Would this upset you?

[Tammy77]

Oh and if they insist in coming, go buy a lock for your bedroom door and a second air mattress so they have somewhere to sleep. Your room is extremely private and you don't know this person at all!

 

[DandJ]

Go buy a couple of new litter pans, put out a bunch of bowls of food and water. Find a friend you trust to give a key and have them pop in every 3-4 days to make sure nothing crazy has happened. That's what we do an the cats are fine! They don't need people to chat with and play like dogs, at least not for that short of a time!

This is what my DH and I do too - our MIL stops by every other day to check on our cat.

babyzoe~ I do not think you were spiteful at all! Honestly, I think you would have handled it better than I would! How rude of them to invite themselves over without consulting you two first - I would be very livid. I would also confront your MIL expressing how you feel and ask her how SHE would feel in the same situation. Besides, I am a germophobic so I would feel so GROSS knowing someone I barely knew slept in MY bed, especially that large to make impressions on my expensive pillow top bed. With you 100%!

 

[tuesdaysbaby]

This totally irks me too... Completely unacceptable and rude to offer your home and private space to people you don't really know. I know some people think it's just a bed but it's more than that, it's private space. I also take issue with the fact they didn't come to your wedding, don't talk to you and then are happy to sleep in your bed when you are away? Weird. I'd never do this. I like the idea about the lock, I immediately thought of this actually probably sounds extreme but hey, so is inviting people to sleep in and use your home as a motel!

 

[spicyorange]

if it botrhers you cant you buyu a matress topper/protector - they are like a washable extra sheet (but thicker) that will protect it from sweat etc. i dont think tehere is much you can do about the potential dip in your matress but it doesnt sound like a great amtress if it is damaged by someone sleeping on it!

 

[Button#]

I'd say if this guy sleeps in your bed and ruins your mattress your OH owes you a new mattress.

 

[bornthiswayxo]

I'd say if this guy sleeps in your bed and ruins your mattress your OH owes you a new mattress.

LOL this is what I'd be like!

I personally wouldn't like some random person/people in my bed either. I can completely understand where you're coming from, OP.

 

[Emiloo]

Both OH and I would be funny about someone else sleeping in our bed... Plus I would be pissed if he arranged it without asking me first!

 

[babyzoe]

if it botrhers you cant you buyu a matress topper/protector - they are like a washable extra sheet (but thicker) that will protect it from sweat etc. i dont think tehere is much you can do about the potential dip in your matress but it doesnt sound like a great amtress if it is damaged by someone sleeping on it!

I have considered getting a mattress cover...but then it all comes back to the principle of the fact and my mattress. it's not the mattress is bad...but at a certain point, even the best top of the line mattress won't perform well under overly-excessive weights.

i would totally lock my door if the shower weren't in there...we have another bathroom, but the litter box is in that shower....actually, I guess I can take it out and lock my bathroom....good idea girls! I also thought about putting a note IN the bed along the lines of "if you name is not MIL, there is a brand new air mattress with your name on it elsewhere"...but that's just mean and I decided against that.

I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that they just flake out like they always do...then this would all just be a non-issue. before my FIL passed away, this uncle didn't visit MIL for over FIVE years..after he passed they came down for the memorial and haven't visited since...that was 3 years ago.

but yea...I'm glad to know I'm not the only one bothered by this. it's just wrong on so many levels. I'm half inclined to tell them to stay at the embassy suites two blocks away.

 

[Tigerlily01]

Ugh, yeah. This would bother me. Nobody sleeps in my bed except me and OH. Family can sleep on the floor or stay in a hotel. If you don't see them that often, I wouldn't worry too much about offending them. I'd just tell MIL you aren't ok with them staying there while you're out of town, and let her sort it out, since she's the one who invited them. And get a lock on the door, lol!

 

[lovetocruise]

What tigerlily said^

Tell your mil you are not comfortable with almost strangers staying at your home when you are not there. She had no right to invite them without discussing it with you first.

