Worried About 2yr daughter-Pregnant Again

[Teasangelmom]

Hi guys!
Im not sure where to post this and I apologize if its in the wrong area Please move it if you need to!
I have a 22 month old daughter and Im pregnant with our second child(not sure of gender yet,find out this next month!) and I admit for the first 3 months of her life I never put her down and shes been my only "baby" for almost 2 years now. Im worried about how shell react when I have to devote a lot of my time to the newborn and we cant be interacting 24/7 like we use to. I do have a husband,but he does have a job and cant be here to help 24/7,so I dont really know what to expect with having two little ones. Im a disabled stay at home mom and I spend every day with Tea. I do have limitations(my joints dislocate,OCD and anxiety) so suggestions to help her understand a new baby is on the way and how to lessen my anxiety over this?

 

[storm4mozza]

Hi guys!
Im not sure where to post this and I apologize if its in the wrong area Please move it if you need to!
I have a 22 month old daughter and Im pregnant with our second child(not sure of gender yet,find out this next month!) and I admit for the first 3 months of her life I never put her down and shes been my only "baby" for almost 2 years now. Im worried about how shell react when I have to devote a lot of my time to the newborn and we cant be interacting 24/7 like we use to. I do have a husband,but he does have a job and cant be here to help 24/7,so I dont really know what to expect with having two little ones. Im a disabled stay at home mom and I spend every day with Tea. I do have limitations(my joints dislocate,OCD and anxiety) so suggestions to help her understand a new baby is on the way and how to lessen my anxiety over this?

Hey hunnie.
I didn't want to read and run so.. hey my name is Nicky and i AM 27 years old from England. I got pregnant aged 19, when my son was 10 months old I got pregnant with baby number 2. I was worried... I have had a year and a half with this baby how will I cope having to give so much attention to a newborn?

I have stress, anxiety and depression. I assumed that my Son would soon have a little brother (I was wrong) then I found out the new baby was a girl, I was well and truly shocked... oh my word it can't be a girl I have always thought 2 boys and had never seen myself having a daughter.

I found it hard after she was born to bond with her for the first 2-3 years, I loved her the same as her brother but the bond was not there, it was hard with an 18 month old and a newborn and my Son wanted all the attention (he tried to push her off the settee when he realised she was staying) I won't lie, with my depression and anxiety it has been a bumpy road, one day is always different from another.

You can do this I have total faith in you, it may seem very scary right now, I remember that feeling but fast forward a few years my Son is 6 and adores his Sister (who turns 5 on 20th August) and they are close as can be, no long term effect of him having to share mommy and daddy's attention.

 

[Teri7489]

I had a horrible delivery with my daughter and but ended up having this crazy bond with her after therapy. I didn't think I'd ever be able to have another baby as it would be physically hard but even hard emotionally. When she was 14 months old I fell pregnant with my son and I seriously wouldn't be without my little guy. I still have my incredible bond with my daughter. We have snuggle when my son naps. He goes to bed half hour earlier too and that's when we have our little time together. I also have one to one time with my son like shower time, playing cars or reading him a story before bed. I can do that while she colours on her own. It's so possilble to fit this new little life in to yours. and it's worth awesome to see how receptive your little girl will be to your new addition. it will help create a new bond between you actually, as she helps you help your new little one. I suggest a baby wrap so you can snuggle your new baby but still can play and cuddle tour toddler. lots of floor puzzles, colouring and easy to tido up things your toddler can do with you about but without you having to do much. it will all fall in to place. promise xxx

 

[Teasangelmom]

*Hey Nicky! Do you think it would have gone easier had they been further apart? Tea and my newborn will be 2 1/2 years apart,do you think that will make a difference? Im sorry you struggle with anxiety and depression,I know how hard it is! I had trouble bonding with my daughter for a while after her birth because of my abandonment being left in the hospital for 11 months until I was adopted,but with a lot of therapy I bonded with her and never put her down for 3 months....which caused a host of issues later on with her wanting to be held 24/7,took a lot of work to get her out of that
*Teri,Thank you very very much for telling me about your experiences with your daughter and son,how you worked out having a bond and good relationship with both of your little ones. I really do appreciate it your input on what youve done to make sure each of your children has that special time with you. Im sure I will try to do the same thing. That really did make me feel better I think with my anxiety and OCD disorders Im overthinking things(I usually do) and making things worse in my mind than they really are. Thanks again!

