“He’s Just Not That Into This Baby” .yet?

[BeesKnees]

This is my first pregnancy. It’s the 2nd child for my OH but he was not invited to be a part of the pregnancy and/or birth of his first. He says he is happy and sometimes, usually after a couple beers, he actually shows excitement for the baby but on a day to day basis he doesn’t show much interest or is not that supportive.

The biggest problem has come with me moving into his house. He has hardly helped me pack and move. He will carry in boxes from my car if I ask but he doesn’t volunteer any help, even after I have told him about my pregnancy exhaustion. He certainly isn’t the doting type and a lot of times he is just downright ignorant, purposefully disagreeable and unhelpful. I guess I have seen too many movies where the daddy-to-be is all excited and eager to help the dear woman who is carrying his child. If I said, “I’m hungry for ice cream.” The kind of response I would get would be, “We don’t have any in the house.”

I have tried to get him excited for this baby. I keep him updated on its approximate size, what is developing on a weekly basis, gave him a list of all the Dr. appointments thus far and even bought a baby beanie that looks like a football. He wants to come to every appointment as long as it doesn’t interfere with a certain element of his job. It’s almost as if he just can wrap his mind around the fact I am actually pregnant.

Do you think it will really sink in for him once I have an ultra-sound? Perhaps when I start showing? I am 8+4 now. I feel like I really need his support because we have not announced the pregnancy to everyone yet. I have always been a fiercely independent woman but just for once I would like to sit back and be taken care of, just once in a while, especially after a long day.

 

[hawalkden]

i had the same problem at the beginning...

OH wouldnt want to know anything about the size or what it was etc.. we're 23 weeks now and he's just about looking up for the xbox when i say it's got this and that at the stage we're at now..

when it comes to material stuff like chosing a pram etc he's totally un intrested and just doesnt care but if i went and bought a baby grow he'd go mad for me spending the money..

only when he's had a few drinks he'll hold the small bump we're getting and says he's nervous and exited etc..

but that soon fades when he goes to bed or something is on the telly for him to watch!

Scans he was amazed at it was unreal and everyone we've had (I have a few extra due to pre-excisting diabetes) he's amazed by them

I hope it changed before D-day comes and he's up to the emotional challenge

hope your OH changes too x

 

[BeesKnees]

only when he's had a few drinks he'll hold the small bump we're getting and says he's nervous and exited etc..

but that soon fades when he goes to bed or something is on the telly for him to watch!

I am going to invest in a lot of beer. Keep him buzzed up all the time. Then he will wait on me hand a foot.

 

[citymouse]

I think that's pretty typical, actually. If I said to my DH, "I want some ice cream," he would say, "You don't need ice cream. Wait twenty minutes and see if you're still hungry." (Gah!)

We just had an ultrasound and I must say, DH was about to lose his mind, since my doctor had two deliveries that morning and was running more than two hours late! But as soon as we saw the little baby on the screen he calmed right down.

But there's that saying: a woman becomes a mother when she gets a positive pregnancy test. A man becomes a father when he holds the baby in his arms. So I wouldn't worry! But I would let him know that you need a little more help in general.

 

[hawalkden]

But there's that saying: a woman becomes a mother when she gets a positive pregnancy test. A man becomes a father when he holds the baby in his arms. So I wouldn't worry! But I would let him know that you need a little more help in general.

I love that quote & it's soooooo true

 

[ovetta2001]

My OH is a little bit more emotional responsive to my needs thankfully and he is also just becoming excited about being a father but he isn't in the same mind set yet.

I think its very different for women. We feel like mums from the second we can communicate with out babies. For some that's as soon as they see the test...for others when we get movements. We get a second by second play of how our babie is doing. I even feel like me and the LO are connected. Its
wonderful. The OT if lucky sees movement or just mainly hears what I tell him.

Its one thing when we hear our friends are pregnant and we are excited
Its totally different when we see them in person

My OH can be silly sometimes but I view it as everyone else but you is waiting for the baby to arrive. You're the only one that knows they are already here and you're just waiting for the unveiling

 

[romeo.juliet]

Give it some time. Maybe seeing the baby growing inside of you and eventually feeling it move or kick or getting to see the sex of the baby (if you choose to know) will give him a jump start. Some men feel they have a while before the baby is even here and don't jump in right away.

 

[BeesKnees]

I think that's pretty typical, actually. If I said to my DH, "I want some ice cream," he would say, "You don't need ice cream. Wait twenty minutes and see if you're still hungry." (Gah!)

We just had an ultrasound and I must say, DH was about to lose his mind, since my doctor had two deliveries that morning and was running more than two hours late! But as soon as we saw the little baby on the screen he calmed right down.

But there's that saying: a woman becomes a mother when she gets a positive pregnancy test. A man becomes a father when he holds the baby in his arms. So I wouldn't worry! But I would let him know that you need a little more help in general.

Thank you. Yeah, I guess I have seen one too many movies.

 

[babyhopes2010]

men dont get it until u start looking preg or geta scan at 8 wks u feel v different but ur partner cant see any change x

 

[OctBebe]

He may not even show an intrest until LO is here. My OH has no intrest at all in this pregnancy but he too has another child a 5yo girl who he is WONDERFUL with. Scan pics didn't phase him nor does me showing him clothes.

Don't let it worry you too much x im sure when he actually see buba when he/she is born he will bond with all the love in the world.

 

[RHR]

Hi hun, when I was pregnant with my dd my OH was kind of excited. He was, but can't show it. This time round, he's the same but seems to be more distant from this pregnancy. Last night was the first time that he has actually talked to my bump and put his head against my bump wriggling around.

I know it is hard for men to feel really attached as they don't feel every little thing we do, but some support, hugs, kisses would be nice to.

 

[JackiePed]

Don't take it as a bad sign... mine is the same way, but is a great husband and GREAT father. He is just never very interested in pregnancy. It's too... intangible for him. Movies make you think men talk to your bump, get tears in their eyes, and talk with you non-stop about the baby... ha. Some men do... but the ones that don't aren't jerks... it just isn't real enough yet.

The moment my babies are born he is AMAZING with them. He just isn't overly interested in pregnancy. As for helping me out, he does somewhat, but I've learned to ask. He is used to me being tough and independent, so to get him into 'my wife is pregnant mode', I have to ask... and I'm ok with that. It just reminds him. He's very willing, he just forgets I need it-- or isnt' sure when I've crossed the line from "I'm fine, I'm not THAT pregnant!!" to "Ok now I need lots of help..."