Why do I think bad thoughts?

[Molae06]

This is probably going to make a lot of people think meanly of me etc, but I just have to put it out there, I've been thinking it all day.

So one of my employees received a phone call today and had to head home, as it turns out his wife had found out she had a miscarriage/chemical pregnancy. He was obviously heartbroken, and all of my other employees were talking about how sad it is for them. Then he comes back to work and is talking to them all, saying how him and his wife are so heart broken, "especially because they have had NO trouble whatsoever in the past."

And I am sitting in my office listening to this thinking boo-freakin-hoo. Terrible right? What's wrong with me, I know I would personally be devasted if it were me, but why do I have no sympathy for anyone anymore. I know it's largely the fact that this guy and his wife have 5 kids already, this one was to be their sixth, and like he said, NO problems whatsoever before this. But still, it's not my right to judge who can be heartbroken and for what reason, but I do.

Is anyone else just overly insensitive like this? I know I used to not be like this, the things infertility does to people, sometimes it amazes me.

 

[Jessie21]

I use to get that way. I think its part jealousy in weird way. But deep down i always feel bad for them because i imagine its an awful thing to go through. I think its normal to have mean thoughts while dealing with infertility..

 

[CaliDreaming]

Don't beat yourself up. It's totally natural to think mean thoughts when you're having trouble TTC. I don't think it's so much that you don't sympathize with your coworker, but you just feel bad for yourself. Most people take for granted that they can go off and have the family that they want, and the rest of us just have to suffer in silence. It's always amazing to me that so many people can feel confident in announcing their pregnancy so soon after finding out. I always envy people who have never had to experience loss or difficulty conceiving.

Also, and I'll be a mean girl with you, but I can see how it's hard for you to sympathize with this couple because while it is definitely traumatic to have to experience a miscarriage, in all likelihood this couple will conceive again within a short period of time. With their track record, they probably won't have to experience the pain of loss or a BFN over and over and over again each month with no guarantee of success.

On the flip side of the coin, while infertility has made me a little colder and harder, at the same time, I also feel a little more sensitive. I find myself able to really sympathize not just with people who are infertile, but with anyone who has had loss and disappointment but has had to suffer in silence in the shadows. I thought of myself as a sympathetic person before, but now I feel I understand others' pain in a way I didn't before.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

I've had similar thoughts. I think many of us would be lying if we said we couldn't relate to how you're feeling or that we're unable to understand where you're coming from. It's hard to see someone get everything you want so badly (his five kids) and then get treated with great compassion with one thing doesn't go their way or something devastating happens to them (the miscarriage). Especially with month after month, it's devastating to you (or maybe I'm just talking about me? lol) to see nothing but negative tests and deal with the stress of infertility. I'd say you are totally normal. The fact that you admit feeling bad after thinking those things (or at least bad enough to ask us), I wouldn't get too down on yourself over it.

 

[MorganEvans]

Could be stress and jealousy in your own life which is affecting your thinking. Usually its light and passes fast, because as you can see, you came here to ask what's up with that kind of thinking. You're a good person and smart as well, for not showing out how you really felt on that moment.