Why do people with kids...

[deafgal]

On the other hand, I have met cpeoplewho loves to believe having a kids should not stop you from doing the things you used to do before having kids. They tend to think you can just drop your child off somewhere anytime and you can continue to "party" as usual. They were determined they will not let their kids change them. they are immature anyhow, but I can see other moms telling them" just wait and see and you will be in a big surprise"

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

Definitely...I'm expecting the first few months to be rough, though I'm sure I don't realise how rough they will be!

I slept in this morning until 9am, the first time in goodness knows how long. I'm usually up at 5.30 or 6 for work and am conditioned to wake at that time at weekends too, plus our cat never normally lets us sleep later than that. However, the cat is seriously ill and doesn't have his usual appetite, so he didn't wake us. I actually feel really grotty for having had a lie-in, and wish I'd got up earlier.

At the moment our schedules revolve around the cat, and for a long time we've been used to having to be home by a certain time to feed him and give him his medication, and we haven't had a problem not being able to go away or stay out late. It has given us the tiniest taste of what having a child will be like (and in some ways having a child will be easier, as we will be able to take LO with us when we go on holiday, whereas now we don't go on holiday because we can't bear to use a cattery and have him think we've abandoned him).

And as for going out, we have friends round once a week for a quiz or film night, and we have the occasional evening out (usually work dos) or trip to the pictures (we've been maybe twice in the last year) but that's it really - both of us grew out of going out drinking and partying right around the time we were legally old enough to do it I'm not anticipating that our social life will change all that much once we have a LO, except for hopefully we'll make some parent friends too

We are hoping to start TTC at the end of this year, doctor's permission allowing. If we'd been able to TTC when we wanted to (and had conceived, of course), we'd be parents now. It's hard not to get impatient, but we are definitely making the most of our last few months of 'just us', and I don't think I'm wishing the time away too badly yet - we have good reasons for waiting until the end of the year and we're both happy to stick with that.

One thing I am impatient for though is my obstetrician appointment. I've been on prenatals for over 2 years, but if there's anything else I need to be doing, related to my medical situation, I want to know about it now! I haven't even had my appointment through yet, though, and I don't know how long a wait it's going to be. Hopefully he will give us the go-ahead straight away though, because I think most of my extra antenatal care is going to be additional heart scans for the baby. I don't think I need to worry about being on clexane or anything, which is a relief.

Most of the people telling me 'just you wait...' have no idea about my health condition, and that we've had to delay TTC by a substantial length of time, so I suppose they don't realise how much of a kick in the teeth it is for them to be so negative about something they already have and I've had to wait so long for.

 

[wombat1]

On the other hand, I have met cpeoplewho loves to believe having a kids should not stop you from doing the things you used to do before having kids. They tend to think you can just drop your child off somewhere anytime and you can continue to "party" as usual. They were determined they will not let their kids change them. they are immature anyhow, but I can see other moms telling them" just wait and see and you will be in a big surprise"

I sort of agree but when I lived in Edinburgh I knew some people with kids who still liked to party. One was a young single mum who would still come to flat parties (not all the time but not never either), she usually brought her daughter with her who would eventually go to sleep in the other room, the daughter knew most of the people at the parties and seemed to like running around saying hi to everyone. They weren't loud crazy parties, just some music and people drinking.

Another was a married couple who would take turns going out clubbing and having a wild time so the other could watch their daughter.

The third was a guy who had broken up with the kids mum (who had a new partner) so he didn't live with his daughter all the time but I think he had her half the week or something, and so she'd also come to flat parties sometimes and hang out with the other kid I mentioned before.

All of the people above made sacrifices for their kids and they weren't as free as they were before kids but they all still managed to have a pretty active social life and the kids didn't seem to suffer at all.

When I was a kid my parents combined my 2nd birthday party with a house warming party and all their friends showed up and got trashed! I had a great time running around talking to everyone apparently. At my primary school leaving party my mum invited all my friends round and their parents so while us kids were playing in the garden, the parents were drinking wine and also having a great time. There are ways to have both kids and parties that don't involve pass the parcel (pass the wine bottle?).

 

[Pearls18]

Having children doesnt mean you lose your right to adult time, yes of course in the beginning when feeding etc baby is chained to you, but I would say after a year DH and I managed to get a social life together again. We go out at least once a month together, it's important to spend time as a couple as it is a family, it does the whole family good I love my husband and my marriage is important to me, I don't see why being parents means we should lose our right to "us time". I would be a miserable parent if I felt I couldn't go out and do my own thing, solo as well. You don't get a medal for being the most sacrificing parent in the world, it is about a balance, children should become part of your lives not be the only important thing in it, IMO. Sorry off on a tangent there but I don't think it's realistic to under or over estimate it, as has been said- having kids is what you make of it, some people don't want to go out, fine, some do and it is possible to do without compromising the child's happiness.

 

[lozzy21]

Not the best wording but to an extent it is true. Your needs, wants and wishes get shoved to the bottom of the pile.

 

[Pearls18]

Not the best wording but to an extent it is true. Your needs, wants and wishes get shoved to the bottom of the pile.

If you let it, of course I have different priorities now but I wouldn't say my needs, wants and wishes are shoved to the bottom of the pile, ok if you're skint and have no food you give your last crumb to the child, but how many of us are in that situation? I still have a lovely life where I make time for myself, in return I'm a happy and I think good mum. As I say there's a balance, negativity like in that statement is what gives people either the wrong impression of parenthood or perhaps makes them think they need to behave in a way they don't need to. Having a child does not need to be a prison sentence but some people seem to make it that way for themselves.

 

[deafgal]

I am not saying parents can not have fun. I am saying their life will not be the same as it was when they were childless. Or Like my sister (childless by choice) who thinks I can shop for myself anytime and any amount of money. All I have to do is leave my kid to anyone. It is not that simple especially when I have health bills because of kids. I don't have that convenience any more. I have to plan ahead and have to accept that I can't always do it.
Plus, I have taken my kids to parties and I spent more time entertaining them (keep them out of trouble) than socializing.

 

[lozzy21]

They do get shoved to the bottom of the pile though because no matter what your plans are your kids come first. I still go out, I still socialise but say if DD got sick I would drop my plans and stay in and look after her. I desperately need a new pair of jeans but every time I go to get some I see something for Niamh so end up getting that instead and it's not till I get home I think, crap dident get any jeans.

It's not in a bad way, your not oppressed like if you were in a controlling relationship, I don't mind being at the bottom of the list. Iv turned down seeing my friends because I'd much rather take her swimming or to the park. Yes I have a great time with my friends but there's something magical about spending quality time with your children, especially as they get older. When those little arms wrap around your neck and your child tells you they love you, you would walk naked down the high street on market day if that's what your child needed.