You're doing it all wrong!

[rustyswife828]

Ok this is a rant!!!

I was at work today and I was talking to one of my friends about starting on clomid and she was really excited for me. I have PCOS so I've been on a low carb lifestyle and I've lost 42lbs. I'm not underweight for my height but I get comments from all kind of girls that I look too skinny and ask if I eat. Then I explain my PCOS and changing my diet to help me have a baby and a healthy pregnancy.

So I was talking to my friend and this girl comes up and butts in on our conversation. She said when she first saw me that she thought I didn't eat so I was explained to her about the low carb and PCOS and she said "honey you've got this all wrong and twisted! You shouldn't stress and eat healthy just cause you want to have a baby. A baby will come when it's time for you......It wouldn't be fair for the baby when you're stressed out! I think you can just eat whatever you want and if it's time for you to have a baby then you'll get pregnant. It doesn't matter if you've been with your OH for 6 months or 7 or 20 years!"

Seriously.. I wanted to punch her!! Clearly she didn't understand of why I'm on this lifestyle change!!!!!! I explained it to you and you hit me with the "if it's meant to be it'll be meant to be! Apparently you don't know struggle with infertility! You get pregnant back to back!!!! (Didn't say that but wanted too!)

Anyone else have this kind of frustration with people!

 

[stefdan]

I heard you! A lot of people think infertility is just a problem of unable to pregnant. They didn't experience infertility, so they would never know what we've been through, the struggles, frustration, sadness, anger, and pressure.

 

[Spyrals]

Yup, all the time! I am 35 and my dh is 45 and we're TTC#1. The couple of women I told, one of them said "don't worry about it just relax and it will come". Yes maybe it's true for some couples who are healthy and don't have to plan anything. My dh is having heart issues so we really can't bd all month long. It's not like I'm going to go into detail and explain that though. Of course all this "advice" comes from a woman who has 5 kids.. Yes, not kidding! 5! I think what happens is that they get so wrapped up in themselves getting pregnant and having babies so easily they can't imagine it any other way. And they've never experienced the disappointment of trying to have a child and not succeeding. You talk to anyone who tried unsuccessfully for a few months and they will never say that to you. They will come out with their own advice on how to improve your chances That's what these forums are for, lots of understanding souls
Oh - another thing I hear from women who don't have kids and don't want any or don't care (I'm talking single ladies in their 30s): "is it the end of the world if you never have kids?" I just want to scream, yes yes it is! They just don't get it and it's frustrating too. So I have to pretend like it's not a big deal if I can't get pregnant with these ladies, so annoying. So I feel your pain! It's sort of the same if you're overweight and struggled with being chubby all your life (because I love food! lol) and for someone who's indifferent to food and always been thin they just judge you and have no compassion or desire to understand. Stupidest thing too - I have this friend who recently lost 45 pounds and now she's skinny. She judges other women SO hard when it comes to being chubby - I just want to punch her in the face. )

 

[beckie1991]

Ohhhhh this is a huge bug bare of mine!!! Im 24 and my OH is 34 and we have been trying for a baby for 2 year. Now i have 2 children from my previous marriage and he has a son from his previous marriage ...... We have none together.... we have tried for 2 year with no luck then he got his sperm tested earlier this year and he was diagnosed with secondary infertility, which is infertility after already having children. And the amount of mostly lasses i have spoken to who i work with who will say 'ahh but you's already have 3 so what difference does it make having another one' like who on earth put 50p in you! It matters because we want it, so i compare my experience with something they want so my friend already has a car ok and she wants a newer car, so shes working all hours to save up the money to get one, so i had said well u have a car which works fine yet you want another one so why is that different to me and my OH wanting a baby....... And yes she was stunned cos apparently a wanting a car and wanting a baby are different..... Well she totally missed the point i was trying to make. I ended up crying in the toilets on my shift at work because her words had hurt me that much.

Another person who has lost 2 babies before then said to me, 'it just obv isnt meant to be........' right now anyone who is trying for a baby or who has lost one knows how hard it is and for her to have lost one (one at 24 weeks) i wouldve thought her of all people wouldve known exactly what im going through. Clearly not!

Lastly we are trying out medication to see if his sperm count will return at all even just 1 single sperm and we could go for IVF or something and it is costing us an absolute fortune a month, so i was talking with someone (whos also trying fro a baby) and she was like oh well just do it for a little bit and if it doesnt work just accept that you cant have one. This is a lass who has cried coming in to work cos her first month trying for a baby AF came! At this point i am about to blow my top.

Is it just me that is taking these situations in the wrong way or are these people just totally deluded!

Sorry for ranting i am now also crying as i am so furious!
Beckie xxx

 

[beckie1991]

Thank you both for sharing your experiences I wish you both luck in the future.

Beckie x

 

[callmedan]

how annoying! grrr some people just make me so mad, you were kind and honest enough to explain your reasoning and whats going on and she hits back with that!
forget her, your doing your best for your future babies!
good luck xx

 

[Angel022605]

First off the co worker who butted in is not a Dr. Second of all who gives her the power and right to tell you what to do?? If your Dr told you that clomid and a diet change is what you need then follow what your Dr said. She had no right to do that to you much less butt in the conversation. She should have asked for a little backstory before jumping to conclusions and being so judgmental. How rude of her!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Wow... what an awful thing for someone to say. I would be angry too. Although I haven't had PCOS I have had several losses and nobody understands everything you go through to try to have a healthy baby. Another thing I can relate to is that I cannot stand when people talk about my size. I'm also skinny and get hurtful comments such as "you need to eat more" blah blah blah. These ignorant people should try to step in another person's shoes and see what all they've been through before they make rude comments. Seriously! Why does everyone have to be so judgmental?

 

[Aayla]

I am also flabergasted with how many insensitive people there out there. And people you would think know better. I have been sharing my infertility journey on facebook for 5 years. Everyone knows everything. But I still had my cousin constantly telling me not to stress about and that after 12 months of ttc they just decided to not chart or stress about it, she got a hobby and then got pregnant. The whole, it will happen when it happens schpiel. Umm..I'm infertile. I literally cannot ovulate without fertility drugs. But it's like they don't pay attention.

Move on to my miscarriage that i just recently had. My sister who has had many kept telling me "at least you can get pregnant" yeah..because that's a comfort. but the worst..the absolute worst was my dad. He said that I wasn't really pregant because true pregnancy doesn't really happen until after the cut off where I can make the choice to abort.

I really don't understand. I get where some of their intentions lie but can they not think about what they are saying and how that may sound to us?

 

[beckie1991]

Its awful to actually see how many people are so insensitive and who really cant just use their brains before making a comment on someone elses life x

 

[rustyswife828]

Thank you ladies for sharing your awful experiences with ignorant people! She did tell me oh honey you don't want kids! I'm standing there thinking... How do you know what I want? Apparently if you didn't want kids you could've kept your legs closed! She's not even married.. She just goes out and has fun and "gets pregnant"

Ugh they make me sick! Apparently she has a lot of baby daddies..

 

[Justme43]

I am reading your posts and my mouth just dropped. I can not imagine how insensitive people who do not have a clue can be. It is really really sad.

Thank GOD for all of you and forums like this. If nothing else, WE UNDERSTAND!!!!