Worried about 15mo's behaviour

[MissR]

Hi all,

I haven't posted in a while but just wanted some advice or to see if anyone has had similar experiences. My little boy is 15 months old and I'm really worried about his behaviour and how he acts in general. He is extremely hard work and I'm at the point where I don't know how to deal with him. He cries almost constantly for no apparent reason, but not an upset cry, more of a Moany whinge. He is extremely naughty and he doesn't listen to anything I say. He is quite aggressive and likes to hit and pull his four year old sisters hair all the time. I tell him off when he is naughty and I put him in bed as a punishment and get him out after 5 minutes. But I feel he is too young to really understand discipline yet, although he knows when he is being told off.

He has major tantrums when he is told no or not allowed to do what he wants. Or just when he can't even reach the things he wants. For example when I go to make his morning bottle, if i don't carry him to his bed to have it, he won't follow me, he stands and does a really upset cry and then lies on the floor and screams until he is picked up and taken to lie down for his bottle. I have left him for up to half hour doing this to see if he will eventually get up but he just continues to scream. He never can concentrate on one thing at once, he always has to be up doing something. He never ever watches tv, which my daughter would do at this age. He never seems to just sit down and relax. He isn't affectionate at all. The only time we ever get a cuddle from him is when he is extremely tired. He gets enough sleep at night, in fact he loves his sleep so I wouldn't think that is what's causing his behaviour. As I am writing this he is on the floor screaming because he wasn't able to stand a toy dog up properly. Could it just be frustration?

I have heard that boys are just a lot harder work than girls. But with him it feels like a constant battle. We can't even go out to dinner or out to the shops with him anymore because he just throws himself around or screams at the top of his lungs. Is his behaviour normal for a boy or should I be worried? I'm thinking of going to see the Health visitor as soon as normal weekdays commence again, but they always seem to brush my worries aside. Or am I over reacting and this is just normal for his age?

If anyone has a similar experience please let me know! Xx

 

[loeylo]

A lot of this sounds like my little girl who is 14.5m just now.

She has temper tantrums several times a day - also for silly things, like she hands the dog a biscuit, he eats the biscuit and then she is angry because she doesn't have a biscuit. That is just one example, she has lots of temper tantrums every day where she throws herself onto the floor, screams and kicks etc - proper temper tantrums.

Telling them off when they are so little is pointless - yes, they know they are getting a row and they know they have done something wrong, but they don't really understand what they have done wrong, why they aren't supposed to do it, and how to not do it. 5 minute timeouts are completely ineffective - you said yourself that he doesn't have a good attention span, after 5 minutes the original thing will have been forgotten and he will be getting frustrated about why he is being left. You also don't want to build a negative association with his bed as this could cause sleep troubles in the future.

When my daughter does something she isn't supposed to (for example, her favourite is to splash all the water from the dogs water bowl all over herself and the floor) I always say the exact same thing - "Gracie, no!" Then I pick her up and say"don't play with the water bowl, you have soaked your clothes and need to get changed" - that way she is learning the consequences (she hates getting changed)

A short attention span is normal. My daughter plays with a toy for a maximum of a few minutes before getting bored and moving on. We give her a few at a time and change them every few days. She doesn't do a lot of independent play but now that she has "active" toys she is getting better (she has the fisher price zebra and a trampoline which she can get on and off herself) - she is also getting into imaginative play so she is enjoying dolls just now.

In terms of the tv, you really shouldn't be regularly puffing the tv on for a kid so young. Gracie never watches tv either. We do have it on when she is awake, but not on a kid show as such. She sometimes dances along to music or glances for a minute or two but it doesn't interest her either. Totally normal.

 

[choc]

They have no impulse Control at this age. So they have no control over the fact they do the same thing over and over even if it's not allowed. Distraction when you see them about to do whatever it is you don't want them to do is most effective at this age.

 

[Rainbow82]

Sounds pretty much exactly how my DS was at 15 months, he's a little better now because around 14-16 months he had a huge leap in understanding. Now I know he understands exactly what I'm telling him, not that he always listens. I've found it helps to physically remove him from a situation and telling him no is far more effective than having to tell him what he's done wrong and tell him off. He goes to nursery four days and they have no concerns about him or his behaviour they just say he's a perfectly normal high energy kid. I find it helps to get him out of the house everyday to run off a lot of his energy.

 

[weedle]

I could have wrote this about my youngest. He is completely different to my eldest, a lot more hard work and defiant. Mine are both boys too. However he seems very switched on and very intelligent so I think a lot of it is frustration with him.

 

[george83]

I've never had this at 15 months but ds2 was an extremely late talker and went through this phase from about 18 months until 2 years 3 months - he was unbearable - but I put most of it down to frustration at not being able to talk and communicate properly with us. Hopefully your Lo will develop his communication skills soon and and it will improve (ds2 started to use his own sign language which helped us).

And we also have the tv on for my oldest two to watch but at 15 months ds3 wasn't interested in anything on it even the youngest programmes