Will he ever sttn if i dont do any sleep training that involves crying??!! :(

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by Beccaboop, Oct 11, 2013.

  1. Beccaboop

    Beccaboop Mummy to Jacob

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    So lo is 9 months today and still doesnt sleep well. I think he can self settle cos often (not all the time) when i put him to bed all i do is sit by the cot not touching him or doing anything and he will just go to sleep and sometimes in the night he will whine a bit then change position and go back to sleep so he can get himself off to sleep but most nights hes still waking up about 4/5 times a night for no reason i mostly just go in a put his dummy back in or just put my hand on him and shh him and then he'll go back to sleep so why is he waking up?

    Also sometimes he wont go back to sleep he will just stay awake for up to 2 hours just whining, chatty, playing with the cot rails/cot bumper or rolling around the cot and nothing we do will send him off to sleep not feeding him, shhing, rocking, giving the dummy, leaving him to get himself to sleep putting on the projector thing that puts lights on the ceiling and plays music (i think this actually keeps him awake not sends him off!) Nothing!

    Sometimes i get so frustrated that i just leave him to cry but i cant do it more than 5/10 mins cos i just feel so mean! I dont want to do any sleep training that means i leave him to cry so please dont try and convince me to do this!!

    I think he is trying to go from 3 naps to 2 cos he fights his naps and will sometimes only nap for 15 mins but if he only has 2 naps then hes tired and grumpy but will go off to sleep easier and sleep longer so i have a big fight and 30/45 mins to get him to sleep or i have a grumpy and tired boy!

    He goes to bed at 7/7.30 every night after the same routine that hes had since he was tiny and normally goes off to sleep quickly but then 30 mins to 2 hours after hes awake again then up several times in the night after that! :(

    I tried taking his dummy away but he cried for 2 and a half hours and wouldnt settle without it then immediately went to sleep when i gave it back! I think I'll just let him keep it until hes 2/3 years old as he only has it when hes sleeping anyway!

    When will it get better? What can i do to help him sttn? Surely he should be able to do it by now? Any advise please?
     
  2. aliss

    aliss Well-Known Member

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    Yes they do, but you might need to change your expectations too. I personally don't think a 9 month old MUST sttn, so it doesn't bother me, I set age 2 as an expectation personally, but that's just me.

    I've had a lot less stress with baby #2 now that I don't even think or worry about it. With my 1st (who was a horrid sleeper), I drove myself nuts aiming for that "sttn goal", when he just wasn't ready. So I just accepted it and life got better.
     
  3. Amygdala

    Amygdala Well-Known Member

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    Very good advice from aliss there I think! What you describe sounds pretty standard for a 9-month-old. Mine was like that anyway. It's natural for babies and children to wake up during the night. Of course that doesn't mean it's easy to cope with but it will get better. My LO started sttn most nights around age one but of course there's always teething, cold, busy days etc to throw a spanner in the works. But they will sleep through sooner or later, so I figure I might as well accept that I can't majorly influence when and give us both a break. None of the sleep training methods work. They might seem to work for some people but if you look at the actual long-term outcome, from actual controlled research studies, they don't make babies sleep better at all. So try to get away from the thought that you're not doing things right. You are! Your baby is perfectly normal in his behaviour and will settle into longer periods of sleep when he's ready. Fingers crossed for you that it'll be soon. ;)
     
  4. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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    I agree with the previous posters. I think that sounds totally normal for a 9 month old. I believe that all babies will sleep through the night in their own time without having to involve any crying. My 19 month old still wakes up in the night but I lowered my expectations and just go with the flow and it's a lot less stressful. I know she will sleep through one day as all babies eventually will :)
     
  5. lilly_bum

    lilly_bum Well-Known Member

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    we never sleep trained and our lo always slept just fine :)
     
  6. pebbie1

    pebbie1 Mum to Marielle & Markus

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    I never ever did any sleep training with my daughter and she always fell asleep whilst feeding and no problem at all.
    She didn't start to proper sttn until she was 8 months but then she started waking again and then sttn again etc etc.
    At 9 months they're so busy trying to figure out crawling, standing, walking and that can wake them up. It's more likely things will go better once your little one is waking around and it's little head finally gets some peace as it's figured out how to get mobile.
    X
     
  7. Feebster1

    Feebster1 Well-Known Member

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    Yep honey it will get better.

    My lo at that age was a horrid sleeper too, not so much at night buts naps were a joke!!!
    Just stick to what your doing, if my lo wakes thru the night (which isnt too often now) i only go through if she gets upset for more than a couple of mins then put her dummy back and leave.
    I never speak or do anything differently, consistency should bring it all right in the end honey.
    I sometimes lie and listen to lo yammer away for half hour or more before she settles again, i still consider those nights as sttn as i havent had to get up!!

    It will improve hang in there.:hugs:
     
  8. Button#

    Button# Well-Known Member

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    I haven't sleep trained and my LO sttn at 16 months. He doesn't do it consistantly but that was the first time. Since then it's been 50/50, although he has gone back to waking 3 or 4 times a night this week since we changed his cotbed to a toddler bed.
     
  9. superfrizbee

    superfrizbee Love my princess & prince

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    DD went through a bad spell of sleep between 7-10 months (for us bad was being up 3 times a night). I didn't sleep train and she did improve, then at 12 months she started sttn most nights.
     
  10. Beccaboop

    Beccaboop Mummy to Jacob

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    Thanks ladies it sounds like at about a year or when they are mobile it will inprove so ill just wait it put. Hes so close to crawling so maybe things will improve a bit at least once hes figured that out! :)
     
  11. superfrizbee

    superfrizbee Love my princess & prince

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    Learning to crawl definitely screwed up DDs sleep. It was like having a newborn again zzzzzzz. But it got better when she learnt to crawl and when she learnt to go to sleep on her tummy (she'd always sleep on her back, roll over and get annoyed because she couldnt get back!).
     
  12. Beccaboop

    Beccaboop Mummy to Jacob

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    My lo has slept on his belly for a while since he could roll both ways. I really hope when hes mastered crawling his sleep will improve! Im knackered!! :(
     
  13. superfrizbee

    superfrizbee Love my princess & prince

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    I hope so for your sake! It's rough :(
     
  14. star1

    star1 Well-Known Member

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    Hi. I just picked up a couple of things from your op that may or may not help

    Firstly, when my lo dropped to 2 naps we had to start putting her to bed an hour earlier so she wouldn't get overtired - have you thought about doing that?

    Secondly, we used to do the dummy run a lot too. Have you thought about ways to help teach lo to put his own dummy back in? We use a sleepy tot and have a night light on so that she can find a dummy easily. We also started letting her practice putting the dummy back in by herself during the day (she only has one for sleeping too)

    Hope that helps x
     
  15. Beccaboop

    Beccaboop Mummy to Jacob

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    Thanks i will try an earlier bedtime. He can put the dummy back in himself i sometimes let him play with it and he does put it in himself but he just doesnt bother looking for it in the night even the glow in the dark ones but thanks.

    I wish dummy clips weren't so dangerous cos that would be so useful. I did think about one of those teddys with the the velcro that you attach dummys but hes a fidget and is literally all over his cot so i dont know if he would find that either!
    Thanks tho.
     
  16. Scottish mum

    Scottish mum Well-Known Member

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    I'm so happy to read this! My lo is about 11 months and still wakes in the night! It's refreshing to read that most babies still wake. I put allot of presure on myself as I read from 6 months baby should be sttn and that you shouldn't give milk. But you know what every baby is different and it doesn't change how they grow up or the decisions they make in life x
     
  17. MissyMojo

    MissyMojo Army Wife, Mam & BFP

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    A little known fact my HV told me, is that a hv/Dr/nurse classes a 6hr stretch as having sttn!!!

    My lo's sleep is all over the place atm, but when I look at what he's been up to developmentally its no surprise really, at this age they're becoming mobile, cutting teeth, learning to eat solid foods, learning object permanence, and also separation anxiety can be a factor now,

    Continue to reassure and settle your lo how you have been, stay consistent in your approach and it will settle down,

    My lo has gone from waking every 2hrs last week to more like 4hrly now that he has cruising established and his 8th tooth has cut,

    Hang in there mama, it gets better xx
     
  18. Noo

    Noo Mum to 2 boys xx

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    Yup - I'm a MW and I'd class midnight - 6am as sleeping through the night.
     
  19. eulmh82

    eulmh82 Well-Known Member

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    I got a very short dummy chain at 13 mths Abd it made such a difference! He's slept through from then or least he can find his dummy himself. At 9 mths he was still having a night feed every so often. Don't worry about all those people who have babies sttn even though there seem to be a lot they are in the minority! Honestly 13 mths Abd sth changed for us Abd now at 19 mths he sleeps really well
    ... Apart from when he's ill like tonight bless him he's for a dodgy tummy so had a really sore bottom and I feel bad as I'm not sure how long he was like thar
     
  20. ferens06

    ferens06 Well-Known Member

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    Yes, my daughter did eventually. Just be patient.
     

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