Wondering

[cebethel]

Not having a good day today ladies. Found out this afternoon that my 7 year old will be having another surgery next Tuesday (21st)

It's making me think about things. I blame myself for his traumatic birth. He was born at 28 weeks because I developed pre-ecampsia. It was touch & go for him a few times. Thankfully, after 3 months he came home........with oxygen & an apnea monitor, but he was HOME!

My issue is, what if I get pre-eclampsia again & put another child through all that mess of the NICU? Should I keep ttc because of that?

 

[Indigo77]

OMG....

It was NOT your fault.
You didN't develop pre-eclampsia on purpose, did you?
And you don't know if you will develop it again, do you?

And your son deserves to have a sibling...what a gift!
Of course you should keep TTC...
Having a child is like a leap of faith....for anyone at anytime...

It's understandable for you to have these fears..
However, you have gone through hell and back for Austin...
and you will do it again for his brother or sister
IF you have to! (and that's a big if)

I am sorry to hear your son needs another surgery...I hope it is not a major one...

 

[Natsby]

I imagine if you have history that next time round the doctors will monitor you for it and control it better. Forewarned is forearmed. Take it easy one yourself hun, could have happened to anyone.

 

[NorthStar]

Don't blame yourself babe, it's not like you smoked crack throughout the pregnancy, pre-eclampsia is just plain unlucky, nothing you did caused it, and fingers crossed lightning won't strike twice - plus a good doctor will totally monitor you, and be ready to take action.

 

[Bubba3]

Oh sweets I feel for you so so much. I blamed myself for my daughters condition , even though the drs think it's the legacy of her contracting meningitis at three months old. I have gone over and over my pregnancy , labour which was pretty traumatic for her. You know what you couldn't help getting pre eclapsia .
I can understand though , we agonized over having a second . We have so many appointments , surgeries , therapies etc to deal with. From my experience though our second sort of normalized our life if that makes sense . We also wanted her to have a little friend to grow up with and support , maybe even protect . That sounds a bit selfish putting like that . I guess what I mean is I know there will be times when she will talk to her sis about things and not us . I wanted her to have that. Plus it works both ways for them. Hang in there lovely , and keep us up to date about your wee boy

 

[dachsundmom]

Oh hun, it is NOT your fault!

There is nothing that you have done wrong; Like Natsby said, this time around the doctors will monitor you very closely and all will be well!

I am so sorry to hear about your son's surgery! Your family has my best wishes!

 

[Fallen Ambers]

cebethel~ We are always so quick at blaming ourselves when things go wrong. I don't know if it's because we are born with strong maternal instincts?
We love our children so much and want to protect them at all cost. It saddens us when they are sick and when they hurt. With that said, I understand why you are feeling the way you are, however, it is no fault of yours that you had pre-eclampsia. It just happened! Don't burden yourself with that guilt and most importantly, don't prevent yourself from trying to conceive another child. They are such a blessing!
You gave life to your litte one~enjoy the moments.

Blessings to you~

 

[readyformore]

Oh, big hugs!!!

You cannot cause pre-eclampsia! Although I'm sure as a mother you want to blame yourself, we all do. You could not have prevented pre-eclampsia and a premature birth through medication, bedrest, or diet changes. Those things will usually give a woman a couple of days more of pregnancy (long enough to get steroids to her baby), but not much more than that. There truthfully is not much that you or your doctor could have done (aside from being in your mid-twenties and starting off your pregnancy with a normal bmi, that's really what is going to put you at less risk of having pre-eclampsia. Now if I could just figure out how to turn the age clock backward, hmmm).

Pre-eclampsia is not manageable. Hypertension (high blood pressure) is manageable, but the two are different. Your doctor cannot prescribe medication, or monitor you to the point of "curing" pre-eclampsia during your pregnancy. Yes, they will check your blood pressure, blood work, and urine closely, but the only cure is to deliver the baby.

It must have been really bad to deliver at 28 weeks. I'm sorry you had to go through with that, but severe pre-eclampsia (which I would assume you had) is not anything to fool around with.

Statistics will say that you have a higher chance of developing pre-eclampsia again, if you've had it in the past.
Statistics also say that after the age of 35, your risk of Down's and other genetic problems increase. But, I'm still trying to get pregnant.

I cannot live my life in fear.

I have seen horrible things in my 12 years as an OB nurse. There are SOOOOO many risks with pregnancy/birth/recovery. . . . that honestly, I think if everyone knew all of the possibilities of what could go wrong, they would cease having sex for fear of becoming pregnant. But, I'm still trying to get pregnant.

I would imagine that it would require quite a bit of soul searching to come to a decision. You're afraid of repeating the same situation you're in. You're afraid of missing out on the chance to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. You must feel very torn.

Good luck with your decision.

((hugs))

 

[cebethel]

Thanx so much ladies

Austin is having surgery on his "private area" The first surgery he had when he was 2. Austin told me he's worried that someone will see his underpants At the moment he doesn't seem nervous or scared at all (except about his underpants)

I won't give up ttc. The only time I will give up is if a doctor tells me I should. I HAVE to try to keep positive instead of going over past issues

DH is being awesome about everything. He is being so caring while I am a crying mess. Hmm, maybe my hormones are all messed up?

Sending many & thanks to you all

 

[Indigo77]

I won't give up ttc. The only time I will give up is if a doctor tells me I should. I HAVE to try to keep positive instead of going over past issues

I hope the surgery goes well....

 

[Bubba3]

Thanx so much ladies

Austin is having surgery on his "private area" The first surgery he had when he was 2. Austin told me he's worried that someone will see his underpants At the moment he doesn't seem nervous or scared at all (except about his underpants)

I won't give up ttc. The only time I will give up is if a doctor tells me I should. I HAVE to try to keep positive instead of going over past issues

DH is being awesome about everything. He is being so caring while I am a crying mess. Hmm, maybe my hormones are all messed up?

Sending many & thanks to you all