worried about friend :(

[spacecadet]

hello, i need some advice - some good friends have just moved back to new zealand to have their baby, everything went wrong, as soon as they got back she was hospitalised and then had to have a very traumatic due to placent pravia c/s and they both nearly died baby was born at 32 weeks,
well baby is 3 months old now, she has been home a month, thriving putting on weight etc..
my friend is suffering very badly from post natal depression
she crys all day has no interest in anything and wont leave the house (she went from being surrounded by friends in uk to not knowing anyone where they now live and no close family) this is not like her at all!
i have just got a landline phone connected so want to call her tonight and have a proper chat (so far just been communicating with her husband on msn) she doesnt do computers so i cant skype her either.. (if only she could this forum may help her!) she must feel so isolated!

has anyone got any advice? any mums that had bad post natal depression got any advice as to what i can say if anything in a short amount of time to help her at all!! im so worried about her but dont want to say the wrong thing or not say anything helpful, there must be something i can do from here!!! im looking forward to speaking to her but worried incase she wont talk or open up to me shes a very proud happy woman normally.. she wanted to breastfeed but thats not going well apparently and they just switched to formula, husband is doing most of the childcare as well as working full time.. she is on medication apparently for it and social workers there have been visiting, i wish i knew more!

please there must be something i can do to help! i wish they hadnt gone back home selfish i know but at least i could have gone to see her regularly!
thanks in advance for any replies xx

 

[Lucy_lu_84]

I don't really have any advice, but I didn't want to read and run.

Just offer her a listening her, let her know that you are there for her.

Hope someone can offer you advice *hugs*

 

[pennysbored]

That poor girl!
I think the best thing you can do is just listen. If she wants to talk, she will. Sounds like she has professional support, which in her case is good, she's had a pretty traumatic experience.
My daughter was born at 32 weeks also, I was hospitalized over Christmas, 1200 km away from all my friends and family. Betty was in the NICU for 5 weeks, so there was a lot of back and forthing it, which is very tiresome and emotionally draining (no one expects to leave their baby anywhere for the night! For weeks!) and I know how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that your body failed you and your baby.
Although my situation wasn't as severe, it was similar, and what really helped me was talking to my friends, even if they were far away, I got flowers from a bunch of girl friends, for a couple weeks I had a great reminder that I was loved and thought about.
Short of flying out there, which I assume isn't an option, just stay in touch. It will help more than you think.
And stay talking to her partner, too! Sounds like he could use the support, too.
I hope this helps.

 

[spacecadet]

thanks for the replies! i spoke to her last night for 50 minutes on the phone, she sounds so tired! shes been home a month and hardly had any visits and hasnt left the house! i asked why and she said she couldnt be bothered.. i suggested just going for a short walk once a day (they are living on the beach!), i asked if she had any plans for the day and she said she was debating whether she could be bothered doing the dishes from last night.. not like her at all!! she would always come round my house and do my dishes for me and get the hoover out!! im so worried, my aunt has emigrated to NZ and works as a health visitor (what a coincidence eh?) so am gunna ring her see if she can help at all..
shes on prozac? is that for PND?? she said it was to stop her being so anxious and its helping but making her very tired.. god if i had the money i think i would be half tempted to get on a plane with my LO and spend the next month with her.... really wish i could (and im petrified of flying) may try see how much flights are
i read the thread about PND and got some good tips - told her its not gunna last forever and she will feel much better soon etc and shes only feeling like this cos shes ill..
also said to try to do 1 thing each day that will make her feel good, a treat for herself, i may try to get some flowers sent over or maybe a food hamper seeing as they are so skint! sorry for waffling on... why do things have to be so shit for some people??

 

[claire-lou]

Haven't got any advice sorry but didn't want to reas and run

 

[Stiina]

You're a very thoughtful friend! A bouquet of flowers sounds like a lovely idea!