would love home birth but husband says no :(

[mummymarsh]

as the title says.....

i think it would be amazing.....

after an amazing 1st labour and then the traumatic loss of our son in march i cant think of a nicer way than to have this baby at home.....

but steven doesnt want to be reminded of labour and the 'graphic' images imprinted on his mind everytime he walks into our bedroom

ive tried explaining all the pros but he isnt budging

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

My OH tried to 'say no' but I reminded him who was giving birth at the end of the day, yes his views matter a lot but if it is a choice of his favoured birth location or mine, then it is going to be mine! If he is saying no to a home birth, you can just as easily say no to a hospital birth.

 

[mummymarsh]

he said he will be waiting at hospital for me (light hearted joking conversation) i said me and your daughter and new baby will be waiting for you in bed to join us for snuggles lol....

i think he is also worried incase something goes wrong...

 

[Blah11]

Its you that is having the baby, not your OH What matters most is that YOU are comfortable in your surroundings.

 

[Waiting4bb]

I agree. You are the one who has to go through childbirth, not him. The thing is that childbirth is one of the most blessed things. Why wouldn't you want to do it at home? When he sees that little baby he won't be thinking of the mess, he will be thinking, WOW my amazing wife just had this baby in the most natural way God intended. How cool will that be?

 

[wigglywoo]

I'm afraid that I would tell him I'm having the baby at home and he has no choice! I'd give him research to read showing how safe it is do he could understand my reasons but it would be my choice. Luckily my DH just said ok so I didn't have to argue with him. It probably helped that his mum is a retired community midwife in an area with a high home birth rate so he wasn't fazed by my choice and agrees with everything I want.

 

[chuck]

My hubby said no.

I told him where to stick it.

Well not in so many words but he had no choice he wasnt doing it after all!

If he doesn't want the bedroom ;linked with the birth then give birth somewhere else, the bed isnt the best place to birth just because you tend to birth on a bed in the hospital.

Get a birth pool so then he doesn't have to see anything 'graphic' anyway!

Obviously if you want him on side they it may take some work. Get him to take a look at homebirth.org and read birth stories, immerse him in the positives -the best one being that homebirth is as safe as hospital and reduces the need for intervention & CS.

Contact your local NCT see if they have a HB info evening, I went to one and it was fab there were Dads there to speak to aswell as Mums and MW's.

 

[mummymarsh]

thanks ladies......

i have made him sound like a dragon which he isnt, but might start leaving print outs of that website around etc hahaha....

and birth pool is what i want whether its at home or hospital xxx

 

[PhoenixRising]

Well if you are using a pool you can't have it in the bedroom anyway (unless you have a bungalow) as they'll only allow them on the ground floor (weight issues).
Good Luck

 

[bassdesire]

I think you should have the home birth that you want and envision, but at the same time I disagree that it has nothing to do with your hubby. Just saying screw your opinions and thoughts seems unkind. Men aren't "pregnant" in the way that we are and they don't have to push out a baby, but they go through a lot during this journey as well.

I am sure you can come to a compromise and he'll probably give in. My hubby finally agreed and he didn't love the idea at first. It was important to me that we both want the birth experience at home. Just my opinion though. I think my hubby read Father's Guide to a Home Birth (I think that is the title) and you can get it on amazon and for an ereader...he liked that book a lot

Good Luck!

 

[Blah11]

I think you should have the home birth that you want and envision, but at the same time I disagree that it has nothing to do with your hubby. Just saying screw your opinions and thoughts seems unkind. Men aren't "pregnant" in the way that we are and they don't have to push out a baby, but they go through a lot during this journey as well.

I am sure you can come to a compromise and he'll probably give in. My hubby finally agreed and he didn't love the idea at first. It was important to me that we both want the birth experience at home. Just my opinion though. I think my hubby read Father's Guide to a Home Birth (I think that is the title) and you can get it on amazon and for an ereader...he liked that book a lot

Good Luck!

The actual act of childbirth isnt that important to the dad. Being there for their child being born is, but where/how the baby is born should 100% be down to the person who is giving birth. If shes not comfortable and relaxed it could lead to problems, interventions and the safety of both mother and child can be at risk

 

[bassdesire]

My husband totally disagrees with you. The birth is about two people and the comfort of my partner is important to me. Just as my comfort is important to him. We can disagree, though, no worries!

 

[madasa]

as the title says.....

i think it would be amazing.....

after an amazing 1st labour and then the traumatic loss of our son in march i cant think of a nicer way than to have this baby at home.....

but steven doesnt want to be reminded of labour and the 'graphic' images imprinted on his mind everytime he walks into our bedroom

ive tried explaining all the pros but he isnt budging

Why would the "graphic images" be so horrid to be reminded of?? This is the birth of his child, right?? Most people find it beautiful/awesom/miraculous, even it is graphic :/

1. You do not HAVE to give birth in the bedroom.

2. He doesn't HAVE to be in the room, or if he is, he doesn't have to LOOK! Honestly, men are EXPECTED to be in the room these days, and it's not ALWAYS a good thing. If birth is going to be so horrific for him to see, it might be worth re-considering, so that both of you can be comfortable? He can just stay out of the room and go in to see the baby as soon as s/he is born. In hospital, this would mean pacing up and down in the waiting room, sitting on uncomfortable chairs and spending all his change in the vending machine. At home there is food, drink, comfortable seating, probably a TV and games consoles to distract him while he waits, he can come and go as he pleases,, whatever. ?

