WTT. I need advice, I want a baby but new relationship.

[Fayefaye123]

Hi girls, basically I need advice. I've only been with my partner for 6 months and I know he would love kids but we know it's too soon. I'm on the pill and I always want it to mess up because I would love to have a baby with him. Evrey month I pray the rest shows 2 lines but there's only ever 1 and it makes me want to accidentally on purpose Miss a pill. Advice please 🙋🏼 I always get paranoid evrey month thinking I'm pregnant even though I know I'm not and can't be.

 

[karoolia]

It sounds like you already know the answer here. You both need to be ready. Accidents happen, but you shouldn't purposely have a baby with your partner if he isn't ready.

That said, for some people 6 months wouldn't be too soon, for others 3 years would be too soon. You should have a conversation with him and figure out what you both want. If having that conversation scares you then that is probably a sign you aren't quite ready. Good luck!

 

[Fayefaye123]

Thankyou xx

 

[odd_socks]

I have to say it I've been there and felt exactly the same. But I know I couldn't have lived with knowing I'd "trapped" him into having a baby before he felt ready.
Trust me I've been waiting 8 years and it kills me every month when my AF arrives.
Maybe speak with your OH and see if he has a time frame in mind? Maybe focusing on that will help you feel less bad about AF showing up

 

[amotherslove]

if you KNOW its too soon, dont go there... but maybe this is worth discussing with him. it really depends on the couple what "too soon" is.

i've been where you are in the past. i made the awful decision to "miss" a dose and i got pregnant and it went horribly. i believed he would stay, i believed he would love us. our relationship was magical and never bad... but this changed my life. and when i miscarried it tore my life apart. i was alone, because i made this decsion alone.

to be WITH someone, you need to make the decision WITH them. i wouldn't change my decisions because that would mean erasing the baby i loved... but i want so much to tell other that this is NOT the way. express your feelings, its okay to want this. its not okay to go ahead and do it sneakily.

 

[LaylitaGypsie]

I'm currently in the same boat.

I want a baby so badly, but OH wants to wait...potentially 5 years. We've been together almost a year. im almost 26...he's almost 24. He has a good job as an apprentice electrician....will get a pay increase once hes registered (less than a month away if he does the paperwork).

However... with my endo, chances of me conceiving in 5 years isnt very good. Not impossible, but unlikely. Which, of course, has my biological clock ticking madly away.
I'd always figured id be pregnant by 25, solo mom by choice (before OH i was very much into women). but now everything has changed. OH say he doesnt mind if i never get pregnant. he wants kids, but feels its too soon, that if we started now, it would ultimately ruin what we have. He says we could adopt or get a surrogate if needed, but it wouldnt be the same. While id still love the child and be over joyed to be a mother, I want the whole experience. Pregnancy, breast feeding, raising the child.

As much as i WANT to skip my pills (i KNOW OH doesn't check), i know doing so would be wrong. It would remove his trust...kill our relationship. He would stick by our child...but i would lose him...and i dont want that. As I'm sure you wouldnt want to lose your OH.

Talk to him. while he may not be ready now...he may have a timeframe. something you can work towards.

 

[cb86]

I think it's wrong to miss pills. It really isn't right in my opinion- a baby should be wanted and planned by both parties (if one specifically says no/not yet, to me it's absolutely wrong to go ahead anyway.

I think that If a partner I was with didn't want kids or at least didn't want them within a timeframe I could accept I'd question how much I wanted my relationship

I would talk to him about it- but ultimately has to be a decision you're both happy with. I made clear from the outset of my relationship (thatsnnow a 4 year marriage) I wanted kids without having to wait years- if my now husband hadn't felt the same I wouldn't have continued as it was too bigger life choice to compromise on