 

[babyzoe]

Ugh...i'm stressing out. Today is the day that I get to bring up my decision to the DH. He is NOT going to be happy. I just know it's going to turn into this huge fight, but if I stay quiet about it then I'm going to end up resenting DH, MIL, and the uncle. I just keep telling myself. It's my house and I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in my own home. If bridges are burned because I refuse to be taken advantage of, then so be it. She never asked me before inviting these people, and had she taken the time to get my take on it, I would have told her up front that that's not a good idea. It's funny how the tables are turned though...I was just thinking how a few Christmas's ago, she invited my mother over to celebrate the holiday with that side of the family, but when DH's sisters found out they flipped their shiite. So MIL made me go to my mom and take back the invitation. I can't tell you how much it sucked to say, yea, you know how they invited you...well, sorry, they don't want you there after all. So I don't have any sympathy for the conversation that MIL is going to have to have with her brother.

But...because I'm a nice person, I'm not going to tell them that they can't stay. I'm going to express how rude it was, and that next time, they should include the people who actually pay the bills before making decisions like these. Then I'm gonna tell them that as a compromise, they can stay, but they're not sleeping on my bed. They'll sleep on an air mattress in the office, and if they don't like it there's a hotel down the road.

OMG it's just making me mad talking about it again. I mean, it's not like they're coming to visit us. That might be a different story... but they're not. They're coming to visit MIL bc they're too -- whatever -- to visit MIL at her own damn house..or vice versa. These are two adults capable of travelling on their own so why they're looking for a free ride while I'm away is frickin beyond me.

Ok...my rant is over. Thanks everyone for hearing me out...again.

 

[lovetocruise]

I think you made a very wise decision. Crossing my fingers the conversation goes well for you!

 

[babyzoe]

yeeeaaaa...so I chickened out last night. I didn't want to start a fight so I didn't bring it up. Instead I sent him an email this morning. that way I can get out everything I wanted to say without him interrupting me and go from there. it also gives him time to digest and cool down before we actually talk face to face.

total "new-relationship-move" right there...right alongside dumping someone by text.

 

[MariposaTam]

I know how you feel. I hate starting fights too. But hey, even if its online communication, its better than holding a grudge and keeping it inside because those things eventually come up. Communication is still communication regardless of how its done lol. I hope everything went well...I think you were justified in your reactions.

 

[Amalee]

It doesn't matter how well you know the person, their size or shape... I think it's really rude to invite anyone into the house to stay without checking with everyone who lives there! Even if you were perfectly okay with the people and knew them well, I think your OH should have run it by you before giving anyone the OK.

How did he take it?

 

[babyzoe]

funny story actually....

so I sent the email and said don't read till lunch. we kept texting throughout the day and he was being neutral, happy even. So i started joking about this being the "calm before the storm" and how he probably had a hatchet in his trunk because I was so difficult to deal with. LOL. so when I left for the day, I called his sister to talk about another issue and stayed on the phone for the entire ride home (DH and I drove home together). it wasn't until I got off the phone that DH told me he got a promotion at work and he was very excited about it. needless to say, my email was the last thing on his mind...it's been 3 days and we still haven't talked about it really. but...on the positive side, if he didn't agree with me, he would have flat out said so, so I'm counting it as a win.

I told MY mom about this whole shenanigan and she was livid! haha. she said I shouldn't even be compromising and said that if I do it will end badly. I know she's probably right but....pick your battles, right?

 

[babyzoe]

and for the final conclusion of this epic battle!!

DH and I talked about it more and almost got into a fight. I finally just said "you know what...it's your family, you decide how to handle it. but know that if ANYTHING goes wrong, I will NEVER let you or your mom or your uncle live it down for the rest of your natural life". and then I walked out of the room. I didn't bring it up for a day or two after that and then just last night, DH said he talked with his mom and expressed how I felt about the situation. So...as stands...MIL's brother will be bringing his own air mattress to sleep on.

Once this is over, I don't want to invite MIL to house sit again. She really just killed my trust in her and I don't ever want to be in this situation again. She can come over while we're there but not if we're planning to go on another trip. I'll shell out the dollars for a pet sitter and be done with it.

 

[Amalee]

I think that's totally valid. I mean, it's one thing to be holed up in someone's house and invite some one over to watch a movie, or for dinner or whatever, but it takes some brass balls to invite someone to stay over!

I'm glad it's worked out though, and I hope your OH really understands where you were coming from!

 

[babyzoe]

My thoughts exactly amalee

 

[MariposaTam]

Glad they won't be staying in your room and bed... I was with you 100% that was just rude of your MIL and of your OH not to mention it to you before just shrugging it off. I hope it all turns out ok for you.