Windchimes, windmills, ornaments etc at Graves

[hayley x]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1352498/Poundland-cemetery-Colchester-council-bans-ornaments-graves.html?ITO=1490

What do you think? x

 

[Annunakian]

Wow, over kill. Most of that is just obnoxious. I agree with the limited decor. Allow some personalization but don't go overboard. I wouldn't want to go visit my loved ones grave and worry about tripping over someone elses stuff.

 

[SKATERBUN]

Its a valid point, when i go and visit my mums grave there is all manner of junk there, it was nice at first when the chimes were new and the pictures nick nacks etc but some people dont go often enough to replace them and they get all manky and get blown all over the cemetary. Its a bit chaotic now as not only is there not much room between graves, but bits are blown all over the place. I think one ornamant per grave and then people should make sure they maintain it.

 

[twinkle1975]

I really think that's over the top - I don't think its respectful to have hundreds of things whizzing & flashing & clanking everywhere!

 

[special_kala]

I can see why windchimes should be removed as it effects everyone visiting someone but dont see the problem with ornaments.

All people want to do is peronalise their loved ones graves i dont see how thats anyone elses buisness.

 

[hayley x]

I personally think as long as you are maintaining what you put on the grave then you should be allowed what you like. In his time Alex has had quite some bits and I would be devestated if I was told to remove his things, but I go regularly and make sure he is looking ok. I looked at the poll and seems the majority of people dont like the things being there x

 

[BlackBerry25]

I don't like that. Too me it looks trashy and more disrespectful if anything. I can also see how windchimes would be annoying, especially that many.

Personally, I think it should be a calm place to reflect on things. I think you should be able to put things on the actual gravesite, but it should be kept to a minimum.

 

[pinklizzy]

I think it's so hard. If I visited a cemetery like the one in the picture, I'd think it showed how much the families care about their lost loved ones, particularly the angel babies
I can also see though that not everyone has the same tastes and may want to grieve in a different way. I don't think it will ever be something that everyone can agree on as it's such a personal thing.
As for the anti-social behaviour, personally I think that's just a lack of respect.

 

[tallybee]

I agree that those things should be kept minimal. Really it's OTT to have that much and like was said above, you don't want to be tripping over someone else's stuff when you go to mourn a loved one. Particularly if it's left and blows away and gets manky.

Surely it would be more respectful to make a memorial in a private place like your own home or garden where the ornaments etc aren't just going to get vandalised by nasties anyway.

 

[TattiesMum]

This is such a difficult subject for me because I can see both sides

I don't mind seeing well maintained and decorated graves (like Alex's) in the Children's section - it's sweet and moving and somehow fitting for it to be bright and cheery.

The Adult section is another matter entirely though - some of those graves look beyond awful and I certainly wouldn't want to be buried next to all that ... I'd be spinning in my grave at the bad taste displayed by some people Seriously though - for me an adult burial ground should be a place of peace, tranquillity and quiet reflection - fresh flowers yes and maybe a couple of ornaments but no more

It's not just the graves themselves either .... the first thing I noticed in the pictures was benches all over the place - you wouldn't just go and stick a bench in your local park or on your street so why do people think it's acceptable to do it in a cemetery? For a start it encroaches on someone else's loved ones space, plus it stops the cemetery ground staff from keeping the grass mowed, which makes the whole cemetery start to look un-kept, and it stops other people from getting easy access to the graves of their loved ones, which isn't fair

I think that part of the problem is that people mis-understand the nature of 'buying a grave' .... they think that they have bought that small plot of land and should be able to do as they like with it - whereas in fact they have only bought the right to bury someone in that space, not to do anything else .... you have to have written approval for any memorial/headstone that you want to put on a grave before it is erected - so it surely makes sense that you should have to do the same for anything else you want to put on it

Most small local cemeteries have a written agreement that people have to sign when purchasing a right of burial (the proper term for 'buying a grave') which make it quite clear that any decoration apart from fresh flowers will be removed.

Unfortunately most large council cemeteries didn't go down that route of having a specific agreement which made things crystal clear - instead they have a 'Cemetery Rules' notice which people are supposed to read and which is implied rather than specifically pointed out to families when they purchase burial rights. Thus they do have the right to remove everything without notice as none of that stuff should be there at all - the problem is that they let it slide for so long If they had only enforced the rules from the start then there wouldn't be this outcry and families wouldn't be feeling like they are stripping their loved ones of their possessions

 

[indy and lara]

Recently there have been talks at our local cemetery about their Rose Garden,which is where the babies are buried. The council want to tidy it up and Sand are in agreement as it has become very run down. However, it is very distressing for the parents' who have their LOs buried there.

We did not have Bobo buried, he was cremated so I do not know how I we would keep his stone. I think that there is something very fitting about having ornaments in a baby area of the graveyard.

 

[Laura2919]

I think it's so hard. If I visited a cemetery like the one in the picture, I'd think it showed how much the families care about their lost loved ones, particularly the angel babies
I can also see though that not everyone has the same tastes and may want to grieve in a different way. I don't think it will ever be something that everyone can agree on as it's such a personal thing.
As for the anti-social behaviour, personally I think that's just a lack of respect.

