Working - can FOB interfere with childcare?

[LJaydow]

Hey girls,

I am looking at going back to work soon - and would have to leave LO with a babysitter for a few days of the week.

If I tell FOB this, he will go absolutely mad and will insist he or his family look after LO. I do not want this, as he has threatened numerous times to not give him back, and has said that I am a bad mother etc etc so I am going to the court to apply for a residency order.

Can he have any say with regards to baby sitters, and can he take LO from the baby sitter? I do not want him to see LO any more than he does already, and want to keep him out of my life as much as I can do.

thank you for your help

x

 

[teal]

My son goes to a childminder and I have to tell her in advance if someone else is to pick up LO.

 

[nolansmom]

Don't you have a custody agreement of some kind? FOB can only have access to lo as stated on order. I had to provide order to school and daycare so they could verify access and avoid confusion.

 

[LJaydow]

No there is nothing as of yet that has been drawn up, but it will be because it seems to change every week depending on his plans and its getting very unfair now

 

[elsielouise]

IF you currently have shared parental responsibility, which, if FOB is named on BC and without a court order you have by default. Then your ex can legally take your child from their carer as without a court order dictating access in theory he has shared parenting responsibility.

I know this as friend had this conversation with her nursery recently and they told her they where not legally allowed to prevent her ex taking child even against wishes of mother.

They accepted this was far from ideal and said they would try and 'stall' him and call her if he turned up but they couldn't prevent without a court order.

 

[nolansmom]

Oic. I think that regardless of him being amicable or difficult you should get one. It's for your child's protection and getting one just simplifies the next 18 years for you. I think for travel purposes and medical etc it's necessary to have. Another task to get over with for us moms but it will help you soooooo much in the long run..

 

[LJaydow]

Well as it stands, I am going to go for a residence order as FOB tried to keep LO from me and not give him back, and he keeps threatening to take him off of me.

I am going to get a court order to specify the dates and times in which he has contact.

Would this be sufficient? I know he would do everything in his power to be a pain in the arse for me and to hurt me (he spies on me ?!)

 

[nolansmom]

I'm in Canada and not familiar with the different orders there but for sure a court order that specifies date and time of visitation would work. He won't have a choice but to adhere to the order and certainly won't be able to threaten you anymore. That's not something you should have to put up with. He should be so lucky that you let him see lo at all - child support order as well?

 

[Fraggles]

IF you currently have shared parental responsibility, which, if FOB is named on BC and without a court order you have by default. Then your ex can legally take your child from their carer as without a court order dictating access in theory he has shared parenting responsibility.

I know this as friend had this conversation with her nursery recently and they told her they where not legally allowed to prevent her ex taking child even against wishes of mother.

They accepted this was far from ideal and said they would try and 'stall' him and call her if he turned up but they couldn't prevent without a court order.

I have to say im surprised at this my children have been to 2 nurseries and both have said even if their father turned up with ID he would NOT be allowed to take the children as he has never been seen by them I hadnt agreed it and he wouldnt know the password to get access.

 

[teal]

IF you currently have shared parental responsibility, which, if FOB is named on BC and without a court order you have by default. Then your ex can legally take your child from their carer as without a court order dictating access in theory he has shared parenting responsibility.

I know this as friend had this conversation with her nursery recently and they told her they where not legally allowed to prevent her ex taking child even against wishes of mother.

They accepted this was far from ideal and said they would try and 'stall' him and call her if he turned up but they couldn't prevent without a court order.

I have to say im surprised at this my children have been to 2 nurseries and both have said even if their father turned up with ID he would NOT be allowed to take the children as he has never been seen by them I hadnt agreed it and he wouldnt know the password to get access.

I was surprised too. My childminder would never allow my son to go with someone without my permission.

 

[elsielouise]

IF you currently have shared parental responsibility, which, if FOB is named on BC and without a court order you have by default. Then your ex can legally take your child from their carer as without a court order dictating access in theory he has shared parenting responsibility.

I know this as friend had this conversation with her nursery recently and they told her they where not legally allowed to prevent her ex taking child even against wishes of mother.

They accepted this was far from ideal and said they would try and 'stall' him and call her if he turned up but they couldn't prevent without a court order.

I have to say im surprised at this my children have been to 2 nurseries and both have said even if their father turned up with ID he would NOT be allowed to take the children as he has never been seen by them I hadnt agreed it and he wouldnt know the password to get access.

I was surprised too. My childminder would never allow my son to go with someone without my permission.

Alas according to the nursery we spoke to he would be within his rights to call the police who could insist he was allowed access to the child as opposed to allowing the nursery to keep them.

In reality I suspect it would more likely have resulted in any police refusing to give access to a father without delaying tactics allowing a mother to be present as discretion is allowed.

Remember too though this is only IF he has shared parental responsibility which is defined by being named on the Birth Certificate ie the child is registered by both parents OR through a court.

It doesn't automatically grant access to a non resident parent though which is why the nursery my friends daughter attended took advice. This was their conclusion at that time as the child was known to the parent.

I think the police would be more likely to excercise common sense if the father was unknown to the child and call the primary carer.

As a former head teacher I have dealt with this type of situation and have refused to allow a father to take a child without the consent of the mother and called the fathers bluff. My POV was to safe guard the child and this should be the same within any form of child care but in school we have loco parentis responsibility which is different again.

Legal advice is essential

 

[Rosella]

As far as I understand it can also depend on the policy of the nursery whether they will release the child or not, but agree with the other posters about parental responsibility giving FOB rights to pick up.

Good luck. Good for you going back to work and taking control.