Why don't they warn you?

[Schmelly]

Why don't the docs prepare you for the horrors of miscarrying naturally at home? They say cramps, bleeding, blah, blah, blah. But they don't tell you really how awful it can be.

I had braced myself for the worst (having had mc last year - at an earlier stage of pregnancy) , but I had no idea what was to come. And I'm sure my experience was nothing compared to what some of you poor ladies have been through. I wish I had known what was going to happen so that I only had to deal with the physical, and not the shock as well.

No question to you really. Just needed to get this off my chest.

to you all.

 

[MissingBubs]

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetheart.
I agree that us women and our partners do not recieve enough support or information.
I personally was not told anything, other than that I had miscarried, and that was over the phone.
Some of the ladies on here have said to me that the health workers have seen this so many times that they get dispondant. I think it is easier for them to brush us under the carpet than deal with the misery and pain that we will face.
The ladies on here will offer you the best support you could wish for.

 

[Rumpskin]

Hello sweety

I totally agree. Apart from my own research, I was not told a dicky bird.

With my first at 9 weeks, I could just about handle the pain. With my 2nd at 12 weeks (LO died 4 weeks before), I stayed at home thinking I wont need the op but which I acted sooner. The pain was nothing I had ever experienced and I could bearly stand up. I called an ambulance in the end as OH was at work and was taken to the hospital. I had gas and air and morphine.

 

[lou1979]

When i was diagnosed with my Ep In january, i was the same, having had to previous normal pregnancies i was NOT expecting an EP!!

When i had my surgery no-one told me what to expect and how id feel after..

the whole place was a joke!! it was a terrifying and horrific experience, 5 weeks on and at 10dpo i just found out im expecting again (i also had right tube removed) so for me this is a little blessing from god, altho im scared shitless! and every pain and niggle im histerical about..

 

[Shazzy]

So sorry for your loss, I completely agree that they do not inform us of what is to be expected. My last mc (12 weeks) i was not prepared for, and did not think i would bleed and have such horrible pain as i did, and then go for a d&c to top it off ! I was told to expect bad period cramps??? My first mc (6 weeks) was not as bad, that was like a bad period!

Thanks to the wonderful ladies here i was more prepared!

 

[jen1604]

I agree.I think they should warn you more.With my first miscarriage,I was 16 and because I was told 'just cramps and bleeding' I was at home on my own for the entire time.If I'd known how bad it would be,no way would I have chosen to do that on my own!
I definitely think we should be given more support and information. xx

 

[BlackBerry25]

I AGREE!
It is a horrible experience, and my doctor told me nothing.

 

[Laurenj22]

I completely agree with you all, I had a terrible time as I woke in the early hours of the morning not knowing what was going on then after assuming it was all over I went to work only to start passing the sac.

If I had known what was going to happen I wouldn't have dreamt of getting up and going into work. I flew home in a sheer panic with nothing else to consult other than a leaflet handed to me when I left the sonographer's room. (I wasn't sent to the assessment unit as I was told they were too busy)


Sorry for your losses I'm glad we're all here for each other as the last two weeks have been the longest ever (I was sent away to give it the benefit of the doubt). I haven't actually spoke to anyone since my scan so have lots of questions to ask them tomorrow.

 

[buffycat]

so true....guess they just try and gloss over it all though....

my first was at 11weeks...that was rough....i remember being in the bathroom, or in bed......crying, bent over in agony....i even took the strongest painkillers in the house (and believe me, they were strong) - didn't touch it at all.....after c.8 hours, i was beyond exhausted. I guess your body tries to fight the pain/contractions.....which makes it worse as you get tired from it all....the only thing that helped was a hot water bottle..........that soounds so insignificant....

my second happened when i was off work for a week (for chrimbo shopping) - i was 8 weeks.......by then i had read up a lot more on it all.....understood more about what was happening too......as wierd as it sounds, i understood that i had to 'use' the contractions......it did help lessen the pain.....

in comparison, that was only 4 hours....but then, the next day i went through it all again.....i'd been pregnant with twins......

sending a big cyber hug to you.....

 

[Schmelly]

Thanks for all your replies, girls. Although I am deeply saddened that you have all experienced these horrible, traumatic, painful things, I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

Today has been, quite possibly, one of the worst days of my life. But at least now I can begin to heal. I hope you all have the support you need to deal with your losses, and thanks again for replying.

 

[toby2]

for everyone
I was really bloody angry about this when i had my first m/c at 12wks-I was so pissed off that no-one had told me i would have contractions or given any info about the blood i would lose-i went into hospital as i couldnt cope with the pain and i think the physical part hurt and shocked me as much as the emotional bit, it was horrific.
When i found out i was m/c 2nd i made it quite clear i wouldnt be doing it at home on my own, had to wait wk/end before i could have my scan to confirm so i took the ward phone number with me so i could come in if i needed and had a d/c straight after my scan
Personally i think it is totally unacceptable on every level that we are left at home with no pain relief, no information and no clue as to when we need to call for help and dont even get me started on the 'ending up down the toilet part'
I know that often medical intervention isnt technically 'needed' but to me that doesnt mean we dont need suppport-would never advise anyone to go through it alone
looking at that rant guess i am STILL pretty angry....

 

[Schmelly]

I'm sorry hun. 12 weeks must have been worse. I was 10+3 but bby died at around 9 wks.

I don't know what to do though. Baby came out this afternoon and I just couldn't flush. He's wrapped up at the moment, in the other room. Don't know what to do about that. Have I completey lost the plot?

 

[Las78]

Hugs to you hun and so sorry about your loss.

I too was never prepared for any of it, I was 17w+5 and had contractions for a week, I was told they may be because I was threatening miscarriage - end of!!!

Thankfully when it did happen (I never believed it would come to that) I had amazing ambulance staff and the A&E and ward nurses were very supportive. I couldn't have asked for better once it had happened but it would have been good to know what might happen so I'd have been better prepared when it all started as I was totally traumatised by it all.

 

[Schmelly]

That's dreadful, Las78. But I'm glad the ambulance and a&e staff were supportive.

 

[toby2]

you havnt lost the plot at all and there is a link on another thread that you can keep bean in a plastic containor and take to hospital so it can be creamated properly, will try and find it for you- i totally understand why you have done that and i think any woman who has had a m/c would as well
will try and find link
xx

 

[toby2]

https://www.calgaryhealthregion.ca/programs/miscarriage/remains.htm
this is it, I know it isnt in this country but i have a feeling they do similar at the hospital as i remeber reading about the services they held at mine-could you get someone to ring and ask for you?

 

[LeaArr]

I'm sorry hun. 12 weeks must have been worse. I was 10+3 but bby died at around 9 wks.

I don't know what to do though. Baby came out this afternoon and I just couldn't flush. He's wrapped up at the moment, in the other room. Don't know what to do about that. Have I completey lost the plot?

Goodness no. The worst part for me was dealing with the physical. I am still traumatized about how I felt I had to deal with it.

 

[rachjim98]

OMG Ladies I am so sorry they let you all go through this @ home. I just wanted to say HUGS TO YOU ALL!!

 

[Schmelly]

Thank girls.

Thanks for the link, toby2. I feel really weird about finding out about that. Don't get me wrong, I would actually like to do something like that. But I'm so convinced that people will just laugh at me and think I'm being over-dramatic, causing a fuss. He's so tiny.........

He's still there. I need to do something soon.

 

[LeaArr]