Would FOB get full custody??

[Mommi2Be]

I live in the US. I'm concerned that the FOB would be able to completely take the baby from me. I am a good person, have a job, can support us, stay out of trouble, etc. However, he already has an attorney and I know he will fight me over this because he wants to hurt me any way he can.

I am afraid of my physical well-being, along with the well-being of the baby (I'm still pregnant). I've already had to call the police on him once because he was threatening and hostile, would not leave me residence, and took my cell phone from me so that I couldn't call the cops.

If anything, I'd be okay with him having supervised visits. Does anyone think he would be able to take the baby away completely though??

 

[aliss]

He would have to prove you completely unfit and that's damn near impossible to do. Document and report any threats or harassment from him to the police. In the US, when a child born to unmarried parents (I assume you are not married), the mother is the only one with custody. An infant born to unwed parents has only "one parent" (you didn't mention your state but that's in general). An example of him taking away your full custody would be if you tested positive for heroin in delivery... like I said, it's a very difficult thing to do. Have you spoken with any domestic violence support workers? I think that would be a good place to start if you cannot afford an attorney.

 

[bky]

I agree. US custody laws are very much slanted in the mother's favour. I've only ever met one father in the US that was able to get full custody from shortly after birth and that was because the mother was institutionalized (long story, but she was genuinely disturbed).

 

[Mommi2Be]

No, we are not married. He was in the process of a divorce, and after knowing I was pregnant he decided to get back together with her. Essentially, his plan is to take my baby and raise him with his wife.

 

[lal]

That is ridiculous. Don't tell him when you are having the baby. Don't list him on the birth certificate. Immediately file for temporary custody & child support with a DNA test(BREASTFEED! and that can be your reason). Any attorney that would even take his case is not a very good one, there's no way he can get full custody, unless like the others said, you were seriously unstable. I'd cut all contact with him. He and his wife are obviously trying to bully you. If you are breastfeeding the most likely outcome is he will have visits at your home for at least 3-4 months. And if he doesn't use those, keep track and they probably wouldn't increase it. And yes, get a copy of that police report and hold onto it; also record anything hostile (VM's, emails, texts, etc.).

 

[jocelynmarie]

Just read this from a site about unmarried mothers rights in the US...

Unmarried mothers rights refer to the primary or natural custodial rights of children born when she is not married.

This legal right extends to the custody, care, and control over the child. An unmarried mother has rights that are superior to those of the father or any other person. However these rights can be withdrawn by the court if it can be proved in a court of law that the mother is unfit or has abandoned the child.


Being that it doesn't sound like you're unfit at all, he maybe able to get visitation, but the chances of him getting sole custody are slim to none!

 

[Joesgirl]

I would agree to not list him on the birth certificate, do not tell him when the baby is born, and completely cut off contact with him or his wife. I do not agree, however, with filing for any support or dna testing. Let him be the one to do that. He will have to go through a lengthy process to prove himself to be the father of the baby. After he does that, then you can request child support. They can even back date it from birth. Do not do him any favors. Him and his wife taking your baby before this is done is the same as a stranger taking your baby. After the process and he is proven to be the father, they will EASE the baby into visitations. Short, frequent visitations that should include ONLY him. Not his wife. That will come with time after your baby bonds with him. I really feel for you. You are in a very, very hard situation. I agree they sound like big bullies. I'm sure his wife is a great motivator for his demeanor. Just focus on your baby for now and take things as they come. Do not panic, like I said, he can do nothing to you unless it is proven, by DNA testing ordered by a court of law, that he is the father. Take care hun, you're in my prayers. Unless you're an unfit mother, which I am sure you are not, that baby belongs with you, not him and his wife. If he wanted to have a baby with his wife, he should have had one with her, and not gotten you pregnant.

 

[Joesgirl]

Also, if he has threatened you in any way, I suggest you get a copy of that police report and file for a restraining order against him. If his wife harasses you in place of him, get one against her too. The judge will almost always sign the initial order if you say you are in fear for your safety. He is then served and has 30 days to contest the order. During this 30 days the order will be in effect. You will both plead your sides after that 30 days and the judge will make a decision if the order should stay in effect. Typically if signed, they are good for one year, although I have heard of them being up to 3 years. There will be a place on the petition for the restraining order for your children. I suggest you do not place the baby on the restraining order because what ever the judge decides right then and there about the baby, will be law. When I went through my divorce and custody battle, my baby was 5 months old (a very different situation than yours because I was married) and I got a restraining order right after I left him, before I filed for divorce. I listed my daughter on the restraining order too, trying to keep him away from her. The clerk took it back to the judge in chambers, he signed the order, but changed from no contact with the baby to OVERNIGHTS on the weekends! I was shocked. I ended up not serving the restraining order and my ex never even knew it existed. When we went through the actual custody battle, they made him go to supervised visits for months first before he ever got his first overnight when she was about 14 months old. Even then it was only one overnight and gradually increased. But if I had that order served on him, he would have had overnights from the beginning and it would have been horrible for her.

By the way, the judge that changed and signed that restraining order didn't give two $hits that I was breast feeding. He said, wean her.

 

[Statik]

I hate to tell people what I went through, but I will for you this one time. What I did is a huge secret, but I had no choice.

First, my advise...
Run like hell! Seriously, if you can move, do it asap. There is nothing wrong with hiding. DO NOT put him on the bc! Screw the child support, you and your baby are more important. If you can tell him you had a m/c or something.

The most dangerous time in a woman's life is when she is pregnant. More women are beaten and murdered when they are pregnant than any other time in their lives. It is a sad and very sick fact.

I got pregnant by a sob! He was horrible to say the least. I left him as soon as I found out what sort of person I found out he was. My only regret in life was telling him I was pregnant. So, I told him I cheated on him. A friend of mine went on the bc as my baby's father and a few other things were done to get a dna test. I cannot go into details. Still after this man believe he was not the sperm donor, he continued to stalk us. He had his new gf run her giant suv thing into my car. She tried to do a hit and run, but a cop pulled up right when she hit me. They followed me and tried to break into my house repeatedly. Thank God we had bars on the windows. The police told me that they could not do anything until he did something to me (killed me), and if I could to please move far away. They were very helpful and were always at my house within 3 minutes of me calling them.
Finally, I left state. My psycho tried to stalk me through family, but had no such luck. I found if you move enough and do not share your address, it gets really hard to be found, even with the net. I got a PO Box to use as my mailing address.
If I hadn't done this, my son, daughter, and I would all be dead. It was scary, and I was stalked in a total of 4 years. My situ may sound extreme, but your fob sounds scary, too.

Just run. You are not married, so he really has no rights until established in a court. Don't give him the chance.

 

[Mommi2Be]

Thank you everyone for your replies and help! It is a very difficult situation. It just hurts because I love this baby so, so much, and it sickens me to know he thinks he should be the one raising my baby.

Statik, I'm very sorry to hear about everything you went through! Thankfully, things have not escalated to that point for me, yet. I hope that they never do, but I am afraid of FOB and what he will try to do. He is a mean, nasty person. He had me fooled into believing he was so sweet and caring. But then the truth came out.

Again, thank you everyone for the support.

 

[Leah_xx]

He cant take your child unless he proves for you to be a unfit mother.
FOB tried doing this to me and guess what it back fired in his ass and he didnt end up taking me to court.
Guys dont realize we are the custodial parent of our child.
They can be awareded visitation unless they are proved to be unfit