11 year old daughter stealing sweets

[pixiewicks]

can anyone help, I am feeling like such a bad parent, just found out my daughter stole some chocolate and sweets from us to take to school for her friends, I am really upset as i feel like its my fault, I explained to her its wrong and she just rollls her eyes and says she is sorry, but I don't know what to do with her, I know she isn't stealing from friends/shops, but I really worry it may lead on to this, she gets everything she wants we never deprive her and i feel so disappointed in her, she did this to her dad aswell at his house, so obviously hasn't learn't from her actions......is she starting to go off the rails??

Thanks in advance

Angela.

 

[Blah11]

She stole them from you? Where were there? Thats kinda weird really. When I lived with my mum I'd take/eat food and not worry about it. IDK, I wouldn't worry about it it's not like she took money from your purse. she's not going off the rails. Don't make a big deal of it, just say to her that you'd appreciate being asked first.

 

[Lilicat]

Maybe the consequence could be that you don't buy sweet for a week or two. You could tell her that as you can't trust her not to take them without asking first you aren't willing to buy them.

That would be a bit more difficult if you have other children as it is unfair for them to miss out when they haven't done anything wrong.

 

[Windmills]

I don't really get how it was stealing, I don't think it's fair to buy stuff she's not allowed to eat..

 

[modo]

WSS

 

[Scamp]

I don't really get how it was stealing, I don't think it's fair to buy stuff she's not allowed to eat..

Yeah wss.
When I was younger, my parents would buy food that we weren't aloud. Just things like cake and grapes To them it was no big deal but I was gutted.
I might of gotten the wrong end of the stick and maybe there is more to it though

 

[Tasha]

I thought it might be that sweets/treats are to be asked for rather than just taken!?!

I dont think she is going off the rails, she just needs to told that she cant take without asking. I have to ask, is she having problems at school? Because it sounds like she might be because she feels she has to give her friends sweets in order for them to be friends. Obviously idk, but might be worth thinking about.

 

[pixiewicks]

Thanks for all your input, well in my house she cannot just go and eat what she likes, i would never say no, but a whole bag of sweets in one night is just too much!! then she lied to me and said they weren't even in the cupboard. I don't feel i am weird for making her ask for food, at the end of the day I want her to have a healthy balanced diet, not just eat junk food. The fact was the sweets were for the whole family not just one person. I have sat her down and explained that she can't buy friends with presents as i feel this is what was happening, and that they were her friends because they wanted to be not because what she had given them.

 

[xolily]

i would always sneak crisps/sweets out for my mates.. my mam used to go mental, said she could barely afford to feed us "let alone the whole bloody street!" it defo didn't lead on to anything though! just tell her if she carries it on, you won't be buying treats at all x

 

[Yazz_n_bump]

Wss.

Bit odd your daughter has to ask for food! I don't think she's going off the rails though for 'stealing' sweets. :/ She's not exactly stealing things from shops so it's nothing to worry about. Just say to her if she does it again, you won't be buying anymore sweets/treats for her or just to ask you first? I doubt it'll go any further than that.

 

[Me_Mi]

Thanks for all your input, well in my house she cannot just go and eat what she likes, i would never say no, but a whole bag of sweets in one night is just too much!! then she lied to me and said they weren't even in the cupboard. I don't feel i am weird for making her ask for food, at the end of the day I want her to have a healthy balanced diet, not just eat junk food. The fact was the sweets were for the whole family not just one person. I have sat her down and explained that she can't buy friends with presents as i feel this is what was happening, and that they were her friends because they wanted to be not because what she had given them.

I see a lot of others don't agree with the fact that your daughter has to ask for food - honestly, this is your choice. as long as she is not being starved, i do not look down on you for your parenting choices.for along time we didnt make our boys ask for food at all they could just take what they wanted. we changed this though, because it ended up being too lax and they would leave messes everywhere, and eat everything without concern for anyone else getting any. I totally get that the candy was not for just her, it was for the family, and so there is the problem. I wouldn't consider it a huge issue that will lead to her being a theif the rest of her life... but it needs to get through to her that other peoples feelings are important, and maybe other people would enjoy having some candy as well.

 

[v2007]

My eldest is 11 and she has to ask for snacks etc.

I am like you i dont want her to eat junk all day, she has her 3 meals a day with healthy snacks in between and the occasional bag of sweets.

For your child to steal food, she may be checking boundries to see how mauch she can get away with.

I would just discipline her as you see fit and hope she does not do it again.

I dont think she is going of the rails.



V xxxs

 

[Deethehippy]

I agree with the person above, my children are 11 and nearlly 9 and if they want things from the fridge/cupboards they have been taught to ask.
After all, it is not them buying the food. I hardly ever say no but obviously if they wanted 3 packets of crisps in a row then i would.
I think you need to remind your daugter that she has to ask and not just take.
I don't think she is very naughty for doing this, just wanting to fit in with peers etc. Maybe you could suggest she pays for any taken food from her pocket money or some such thing to remind her of the rules

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

I dont think its a big issue im afraid.

 

[special_kala]

My eldest is 11 and she has to ask for snacks etc.

I am like you i dont want her to eat junk all day, she has her 3 meals a day with healthy snacks in between and the occasional bag of sweets.

For your child to steal food, she may be checking boundries to see how mauch she can get away with.

I would just discipline her as you see fit and hope she does not do it again.

I dont think she is going of the rails.



V xxxs

I agree with V

 

[Jo]

When I read OP i was a bit stealing food from her own house, it didn't sit well with me.

But I now agree she should be punished in some way, My children don't have to ask for normal food (but they do, "mum can I have a sandwich?") and they have an open fruit bowl (they still ask) but they do have to ask for sweets/treats, just because that is all they would eat if allowed.
It is all about respect and boundries IMO.

I honestly don't think it will lead to proper full on stealing from shops etc..
I really wouldn't worry about it too much it seems typical 11 year old girl behaviour, no thought for anyone and everything is here and now.