"You'll understand when you have kids"

[JillieBean]

Do phrases like this annoy anybody else?
A friend's husband said this to me today, and he knows full well I've had several miscarriages.
I'm a little emotional and irritable today to begin with, but that really pissed me off!

What things to people say to you that really get to you?

 

[Angelbaby_01]

It made me mad as well in the beginning.

But the thing that gets me "you're still young and will have plenty of babies" or "it happened for a reason, maybe now wasn't the right time".

 

[JillieBean]

It made me mad as well in the beginning.

But the thing that gets me "you're still young and will have plenty of babies" or "it happened for a reason, maybe now wasn't the right time".

I hate that one too!!!!

 

[Starry Night]

Yeah, the "there was a reason it happened" or "it wasn't God's time" piss me off too. So why did He let me get pregnant in the first place?

I can see why parents would say "you won't understand until you have kids" as it is a unique experience (among many) but it is a very patronizing comment and definitely should not be said to someone who has lost children. It shouldn't be said to anyone who is childless as you don't know why they are (heck, even unwanted singleness can be an obstacle to fulfilling dreams of motherhood...I know lots of single girls who are dying to be mothers one day but can't find a FOB).

Even if certain comments are true (ie. "there was something wrong with your baby") the person saying it can't know that for sure and it's just not nice to say to a grieving parent. blah. People suck sometimes.

I'm sorry you ladies are having a tough time.

 

[yellowhaze]

Since last Jan when I miscarried! I have dealt with all sorts of comments that have got me down ... Seems to be common occurrence post loss because people just don't understand, I wish I didn't understand but unfortunately when you do, you get no comfort from 'it wasn't the right time', or ' it will happen when it's meant to, or when you're relaxed and not expecting it' - I have found no solution to coping with it other than to not bring it up, but I have found myself not getting angry with people for it most of the time, because I suppose they don't know better.