EstelSeren
Married Mum of 2!
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2009
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I found out at 20 weeks that I'm expecting a 2nd little girl and, whilst I'm thrilled to be having another healthy baby and I love her so much already, I can't help but be a bit upset still. I've done my grieving over the past 9 weeks and, whilst the idea of perhaps never being able to have a little boy is still devastating to me, I was pretty sure I was past the worst of it!
Yesterday my SIL, who I don't get on with anyway (long and not very relevant story relating to a history of her saying some truly horrible things to and about me), has announced she's pregnant with her first. Her husband, my husband's brother, is a great guy and I get on with him just fine and I'm really thrilled for him but can't quite work up the same excitement in relation to her. Now that in itself is bad enough and makes me feel like a really horrible person, especially as the spiteful part of me just wants to ask all the worst questions that you can ask an expectant mother just to be mean! After a perfunctory 'Oh that's nice', my first thought was 'Oh gods, what if they're expecting a boy?' She's not even quite 13 weeks yet so it's going to be a while before they find out and I'm probably worrying myself unnecessarily as it might never happen! The thing is, if they go for an early gender scan then I'll be about 32 or 33 weeks and will just have found out if my placenta has moved sufficiently for me to have a natural birth and could quite possibly be in a particularly delicate mental state, especially if I'm having to get my head round the prospect of a c-section. If they wait until 20 weeks anomaly scan and find out then, I'll be somewhere around 36+ weeks and either bricking it about a rapidly nearing c-section or dissecting every little niggle that could possibly be a sign of impending labour and either way be in a particularly delicate mental state! I'm terrified of what my reaction might be if they do find out they're having a boy because I don't want to react negatively but think I probably will! I don't want to resent them or my potential nephew for something that they had absolutely no control over. I know that I'll probably cry and that's OK, it's the negative thoughts, etc that could, and probably would, so easily come with it! I thought my reaction was bad enough when I found out that an acquaintance due at about the same time as me is expecting twin boys and another acquaintance is expecting a boy about a month later! Plus I still walk through the baby boys clothing section in the shops and burst into tears at the sight of the gorgeous little outfits I can't buy for my little ones! Of course, and I'm sort of hoping this is the case, they might decide to wait until baby's born to find out at which point I'll be run off my feet by a 2 year old and a 4 month old and far too busy to care too much about gender!
Just needed to get that off my chest really! I haven't even mentioned it properly to my husband yet, even though he's suffering from as much disappointment as I am, because I know he'll tell me to just cross that bridge if it should come to it rather than worrying now in advance, which in fairness is very good advice indeed!
Beca :wave:
Yesterday my SIL, who I don't get on with anyway (long and not very relevant story relating to a history of her saying some truly horrible things to and about me), has announced she's pregnant with her first. Her husband, my husband's brother, is a great guy and I get on with him just fine and I'm really thrilled for him but can't quite work up the same excitement in relation to her. Now that in itself is bad enough and makes me feel like a really horrible person, especially as the spiteful part of me just wants to ask all the worst questions that you can ask an expectant mother just to be mean! After a perfunctory 'Oh that's nice', my first thought was 'Oh gods, what if they're expecting a boy?' She's not even quite 13 weeks yet so it's going to be a while before they find out and I'm probably worrying myself unnecessarily as it might never happen! The thing is, if they go for an early gender scan then I'll be about 32 or 33 weeks and will just have found out if my placenta has moved sufficiently for me to have a natural birth and could quite possibly be in a particularly delicate mental state, especially if I'm having to get my head round the prospect of a c-section. If they wait until 20 weeks anomaly scan and find out then, I'll be somewhere around 36+ weeks and either bricking it about a rapidly nearing c-section or dissecting every little niggle that could possibly be a sign of impending labour and either way be in a particularly delicate mental state! I'm terrified of what my reaction might be if they do find out they're having a boy because I don't want to react negatively but think I probably will! I don't want to resent them or my potential nephew for something that they had absolutely no control over. I know that I'll probably cry and that's OK, it's the negative thoughts, etc that could, and probably would, so easily come with it! I thought my reaction was bad enough when I found out that an acquaintance due at about the same time as me is expecting twin boys and another acquaintance is expecting a boy about a month later! Plus I still walk through the baby boys clothing section in the shops and burst into tears at the sight of the gorgeous little outfits I can't buy for my little ones! Of course, and I'm sort of hoping this is the case, they might decide to wait until baby's born to find out at which point I'll be run off my feet by a 2 year old and a 4 month old and far too busy to care too much about gender!
Just needed to get that off my chest really! I haven't even mentioned it properly to my husband yet, even though he's suffering from as much disappointment as I am, because I know he'll tell me to just cross that bridge if it should come to it rather than worrying now in advance, which in fairness is very good advice indeed!
Beca :wave:
