young mums who have had miscarridge help :(

[Gab18]

im 18 years old and miscarried on 29th june and it wasnt a planned pregnancy but i was so devasted. My mum and dad have given me a hard time since i got pregnant my dad said he hoped i have a miscarridge and i did a few weeks later when i had my 13 week scan was a silent miscarridge i just feel awful i cry on my own all the time nobody understands my mum says i need to move on and get over it i cant bring it up for the rest of my life what they said blah blah blah. my boyfriends sister is pregnant (she was 5 days before me) and its so hard when she comes round with her bump and showing me her scan pics talking about the baby all the time and everything shes bought and she was scared it was going to happen to her..

i just cant get it out of my head i feell i wont be happy until im pregnant again

 

[EmmaRea]

First off, I am sorry for your loss. It hurts like hell. I understand.
After my miscarriage, I felt very lost and alone. It got worse when I was actually alone. And I know how you feel, about thinking you won't feel whole until you're pregnant again. To be brutally honest, I haven't figured out how to feel whole yet.
I understand the feeling of needing to be pregnant again right away. If you are in a good position to raise a child, then the decision is yours. And by position, I don't exactly mean financially, although that's important, too. I mean, make sure it is what you and your boyfriend want before you conceive again. Having a baby is a great, great thing. If you discuss this with your boyfriend and come to a decision as two informed, responsible adults, then have a ball! But there is absolutely no shame in waiting, either. You are a mother now, and nothing will change that. Best of luck to you. I hope everything works out for the best for you and your boyfriend. A miscarriage and the devastation is a hard burden to bare at such a young age.

 

[dannii90]

Hi it was my 21st birthday I got told ther was no heartbeat an myn an my fiances baby had sadly past I had a silent miscarriage I opted for th natural miscarriage as I thought my baby wud leave me wen he/she was ready I no th pain ur goin thru. We have decided 2 try again bcus Thts wat is tht 4 us my parents r supportive however his aren't thy dnt lik me thy think I'm ruining his life so I no wher ur cumin frm with tht aspect aswel if u need sum1 2 tlk.2 let me no. Bt trust me th pain gets easier 2 deal wit I can tlk bout my loss without cryin an it reli helped tlkin 2 th girls on here an people who av gone thru wat u r. It makes me feel better knowing I got 2 spend 9wks with my baby inside me an my baby is watchin me frm heaven my lil angel il always b a mum il never forget my 1st baby xxxx

 

[silentlullaby]

so sorry for your loss.

Im 19 and lost my first child to an ectopic back in april... my girlfriend was only a week or two ahead of me in her pregnancy so it is so hard watching her go through all of her stuff.

B&B is an amazing place to come and chat... helped me so much.

xo

 

[BettyBump]

I understand what you are going through to some extent. I am 22 and my OH 21 and we lost our unplanned but much wanted baby through a silent miscarriage. Even though it was an 'early' miscarriage we still loved it and wanted it. My parents were very supportive and wanted to be grandparents so desperately once we all got used to the idea, but not everyone has been supportive. Saying that he hoped you have a miscarriage is a horrendous thing to say, but to play devils advocate people don't always know what to say and say things under stress that they don't really mean. I cry all the time and this happened to me 2 months ago, the pain lessens a little with time and I honestly believe that time is the only healer. Nothing anyone says or does can make you feel better as I'm sure the only person you want right now is your baby, but the main thing that comforts me when I get down is that your body is not the enemy for getting rid of the baby - it knows what it is doing and obviously something must have been wrong with the baby, something so terrible that it would be crueller for that child to live rather than die. How can we pity a person that has only ever experienced it's mothers' love rather than any pain or suffering? If you think like that you know when you are sad you are sad for yourself and for me it makes it easier to deal with.


P.S - I am waiting to try again and we are busying ourselves preparing by saving money, getting healthier, getting the house and garden sorted so we don't have to bother with that kind of thing when we a baby comes, trying to make our lives less stressful, getting a joint bank account and considering setting up wills. This is mainly as we are not married and want our child to be looked after in case something horrible happens to one of us. This has filled the void a little as we feel like we are helping the baby that we will have next time - to help make sure it has the best we can provide.

I hope this helps x

 

[jorja]

Hi hunnie I feel your pain! I'm 18, nearly 19 & have a one year old son with my boyfriend and recently got pregnant.. Unplanned but still so exciting & sadly miscarried! People just say oh your young you can have another or it's probably for the best! But no it's not! You can be a fantastic mum at any age and I know that because I am a great mum to my son and he's the happiest one and a half year old I've ever seen! Let yourself grieve and make a descision based on what you want to do and not what people will think! Those who love you will stand by you no matter what! Best of luck with everything xx

 

[Gab18]

Thanks everyone just finding it really hard because i just found out my boyfriends sister is pregnant thats 2 of his sisters now due around the same time as i was. People just keep telling me i need to move on and deal with it? But i cant things just seem to be getting worse xx

 

[3Doglover]

I completly understand what you are going through, and the people that are telling you to "move on and get over it" obviously don't. It will take some time for you to heal. With my first miscarriage, my cousin found out she was pregnant right before I did, so we would have been really close in our pregnancies and due dates, well now she is due in 8 weeks and I'm going through my 2nd miscarriage and it totally sucks! Just be strong and come vent on BNB when you need too because we are here and most of us have gone through the same thing you are feeling now. Hang in there!