 

[Smiler82]

There is exactly 3 years between my two boys (birthdays are only two days apart) so I don't know how much understanding your daughter has but we spoke a LOT with DS before his brother arrived. I really think it helps, and that's something we've always done so we talked loads about using the toilet before we trained him, loads about having his own bed before we moved him out of the cot...etc, etc. We just find it helps him to have time to think, ask questions, basically get used to the idea of whatever new thing is coming.

I held #1 all the time too! There is nothing like having snuggles with your baby and am so glad I did it. I knew I wouldn't be able to do it as much with #2 but I bought a wrap and that helped a lot. It's great to have your hands free - although once they start to get bigger it is actually quite difficult to do stuff as the 'bump' gets in the way! Is there the option for your eldest go to nursery or a childminder or anything? For us that was a huge help, as that was 3 days where #1 was getting loads of attention, playing with his friends etc and I was at home cuddling the baby It was really hard to start with though, as despite all of this of course there was jealousy. My husband and I try really hard to give them each 1 to 1 time, so at the weekend I'll take #1 to the swings on his own, for example or DH takes the baby out so that I can simply play at home with #1. We put #2 to bed slightly earlier as well, so story time is very important for #1 as we all cuddle up on our bed and he LOVES having that mummy and daddy time.

It is a real juggling act and at times it is still hard - #1 copies the baby thinking it'll get him attention, or he makes a fuss out of really little things to get attention, that sort of thing. But overall they really love each other and watching them roll around together or seeing #1 try to help out #2 is really sweet. I think you just have to be really patient with #1 when the baby first arrives then over time she will settle. I used to really worry about it as well but I just kept telling myself that we're not the only family in the history of the human race to have more than one child! I am the second child myself and I turned out alright Overall there will be good lessons for both your kids in sharing, waiting their turn, helping each other etc. My eldest really likes to 'help out' so getting her involved in simple things might be an idea, like letting her hold the bottle (if you use one) whilst you hold the baby, or asking her to get you a nappy and wipes when you need to change the baby. You will find a way and it WILL all be okay! I remember the nerves and worry though

 

[jessmke]

My daughter was 19 months old when my son was born. The first day that's DS was home with us my DD wanted nothing to do with him, but on day 2 she was absolutely in love with him and has been ever since. She wakes up every morning asking for him, runs to him when he cries and gives him her teddy, hugs and kisses him at every opportunity, etc. We didn't really do anything to prepare DD for the baby's arrival, although we probably would have discussed it more with her if she had been a little older. Honestly I wouldn't worry too much about it, even if your daughter goes through a period of jealousy (mine hasn't yet) it will probably be short lived and within no time she probably won't even remember a time when the baby wasn't there. For me the hardest part of having the two is being patient with my DD. I find myself getting frustrated with her when I'm trying to do something and she just won't leave the baby alone in his swing/chair. She is too young to know better, but it drives me crazy when I ask her a million times to leave the baby alone but instead she is forcefully shoving a pacifier in his mouth, trying to pick him up out of his chair, giving him a blanket but putting it on his face and nearly smothering him, etc. I love that my DD is so interested and in love with her little brother, but I can't leave them alone for even a second and I find that very frustrating because I can't get anything else done during the day. Although you may not have the same experience since your DD will be older than mine.

