Worried about my mental state

[mrshanna]

Im sure my story isnt new, isnt any different from so many other ladies, but I need to rant a bit. I need to tell someone who may understand how I feel. Im afraid people who have not been down the TTC road wouldnt understand.

I have always loved being around children! Kids are absolutley fantastic, amazing, beautiful, wonderful, etc...I work with the public in retail every day and am overjoyed when customers bring their little ones in to see me. I love to watch kids in a crowd, playing and laughing and being their care free, uninhibited selves. Laughing, sleeping, teasing, whatever.

But that has all begun to change! Now, I cant handle being in a crowd of people where I see lots of babies. I dont feel overjoyed when my customers bring their kids to see me. I feel jealous and bitter and angry and ooohhh so sad. I dont want to be this way!!! Im happy for these women who have been fortunate enough to have a family, atleast most of the time, but those feelings are being overwhelmed by my envy and despair at still not being pregnant.

I had to leave a football game recently because the woman sitting a few rows in front of me had two beautiful boys, and was heavily pregnant with her third. I kept tearing up watching her lovely family. Ive become a wreck ladies and I dont know what to do about it!!! Im worrried about my mental health right now. People like to advise you to stay busy and try not to think about it. I own my own business, work full time, and am also in college. Im busy. Trust me.

 

[cooch]

It is tough. I have been having some counselling sessions and it has really helped- no, it has been fabulous.

I am now in a a really good place. Not perfect and some things do upset me, but I have to say I haven't cried in about 8 weeks!!! This is massive as it was every day. I'm a teacher and surrounded by pregnancies and little ones. I had a child show me their mum's scan photo last yr and I nearly broke down in class.

For those who are having difficulty - unless you have been through you don't have a clue what it feels like as there is the possiblity of it never happening. No one else can comprehend how that feels.

Best wishes to you

 

[nik25]

Awe Hun I'm so sorry! I comPletely understand the feeling! Today at church I almost broke out in tears there were babies all around me and pregnant women. I want so badly tO he happy fOr them but t is so hard to when all you think about is a baby! I have found that this site is my sanity! you can message me any time you like. I wish you a BFP this month!!! also I have my own business(hair salon)so I know how it feels trying to stay focused on work when you see mainly women and kids all day :/

 

[zanDark]

I totally understand how you feel I went to starbucks the other day and there were 4 pregnant ladies in the queue in front of me LOL 4!!!!

Not to mention all the women that were with their strollers and children running around the mall.

I don't know if it gets easier for some people, but lately I've just started to block everything out LOL I'm just "FINE! I don't care" and I've completely stopped tracking ovulation etc. I don't even care if we DTD on my fertile days, and sometimes I avoid it all together...I think I just feel like since I can't get a BFP I can at least control my BFN by not being surprised by it LOL if that makes any sense!

I hope you get your BFP soon dear

 

[Armywife84]

It is really challenging to be happy for others when there are so many pregnant women and newborn babies around you. We don't understand why all these people can easily procreate several children when we're still struggling just to get #1 (and for some of us maybe only 1).

I started spiraling into a deep depression the further I went along in LTTC. The longer you go the more it weighs you down and the bitter you get, at least for me. So like Cooch, I decided it was time to seek some personal mental counseling. Where I can freely talk about the stressors in my life (namely LTTC). Not on any "happy pills", because I don't want to affect if and whenever I get my .

Perhaps, a bit of counseling would help? It helped save my sanity. Plus, they know breathing exercises to help relax you.

 

[LizMcD]

Hi mrs Hanna I understand big time! I am trying to be positive but last week decided I need counselling just to talk things through and sort my head out! I had a few down days last week (after a positive hsg result- I should have been v happy and i was grateful but it brought home to me the reality of the situation seeing my empty womb on screen).

Counselling should really help clear your head. Like you, the thoughts of ttc consume me and despite being busy it's hard to escape it. Some days I feel like I'm going crazy!

I wish u lots of luck xx

 

[mrshanna]

Thank you ladies for your understanding! It makes me feel sooo much better to hear other women talk about having similair thoughts, feelings, emotions. Ive already come to the conclusion that if this goes on much longer, I will need a counselor to talk to. Im glad to hear that this approach to the depression of LTTTC has helped others so much!

 

[Damita]

 

[MariaF]

Im EXACTLY the same

And I hate myself for feeling so bitter and jealous but I can't help it

Im even jealous when I see a pregnant cat/horse/dog

It's not getting any easier and if you add PMS to the picture....well, those days my eyes are almost always wet

Also, Im ashamed to ask for counselling help from my GP I mean I know it may help but I just can't bring myself to saying those words: I need helo because Im struggling with LTTC..

Im just used to being a happy, very confident, content person so I don't think I have accepted I have emotional problems - which makes things harder

 

[ohmyitschelsi]

I know how you feel, its getting so bad for me at this point that I'm upset when someone on a TV show gets pregnant..I mean really..issues. My best friend just found out she's pregnant, I'm so depressed inside about it, but all smiles on the outside because I am truly happy for her, just wish it was my turn...everywhere I go, everything I watch, hear..is about babies, pregnancy, babies, pregnancy...It's so frustrating and none of my friends/family can even relate...I hope we both get our BFPs soon.