3. Lots of women who birth at home do it in water, nothing "graphic" to see, just mum lifting baby out of the water to her chest.

4. Giving birth at home is generally easier than in hospital since you tend to be more relaxed. He doesn't want this to be harder than it has to be, right?

5. Just who is birthing this baby anyway??!

 

[madasa]

thanks ladies......

i have made him sound like a dragon which he isnt, but might start leaving print outs of that website around etc hahaha....

and birth pool is what i want whether its at home or hospital xxx

It depedns on your hospital, but my hospital is a bit rubbish for waterbirth. They seem to discourage it. There is only one pool, I think, maybe two, and they are often in use or "being cleaned" when a woman wants them. The only way to be sure of a waterbirth here is to do it at home, since it's basically down to luck whether if you get a waterbirth in hospital.

 

[ljo1984]

my OH wasnt keen on HB at all and i was planning an as natural as possible birth in hospital (we dont a birth centre here) then suddenly he just changed his mind so you never know. ultimatly if you have your heart set on a HB then he will have to support you! but if your happy for a hospital water birth (but bear in mind if they do have pools you may not get one! ) a compromise may be made. xx

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

My husband totally disagrees with you. The birth is about two people and the comfort of my partner is important to me. Just as my comfort is important to him. We can disagree, though, no worries!

The comfort of your partner can be IMPORTANT to you, of course. But if a woman wants a HB, and her partner wants a hospital birth, and a hospital birth is what is then chosen, then surely that is putting the partner's comfort actually AHEAD of the woman's comfort? That is what I fail to understand. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns, absolutely. But to place these ahead of your own wishes, no, especially as in this kind of 'disagreement' there is not really a compromise to be had.

 

[ljo1984]

My husband totally disagrees with you. The birth is about two people and the comfort of my partner is important to me. Just as my comfort is important to him. We can disagree, though, no worries!

The comfort of your partner can be IMPORTANT to you, of course. But if a woman wants a HB, and her partner wants a hospital birth, and a hospital birth is what is then chosen, then surely that is putting the partner's comfort actually AHEAD of the woman's comfort? That is what I fail to understand. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns, absolutely. But to place these ahead of your own wishes, no, especially as in this kind of 'disagreement' there is not really a compromise to be had.

not always, when DH was worried about having a HB and said he'd prefer hospital incase anything went wrong etc,i said i would of prefered home but i was happy to try natural in hospital and refusing induction etc was most important over where i had the baby due to experiences with pitocing with DD. if i had very very strong views on no way am i stepping in a hospital, fear of them etc then i'd of told him to get lost and im doing it my way. but i dont have a fear (i work in one lol) and was open to options so i was happy to compromise on going in but birthing my way, however turns out after i had my high risk for downs scan and all was ok he really mellowed out and has come round to the idea of HB and is now aware of the benifits, lower risks etc. but being in OP position i can see it from both sides as such.

 

[mummymarsh]

hi ladies.....

im going to keep on talking about it etc etc on hope he will loosen up....

he hated the name lilly to start with, well now my daughter is called lilly

i do want him to feel comfortable and that is important to me, but i truly feel he will be more comfortable at home..... with lilly he was very quiet and unsure of himself and at home he can leave, eat, drink, go toilet, have shower, whatever he wants....

his main issue is not really the 'graphic' reminder its more to do with "what if something goes wrong..... " he as no confidence since we lost our baby boy in march....

my hospital does have only the 1 pool and midwives have told me its great way so im confident that if its avaliable i will be able to use it, but like you say only gurantee is if i have one at home....

if i did have home/water birth i wouldnt be in bedroom, i would have it downstairs in living room..........

my ONLY ISSUE WITH HOME BIRTH IS................... i have a mother who will be at mine to babysit (she lives 3 hours away) so she will be staying at mine meaning my dad and possibly my youngest brother will be here too.... i dont want them present lol..... cant see how i will get round that one?????

 

[chuck]

Tell them to leave the room! Simple your birth tell them not to intrude if its night time they'll be in bed, if it's the day send them out!

My Mum was around to help with my toddelr I told her sorry but if I tell you to leave please do it!!

 

[ljo1984]

well if your labouring throught the day you can ask them to leave when your wanting the privacy, they could take you little girl out for the day, take her upstairs to play etc. if its over night they will be asleep so wont have to worry about that. even though they will be guests at your house im sure they'd be happy enough to respect your choices and im sure your dad and little brother inparticular wont want to be there anyway ha ha!!

my OH was worried about HB because of us loosing our first baby although was end first tri not second like your LO, but then with imogens birth being so traumatic that made him even worse about it, but after giving him the info etc he changed his mide, was out of the blue but a nice suprise. and he will be more comfortable at home, if its getting too much he can escape etc where as at hosptial your stuck in that one room.