 

[SoldierWife]

My oldest was 2 when his brother was born. At the time he really didn't know what was going on and didn't mind. We made sure to spend lots of one on one time with him so he didn't get jealous. We really didn't have a problem until my youngest son started walking and getting into the older ones toys. That was the end of the world for him! LOL

Now they're 3 and 1 and we still have issues when it comes to sharing toys but they're learning!

 

[zorak]

My two are 21months apart and I wouldn't change that for the world. Yes the first few weeks were an adjustment for us all but we never had any real jealousy. Now they are like any other brothers. They play together one minute, fight the next, but that's exactly what I love.

I never understand why parents worry so much about their first. Having a sibling is very normal and kids learn to adapt under guidance. If anything I feel sorry for the second child. They are the ones that get slightly less cuddles,have to sometimes wait for a feed etc.

 

[YoshiPikachu]

Are you able to wear a carrier? Those can be really useful.

 

[laura109]

I think we all worry when child number is coming. My dd is 2.5 and im five months pregnant with a boy. Everyone i have asked who has 2 children say it is completely normal to worry because as you said they have been your baby for all this time. I mention it to my dd a little bit each day but then i make her feel special after. She is a little older than your dd butni am not sure how much she understands as such. Ahe rubs my belly and asks to play with him. She picked him out a dinosaur sleepsuit etc. but i always remind her she is mummy's big girl. I feel like getting her prepared will help her adjust so it could be worth helping her know theres a little person coming to live with you all.

As for multi tasking i think we woll sort of figure it out naturally. Ive been told you tend to put the baby down abit more where as first time you can cuddle them and focus alot more on them. But then when the baby is 6 months old your tot will probably be entertaining for them and your oldest will probably make them laugh etc. so i like to think that the first gets the attention but the second gets different people around them to bond with

My daughter is going to nursery in 2 weeks on a monday and Thursday morning just 9-12 so that she gets abit of time out the house and hopefully will enjoy the running around and discovering new things with other children. Im emotional about her going but i know deep down she will like it once she understands that I will come back. I hope to eventually send her for 2 6 hour days a week so that will be my time to spend with the baby and also hopefully get bits done/have a quick nap myself.

Just wanted to say its normal to feel this way with such a big change coming up x

 

[Teasangelmom]

I just want to say thank you to you all for replying. I'm sorry I don't feel well enough to answer them individually.
No I can't wear a carrier and yes I've been telling Tea about the new baby. Once we find out the gender, hopefully on Thursday, lll be able to tell her the name of the baby growing inside mommies tummy. Which I hope will help her understand better

 

[Perplexed]

There's a 14 month age gap between my 2 kids. My oldest, my daughter, was also one of those babies that I pretty much held for the first few months of her life and almost never got a chance to put her down. During the pregnancy, when I was already showing, I told her that there's a little baby in my bump and she would respond with "baby" and give my bump a hug and a kiss. My mother in law also constantly showed her swaddled dolls and had her carry the doll and pretty much showed her the demonstration of the "baby".

If I'm honest, it wasn't easy once the baby was born. And I didn't have as much help as I would have wanted. For the first week or 2 of my little boy's life, my daughter slept at my mom's room and would come to me in the morning. We had stayed at my mom's for around 3 months for many reasons including the fact that we were about to move into a new house and I didn't want to move twice.

But my baby girl would tell me sometimes she wants to hold the baby. She would come and "help" me at bath time. I distinctly remember her little hand patting the baby in the bath. She probably did at some points feel that she wasn't getting the attention she was used to, but she was fine. She's learned to share me with her brother. And guess what! My little boy has always been a really easy breezy baby! Didn't need to be carried a whole lot, but I still liked to carry him a lot because that's basically all I knew how to do. And, we got through it!

 

[Teasangelmom]

Thank you for taking the time to reply! I'm still a little worried but getting less so as time goes on. Tea has been picking on our dog Max more taking his toys and screaming no at him when he tries to take them back. I hope she doesn't do that too much with the baby when it finally gets here. I'm expecting an adjustment period for her and us. I just want it to go smoothly!