Why is it so hard to have a friendly debate?

[Rhi_Rhi1]

Because of keyboard WARRIORS !!!!!!!!! >.< lol

 

[redpoppy]

I'm sure this may have been posted before but I just wanted to add this.
https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VcrNn8AiWMc/Tq2CavD4Y1I/AAAAAAAABCs/iv07lVmamsE/s1600/Someone+is+wrong+on+internet.png

 

[Eve]

^^ So true and

 

[Laura2919]

I'm sure this may have been posted before but I just wanted to add this.
https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VcrNn8AiWMc/Tq2CavD4Y1I/AAAAAAAABCs/iv07lVmamsE/s1600/Someone+is+wrong+on+internet.png

 

[patch2006uk]

I think some of the problem with forums is the potential to cross post with someone. In an actual debate club style debate, you each get the floor, then you get to respond again after the other side has spoken. Online, it all becomes a bit of a muddle and things get picked up on that weren't actually all that relevant. And if you try and post a sensible response to every post that disagreed with your opinion, you'd end up posting about 100 different replies!

I also think that parenting is a more emotive subject than many, and no-one wants to be told, or feel they've been told, that they're doing the "wrong" thing for their baby.

It's hard though, because I personally believe that knowledge is a good thing, and if no-one ever corrected anything, nothing would ever improve. You have to question your decisions and re-asses your stances and opinions on subjects, otherwise you've just stagnated, haven't you?

And also at the xkcd strip

 

[Lina]

I do think there is a difference between men and women and how they can handle online debating, so its not just the particular issues of debating online, but the gender issues too. I am on another forum that is 90% male and there are frequent, pretty heated debates, but nobody gets upset or offended (except for one person, but he's a special case...).

However, debating parenting choices is so much more personal I think than debating other things, even lifestyle choices, because we can feel so insecure sometimes in our own parenting choices so if someone criticises them it can really hit home.

Edit: there was a loooong debate about circumcision though on that other forum and despite huge differences in opinions (and I guess its very personal as they're all male ) there was still no hurt feelings.

I want to be on that male forum!! Majority of women are nutcases.

 

[Natsku]

I do think there is a difference between men and women and how they can handle online debating, so its not just the particular issues of debating online, but the gender issues too. I am on another forum that is 90% male and there are frequent, pretty heated debates, but nobody gets upset or offended (except for one person, but he's a special case...).

However, debating parenting choices is so much more personal I think than debating other things, even lifestyle choices, because we can feel so insecure sometimes in our own parenting choices so if someone criticises them it can really hit home.

Edit: there was a loooong debate about circumcision though on that other forum and despite huge differences in opinions (and I guess its very personal as they're all male ) there was still no hurt feelings.

I want to be on that male forum!! Majority of women are nutcases.

Can't argue with that

 

[Gen79]

There are some really good points being made. First, parenting topics are definitely more emotive for parents than lots of other topics can be. This is true. However, though I may get really annoyed about someone being "wrong" about something that I really believe in, I never actually dislike the other person or think they're bad people.

Also, what I'm most confounded about is when people say that they want to leave because seeing these disagreements is just too stressful. If you're being ganged up on I understand, but some people just seem to want total accord wherever they look. How boring is that?

 

[Palestrina]

There are some really good points being made. First, parenting topics are definitely more emotive for parents than lots of other topics can be. This is true. However, though I may get really annoyed about someone being "wrong" about something that I really believe in, I never actually dislike the other person or think they're bad people.

Also, what I'm most confounded about is when people say that they want to leave because seeing these disagreements is just too stressful. If you're being ganged up on I understand, but some people just seem to want total accord wherever they look. How boring is that?

There are times that I have wanted to leave. I remember once participating in a thread with a sensitive topic and was ganged up on. I did not think I was being hostile or obtuse, but someone started looking up past posts of mine and trying to piece them together to paint a horrible picture of me. When people take the time to do that it gives you a really creepy feeling and I wanted nothing more than to leave. I did leave for a while. Being ganged up on just for having a different opinion feels very very personal and I gotta be honest - the moderators around here pick sides and completely ignored me when I asked for moderation. I even reported one of the moderators and nothing happened so I've learned to just be careful and keep my opinions on the mild side of my convictions because debating around here can get ugly if your opinion is different from the general conscensus.

 

[smelly07]

agree ^^^^^

i think if there is a gang of people who tend to always gang up together...........should they not have accounts deactivated or be warned or whatever?????

what happened with you palestine isnt fair.........ok i dont know the whole story but tbh due to a recent issue i had i totally believe it happens.

this is where i think forums go wrong.

freindly debate or even a not so friendly debate fair enough.............but some of the stuff i have seen on here is just plain nasty and bullying really.

 

[Andypanda6570]

There are some really good points being made. First, parenting topics are definitely more emotive for parents than lots of other topics can be. This is true. However, though I may get really annoyed about someone being "wrong" about something that I really believe in, I never actually dislike the other person or think they're bad people.

Also, what I'm most confounded about is when people say that they want to leave because seeing these disagreements is just too stressful. If you're being ganged up on I understand, but some people just seem to want total accord wherever they look. How boring is that?

There are times that I have wanted to leave. I remember once participating in a thread with a sensitive topic and was ganged up on. I did not think I was being hostile or obtuse, but someone started looking up past posts of mine and trying to piece them together to paint a horrible picture of me. When people take the time to do that it gives you a really creepy feeling and I wanted nothing more than to leave. I did leave for a while. Being ganged up on just for having a different opinion feels very very personal and I gotta be honest - the moderators around here pick sides and completely ignored me when I asked for moderation. I even reported one of the moderators and nothing happened so I've learned to just be careful and keep my opinions on the mild side of my convictions because debating around here can get ugly if your opinion is different from the general conscensus.

That is not fair what that person did to you and it isn't right. You are entitled to your opinion and that is it.. Don't let anyone tell you different. That is ridiculous that someone would do that. How dare someone tell anyone what they should have an opinion about. I don't agree with a lot of people maybe, I may even try to explain my point a couple of times, but to embarrass and harass someone is disgusting. i am sorry that happened to you

 

[Gen79]

There are some really good points being made. First, parenting topics are definitely more emotive for parents than lots of other topics can be. This is true. However, though I may get really annoyed about someone being "wrong" about something that I really believe in, I never actually dislike the other person or think they're bad people.

Also, what I'm most confounded about is when people say that they want to leave because seeing these disagreements is just too stressful. If you're being ganged up on I understand, but some people just seem to want total accord wherever they look. How boring is that?

There are times that I have wanted to leave. I remember once participating in a thread with a sensitive topic and was ganged up on. I did not think I was being hostile or obtuse, but someone started looking up past posts of mine and trying to piece them together to paint a horrible picture of me. When people take the time to do that it gives you a really creepy feeling and I wanted nothing more than to leave. I did leave for a while. Being ganged up on just for having a different opinion feels very very personal and I gotta be honest - the moderators around here pick sides and completely ignored me when I asked for moderation. I even reported one of the moderators and nothing happened so I've learned to just be careful and keep my opinions on the mild side of my convictions because debating around here can get ugly if your opinion is different from the general conscensus.

Yeah that is disgusting and I'm sorry that happened to you. Totally uncalled for and I wouldn't blame anyone for leaving in that instance at all.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I also think the main issue is misinterpretation. The amount of times ive posted and someone has completely taken it the wrong way is crazy!! Or maybe i just dont explain myself well?

Hmm i hope nobody takes this post the wrong way

 

[smelly07]

I also think the main issue is misinterpretation. The amount of times ive posted and someone has completely taken it the wrong way is crazy!! Or maybe i just dont explain myself well?

Hmm i hope nobody takes this post the wrong way

oh god, thats happened to me or people take things to literally or assume something is meant a way and its not.......... i think people should pm to get facts straight before diving straight in with a nasty comment .........it also very annoying when someone will reply a uncalled for post and then it gets locked before you can have your say..... drives me mad

 

[DanielleM]

I think the main reason on BnB why debates usually turn into an argument and insult get thrown about is the fact that most of the things we are debating about are parent related and we all think that we are doing the right thing as at the end of the day we all want the best for our children, so people that have an opinion on what you are doing as a parent can make people get on the defensive! There is not a handbook of rules that tells you the dos and don't of being a parent, it is all trial and error!!

Also smelly I am also an overuser of the exclamation mark, I just love it!!!!!!

 

[Eternal]

the reason most things get hostile is people feel defensive and judged by others over parenting choices.

There are def some people who just like to play devils advocate though or just put others down, but for the most part i guess people just want others to understand their choices and be told its ok to do what they are doing, even if its not ok.

Like smoking in pregnancy threads, sometimes you get a smoker trying to justify why they do it and want people to say, its ok, which in the majority of cases isnt going to happen. we know its not best.

the bf vs ff comes up all the time, ff always feel defensive and some bf feel superior. I know i always feel like i have to justify why i ff or combi feed, even though one i know its no one elses business and two i know its right for me and my family. So i can understand why certain things get defensive although i cant quite understand how some can get so nasty. I mean just accept that we are ALL different. If someone chooses to breastfeed then great, we all accept that its best, but for whatever reason someone cant or doesn't then fine too.

Circumcision comes up all the time, i personally dont agree but i can understand how people can feel judged and upset by people like myself not agree with their decision.

I get really sacred in debates, i dont like people not agreeing with me ... lol ... but ive actually learnt loads and had my opinions swayed and changed by debates.

i try to word things so people dont get offended by what i say, but i do tend to say what i think is right too, thats the point of forums. although debates which are intended as debates seem to run smoother (bar the ff vs bf etc ones) than threads that turn to debates. those seem to get much more hostile from what ive seen.