10 month seperation anxiety for bedtime? Scared of dark? CIO???

[sevenofnine]

I feel like I'm posting a lot... sorry...

It's just that my daughter has changed SO much over the past month and I'm learning to adjust with her. She's become too smart for her own good, and is talking and close to walking and I'm just...

Anyways, since 6 months old she has been a dream at bedtime. Weird, really. I mean... I would just rock her for a minute or two, put her down, and.... lights out!

But the past two nights, the second I start lowering her down, she screams and has the most terrible, heart wrenching cry. It sounds like I've hurt her in every way possible and she is heartbroken. I usually walk out of the room after saying goodnight, only to return 60 seconds later to calm her down.

Tonight, I did this about 6 times. Each time, she cried terribly and violently when I started to put her down. Nothing is wrong... she doesn't seem ill, and honestly, she hardly ever cries like this unless she's scared or hurt (emotionally).

Finally, the 6th time I went in, I rocked her until I felt her "release" as if she had fallen asleep, and then I put her down, and she started crying immediately, trying to hold on to me.

I told her I loved her and said goodnight, and then came out. I decided this time, I would force myself to wait longer than 60 seconds. I waited for about 2 minutes, and she started to calm down, and by 3 minutes she was silent. She's still asleep now.

I really don't like the idea of CIO for me, it just breaks my heart. And so I feel bad even letting her cry for the 3 minutes that she did!

Any suggestions? Anything I can do better to help her feel more secure? Do you think it's separation anxiety or fear of the dark? (My gut says separation anxiety, but we haven't dealt with it until just now, isn't that weird??)

Thanks so much

 

[Julesillini8]

To me, letting her cry for 2 minutes until she settles to sleep isn't really CIO. If she self soothed to sleep in those 2 minutes of crying, I wouldn't be rushing in every 60 seconds. Give her a chance. Every mother hates to hear their baby cry, but I think maybe it's just cause she was held and cuddled and close to her mommy, then set down. ( I would complain too!)
You gotta do what you think, but I would give her a few minutes before going in 6 times after only crying for 60 seconds.

 

[sevenofnine]

To me, letting her cry for 2 minutes until she settles to sleep isn't really CIO. If she self soothed to sleep in those 2 minutes of crying, I wouldn't be rushing in every 60 seconds. Give her a chance. Every mother hates to hear their baby cry, but I think maybe it's just cause she was held and cuddled and close to her mommy, then set down. ( I would complain too!)
You gotta do what you think, but I would give her a few minutes before going in 6 times after only crying for 60 seconds.

I agree, and we will try tomorrow. I was more worried at first that she was ill or something so kept checking her because of that... she has NEVER cried like this before, so it took me off guard!

 

[Julesillini8]

Yeah, I DO understand how hard it is when they really wail. So hard to listen to. But at least you have that under your belt now, that she DID go to sleep on her own when you were able to muster the courage to let her cry for a little bit. Maybe that will build your confidence to try it again should the situation arise again.
To me, cry it out is a LONG time of them crying. I don't know the definition, maybe it differs person to person how long they think " cry it out" is? I think of like 30 or 60 minutes or something, and you know, for some people it has come to this as their last resort. I couldn't do that myself.... But sometimes my baby wakes during night, and my first instinct is to go run in and pick her up to get her to sleep again, but I look at the clock and tell myself to give her 10 min. If she's still screaming I will go in and pat her ( or something). But you know what, she always goes back to sleep on her own before that 10 minutes. I think now she has learned that Im not coming rushing in and that " oh, I guess I'm on my own, maybe I will just close.. My...eyes...." Haha.
Anyhow, hope this next night is better for you!

 

[Julesillini8]

Btw, I also have a toddler, so it was hard for me to come to this. I don't want to make it sound like its easy to just sit and let them cry a few minutes and see if they self settle back to sleep. I know it's hard, and for me, I didn't want the baby crying to wake up my toddler! But my baby hasn't nursed at night for awhile now, so I know she's not hungry, ESP if she does go back to sleep on her own so quickly. Anyhow, I am supporting the let her cry a few minutes first before you pick her up.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Jade is the same. She knows when I go out the door I am no longer in the room xx

 

[w8ing4bean]

Aww hun, u didnt do cio in those 3 mins i have no experience of this age yet. Sometimes when i put phoebe down for a nap she will cry and i feel awful but she falls to sleep pretty much straight away. Maybe sometimes they just need a little cry to themselves x

 

[detterose]

I will let you know when we figure it out Hunter is doing the same. Must be the age.

 

[biglebowski]

My lo went through a phase of this around that age, he then started to crawl (was a roller before) then mastered pull to stand and cruising. He went back to self settling after around a week. He will be 1 this week and the last few nights hes been crying and needing a lot of help to sleep again. He screams when we try to lay him down, quite heart breaking as he seems so distressed. Me and OH tend to take a turn each as hes heavy now but I cant face CIO. We are convinced hes working on standing himself and may be ready for first steps. Its amazing to see how much hes learning but it is messing with his ability to switch off. It just sounds as though your lo's brain is going 100 miles an hour and she needs a bit of extra help and comfort to switch off. You certainly didnt CIO by waiting a few mins. We lay lo and give him a min or 2 to settle as sometimes he whinges a little before going to sleep. You know the difference when they are really upset and need a bit of comfort. Im sure your lo will start sleeping well soon and will dazzle you with more cool skills!!

 

[sevenofnine]

Thank you everyone!



She slept through last night, only waking for a bottle at 6am and then sleeping until 7am, so that's good. I was worried she might wake up a couple times during the night and need comfort.

I am going to try and make the hour before bedtime more relaxing today, and really try to calm her so that bedtime isn't as much of a shock (last night we were up and playing pretty late, so it was probably hard to calm down for bed).

We'll see how it goes tonight, and today for naps.