to get her into the scan - I complained about her, dont worry. I remember my second 20 week scan (attended by both my mum and DH after my awesome complaint letter) and the only image I can remember in my mind is the potty shot and seeing her little hamburger I remember feeling her kick for the first time when we were going to a hospital appointment with my mum and it felt like she was kicking me, telling me it would be ok, we would get through this. I remember just last week, seeing her entire tushy poking out of my bump!!!! I looked like I had a hernia. So this pregnancy has been so hard in so many ways, not just because of the physical pain. But I have a lot of memories from TTCing, getting that BFP and my journey through 1st and 2nd trimester that keep me going. Im terrified about screwing this up and being a terrible mum and not being ready for it... But the clearest memory is seeing those lines on that FRER on October 28th 2010 and knowing that ready or not, I was going to be a mum.