Why do people feel the need to tell pregnant ladies how awful labour is?!?

[RKW]

Hi ladies,

I'm 12 weeks gone with my first and have been telling people. All I seem to get in return is how horrendous it is giving birth and horror stories of ripped anus's and rivers of blood.
I'm sure it will be the hardest day of my life, so dot get me wrong I don't expect it to be easy but I don't understand people's fascination of telling people how bad labour can be.
If you knew someone was going in or a routine operation, you wouldn't say 'my friend had that and it was AWFUL and they never recovered'. You would wish them luck...
Sorry for the rant, just had a long day hearing about how I will never poo again!!!

 

[xcharx]

Everybody has a different labour experience, my friend told me all about her bad labour and it really never put me off!! I think some people say it more for attention more than anything

Cx

 

[TatorMom]

I experienced the same thing with my first and could never understand it. My labor with DS2 was awesome though! I had a full lunch when I first started to have mild real contractions, and then had a full dinner at 530 when they started to get stronger and closer together every 6min. We got to the hospital at 630pm and he was born at 915pm. It was easy breezy and he latched on as soon as he popped out. My OB actually had my husband deliver him too, which DH said was the most incredible experience of his life. I promise it's not all bad! I got to the point of asking people to keep their horror stories to themselves. I find it to be rude and inappropriate. My mom told my aunt to "shut the Hell up" at a family function when she started doing that.

 

[lizardbreath]

For me pregnancy was 100x worst then labour. I had fairly straightforward labours with some hiccups for my second but I know what you are saying I had my first at 19 and the stories people tell me made me cringe but none of what people told me ever happened to me.

 

[RKW]

Thanks ladies, maybe I just need to ask people to keep their stories to themselves. I'm totally realistic about it, know its gonna hurt, a lot, but it's so horrible hearing awful stories.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I really hate this too! I have a friend who is petrified of giving birth, so much so that she's considering not having children. Her best friend had a little boy a few weeks before I had DS and told her how awful it was, how she was begging to die, how she had a "severe" tear, the worst you can get (she had a 2nd degree and needed 4 stitches ), etc etc. My friend was terrified! Its ridiculous but some people see it as like a badge of honour to have an awful labour .

 

[emergRN]

I wish people focused on the positive instead of the negative all the time!!

 

[Hellylou]

It always amazes me that people tell birth horror stories to pregnant women, particularly first time mums. I wonder if it's just the subject of pregnancy itself that inevitably leads to memories of labour and they tell the story, without actually thinking it through first?

I have long since learned to keep birth talk positive around pregnant women because I know how nerve wracking it is being pregnant and apprehensive, and even after having done it twice already I was pretty nervous this time around. Unfortunately I still had to listen to horror stories. I just tuned it out. Every labour is different and there is plenty you can do to prepare your body the best you can. I found pregnancy yoga (from 15 weeks onwards) really helpful and it made my labour very manageable and actually pleasant!

 

[Odd Socks]

ah, but it doesn't have to be terrible at all!
my first was ok, nothing awful, but not great either.
second labour, i would do it again in a heartbeat!
xx

 

[Eleanor ace]

I can't wait to give birth again . Of course its painful (for lots of omen, not all) but that doesn't mean it can't be a wonderful, enjoyable experience!

 

[Lulu1982]

Ignore! Some people so unfortunately have bad experiences but not all. I was induced and had a wonderful birthing experience with no meds and a big healthy baby. I can't wait to do it again! Fingers crossed all goes as smoothly with this one!x

 

[rooster100]

I have heard lots of lovely labour stories.
I'm terrified of flying and well I tell people they ALWAYS tell me about the worst flight they have ever been on......thanks now I feel loads more confident about doing it!
Think it's the same with labour! Why do people do that?

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

I think people like to voice how tough their labour was etc, but i agree it doesnt help. Ive been quite honest with people who ask about mine, i had two straightforward labours, i say its like nothing thrgve ever experienced and extremely intense, and leave it at that. Even though ive had lovely labours!!

 

[Shadowy Lady]

People just like drama I guess that's why. I always interrupted ppl when then told me their terrible labour stories and told them I only needed to hear the positives.

I had an amazing labour/birth. It was painful yes, but nothing that I could not handle. I was in labour for about 5 hours, used no pain relief and gave birth to a beautiful 8 lb baby girl. I tell all my pregnant friends my positive labour story

 

[AllyTiel]

I heard all the horror stories but I wasnt very scared going into it myself because your labor is your own, not one of the stories you heard. I am the biggest wimp ever (I was still crying over needles as of less than a year ago) and labor and birth was not bad at all. I just took it one step at a time. Never looking too far ahead, just to each next little goal, like one more cm of dilation. It was a good experience for me.
Yeah I had a 4th degree tear, but I didn't feel it because I got the epidural.
Now after we got home, then it got harder. I got several fevers and infections. Its different for everyone! Don't worry about it

 

[Misscalais]

When people asked me I told them the truth, it bloody hurt lol I had a pretty traumatic 1st birth so that was all I could tell them it was horrible. My 2nd however was so much better and not so bad at all they were both natural, drug free. One was 8lb 4oz and the other was 9lb.

 

[EmmaRea]

At dinner last night, the waiter asked if I was pregnant. After confirming, he looked at my husband and told him he didn't know what he'd gotten himself into...

While I don't listen as well when people tell me horror stories, they've been getting to my husband. I think he's more terrified of birth than I am. The poor dear. I really wish people would stop trying to freak him out. They really aren't helping matters...

 

[chuck]

Because for every person that shares their ripped anus and river of blood story there thousands of women who don't share because they don't need to get it out because it was fine or even wonderful.

You will have heard or read plenty of good birth stories even thrilling exciting beautiful ones they just don't stick in your mind.

 

[Larkspur]

Yep, people love a horror story.

A couple of times towards the end of my pregnancy when I was getting scratchy about horror stories, and people would say stupid things like "My sister just had a 48-hour labour with an epidural that didn't work, hope that doesn't happen to you," I would say, "WOW, that is pretty bad! One of the worst stories I've heard! I don't suppose you know anyone who died, do you? Nobody's told me a story like that yet and I would just LOVE to hear one." They were usually suitably embarrassed afterwards.

I loved it when people told me positive stories. One friend said, "I loved giving birth! I would give birth again over being pregnant ANY DAY OF THE WEEK." And that was really good for me to remember going in.

So, here's my positive story... My 8-pound boy arrived on his due date, following a 12-hour labour in which I only used gas and air. I did not feel like I needed an epidural at any point, and although there were some tough parts, the pain was manageable. I did get a third-degree tear, but it was fine! I actually didn't even feel it happen, and it has healed up perfectly four weeks later (to be honest, it's been totally fine since about a week out).

 

[MegnJoe]

I contracted to 5 without pain, maybe a dull period like pain, then was suggested by my doctor to get the epidural even tho I felt fine I can't wait to try again and be in more control. Don't let it scare you. Whatever happens all goes away when that baby is laid on ur chest, or u first set ur sights on your lo. I had an episiotomy, and it was at best, uncomfortable until it healed. Ya for a day or two u r tired and ur hormones r nuts, but it adds to the whole process. Don't let their story scare you, it is their story. Not yours. Best of luck! Enjoy the ride