Exactly what I think too.

 

[angelandbump]

This may come across the wrong way so i would like to say sorry in advance if it offends anyone.

People should stop flipping moaning!!! . If you have lost a child then you will probably know what its like. When i lost Alyssa, i got peace and enjoyment buying things for her grave (B&Q became the new toys'r'us). Other 'alive' babies and kids get loads of gifts, toys ect so why shouldn't i buy for my daughter and place them at the cemetery. As long as its maintained then i dont see a problem.
Don't get me wrong, on that tree had a lot of things on it but if that helps their family then who are we to say they are wrong.

unless you have lost a child then really you wont EVER understand and i wouldn't even want you to. If offends you then don't look! There are graves in Alyssa's cemetery with pictures of their sleeping babies on which personally i dislike as both babies are discoloured ect but that's what their familes wanted so tough on everyone else.

oh and as for the antisocial behaviour problems... they will happen everywhere!
I was in the local newspaper and had a petition to get the security cameras back in our cemetery as they were removed to be put on an empty pub! and when they went, kids came in and thought they were being nice by taken things from the babies and adults graves who had more and put on the other graves that had nothing. As soon as 1 thing was taking off Alyssa's i was SOOO hurt but i got it strait back and started my campaign and it took 2 months but the cameras were put back.
I even then contacted the schools and asked them to mention to the children to respect the graves as i think they thought they were being nice and obviously don't understand that it hurts the families.

HAVEN'T THE DAILY MAIL GOT SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT TO WRITE ABOUT!

 

[hayley x]

I personally feel baby and adult graves are different, but then am I saying a baby deserves things and an adult doesnt? I'm totally with you that if it helps comfort us then I dont see the problem BUT the things do need to be maintained. We only live in a village so the cemmetry is small, and if I'm truely honest, Alex's grave is the only grave that has things on that is maintained. The other graves that had toys/windmills/cards on are just put there and left for months on end. Many times I've had to walk round and 'tidy' the baby area from things that have blown away from the grave, but as its that small I know where they belong iykwim, and I honestly dont mind doing this.

I think as long as what youre putting down is on your babys grave then you should be allowed what you like. Atm Alex has a little train on a train track, a mickey mouse, a knitte monkey, an ornament with his name on and a few other little bits. Its how I want it and I would be devestated if I was told to remove all his things. His headstone and kerbs are cleaned regularly and his toys rotated, washed and kept tidy. Who are we hurting?

 

[hayley x]

This was Alex at christmas, is this so wrong? his christmas tree ISNT on his grave, so is it fair for me to be told to move it? What about his windmill, shouldnt that be there either? Just wondered how many people would be 'offended' to see a babys grave looking like this.

 

[angelandbump]

Aw that looks very tasteful! what a lovely stone! x

This was Alyssa's on her first birthday... i love windmills. But as i made allthe flower arrangements, she always has loads on special occasions. People at this cemetery take pride on maintaining all the graves, even the ones people don't visit

 

[xemmax]

i can't believe people could find it disrespectful. i find it much more disrespectful to find graves which are damaged and not maintained than graves which are clearly visited and left with memories.

fair enough, it isn't to everyone's taste. it certainly isn't to mine. but if they aren't intruding directly on to other graves or paths then i see absolutely no problem. who said graveyards should be left plain? if that is what helps people to remember their loved ones then they should be welcome to do so.

 

[PleaseBaby]

Ollie is burried in a small section of his cemetery, it's not a baby cemetery but only 3 people are next to him. His 'neighbour' is a woman whos husband comes every day to visit her, he told me he loves seeing Ollies new toys so if he doesn't have a problem with it I don't see why anyone else should.

Losing a baby is thehardest thing anyone will ever have to go through, you will never understnad unless youve been there yourself. I personally know that buying 'toys' for Ollie is very comforting to both me and my family, we aren't hurting anyone, tbh untill I saw this article I would never have even considered that someone may be offended by me decorating my babies grave.

 

[Nic1107]

Alex and Alyssa's graves both look very beautiful and tastefully decorated.

I would love if my little niece could have her site done up just as nice; she has a little headstone (the kind that is flat in the ground iykwim) with her picture on and the cemetary she's in only allows decorations to be up for a short time. Like, my sister has to go pick up her stuff on a certain date each month or it gets chucked out.
I think that's horrid; what if someone put a special gift for Carissa there, and my sister didn't know to pick it up and it was thrown out? If they 'need' to clean up the grave sites for maintenance each month (which is debatable anyway), they had ought to put the things left there somewhere safe and phone the families, throwing out their little gifts is just a bloody disgrace.

Sorry for the rant. Some of the gaudier decor isn't really to my taste, but to each their own and damn right they should be allowed to beautify the resting places of their loved ones as they seem fit. It's not really allowed here, and our cemeteries just look so... lonely.

 

[RedRose]

Who really cares about what it looks like or if it isn't to their taste? If decorating like that has in any way given comfort to a grieving person then good!

Surely it's no real hardship for staff or visitors to have a little clear up/tidy if objects have blown away and are cluttering other areas etc.

If you are a visitor and other people's decorations are upsetting you then I think your priorities are very wrong.