Hi Girls ...
Yep, guess it's my turn... I am feeling overwhelmed today ..
I almost feel weird or guilty for being dumpy on y'all today tho...
Alright, just a few things.... First, I realize I am depressed... I know I am but I don't know what else to do... I have tried a few different therapists & counselors... They didn't help, gave me medications to try and do NOT like that approach, yes they helped but I don't wanna just put a band-aid on it, I want it fixed and like now...
Another issue I notice I am having and I know it all ties into being depressed but just wondered if you girls feel the same or felt this way.... I have completely pushed everyone out of my life, everyone but Bill and my kids... I don't wanna see any of my extended family or none of my friends anymore.. Of course, when someone just finally shows up, I put on a smile and do pretty good but man, it's HARD! I don't have the energy or the "want to" to deal with everyone and their issues or drama, I am always their listener, their fixer, their Kelly... I can't do it anymore... I don't want to.. They are always after me trying to get me out of the house, even if for dinner, or them come over for a quick visit... I don't wanna... Am I alone on this one?? If you used to do this of feel like this, How do you make this stop??? I have lost so many good friends over this, they ran out of patience I guess...
I do have a few friends that have persistantly stuck it out and wait for me to poke my head out occationally and it's very rare.... but even them at times I can't take ... I feel horrible for feeling this way... hate it... I feel more guilty for doing this to them but I just can't take it, when I first lost Emma I tried like heck to act the same, for their sakes, but I can't anymore....
I have a friend that was pretty pushy at first but thank god she has relaxed a bit BUT she was telling me a story about how she knows another person how recently lost her baby too so we was talking about that and my heart immediately went out for THAT mother and I told her about THIS SITE and told my friend to give this website to her other friend... Well.... She called me the other night and said she, herself, went to the website to check it out and said she found me!!! I didn't know how to take that... I kind of felt icky about it, like invaded on... So, now everytime I log in or start to type something I wonder who all in my RL looks me up on here to see how I'm really doing... Cuz here I can be ME.... In my RL I never talk to anyone anymore, not even Bill... I just act like I'm doing great..... So, anyways, back to my friend that found me here... I don't know if I should say something to her or not... I don't like the idea of her logging in just to be nosy or to read my feelings just so she knows how I'm doing... I kind of feel if I want her to know I'd tell her... I dont' know... I love her to death just don't know how I feel about that either .... Wish I could change me username and stay semi hidden...
I dunno ladies.... Someone once said to me that the only people that I will allow in my life is someone who has lost their baby.... Well, yea, I think she nailed it right on the head... I don't have to be who they want me to be, I can just be me and they are fine with it , is what I told her...
{TMI} I am fixing to have my wonderful monthly visit, my period, so maybe this is where all this is coming from now, I don't know... Maybe it's I'm dying cuz the cemetery is giving me crap... I dunno... I feel like everyone in my RL is pulling at me to be in 100 different directions and to be there for THEM but UGHhhh.... I just don't know ...
Thanks so much friends ....
Yep, guess it's my turn... I am feeling overwhelmed today ..
I almost feel weird or guilty for being dumpy on y'all today tho...
Alright, just a few things.... First, I realize I am depressed... I know I am but I don't know what else to do... I have tried a few different therapists & counselors... They didn't help, gave me medications to try and do NOT like that approach, yes they helped but I don't wanna just put a band-aid on it, I want it fixed and like now...
Another issue I notice I am having and I know it all ties into being depressed but just wondered if you girls feel the same or felt this way.... I have completely pushed everyone out of my life, everyone but Bill and my kids... I don't wanna see any of my extended family or none of my friends anymore.. Of course, when someone just finally shows up, I put on a smile and do pretty good but man, it's HARD! I don't have the energy or the "want to" to deal with everyone and their issues or drama, I am always their listener, their fixer, their Kelly... I can't do it anymore... I don't want to.. They are always after me trying to get me out of the house, even if for dinner, or them come over for a quick visit... I don't wanna... Am I alone on this one?? If you used to do this of feel like this, How do you make this stop??? I have lost so many good friends over this, they ran out of patience I guess...
I do have a few friends that have persistantly stuck it out and wait for me to poke my head out occationally and it's very rare.... but even them at times I can't take ... I feel horrible for feeling this way... hate it... I feel more guilty for doing this to them but I just can't take it, when I first lost Emma I tried like heck to act the same, for their sakes, but I can't anymore....
I have a friend that was pretty pushy at first but thank god she has relaxed a bit BUT she was telling me a story about how she knows another person how recently lost her baby too so we was talking about that and my heart immediately went out for THAT mother and I told her about THIS SITE and told my friend to give this website to her other friend... Well.... She called me the other night and said she, herself, went to the website to check it out and said she found me!!! I didn't know how to take that... I kind of felt icky about it, like invaded on... So, now everytime I log in or start to type something I wonder who all in my RL looks me up on here to see how I'm really doing... Cuz here I can be ME.... In my RL I never talk to anyone anymore, not even Bill... I just act like I'm doing great..... So, anyways, back to my friend that found me here... I don't know if I should say something to her or not... I don't like the idea of her logging in just to be nosy or to read my feelings just so she knows how I'm doing... I kind of feel if I want her to know I'd tell her... I dont' know... I love her to death just don't know how I feel about that either .... Wish I could change me username and stay semi hidden...
I dunno ladies.... Someone once said to me that the only people that I will allow in my life is someone who has lost their baby.... Well, yea, I think she nailed it right on the head... I don't have to be who they want me to be, I can just be me and they are fine with it , is what I told her...
{TMI} I am fixing to have my wonderful monthly visit, my period, so maybe this is where all this is coming from now, I don't know... Maybe it's I'm dying cuz the cemetery is giving me crap... I dunno... I feel like everyone in my RL is pulling at me to be in 100 different directions and to be there for THEM but UGHhhh.... I just don't know ...
Thanks so much friends ....