14 years and pregnant... Help!

[AshlaTano]

Hello everyone...

I'm 14 years old and I live in the Netherlands, so sorry if my English is bad. 3 weeks ago, I... I got raped (I don't know if that's the right word) by an older boy, I didn't know him. I didn't know that I could be pregnant, but about a week ago I wasn't feeling well and I went to the doctor. She told me that... that I was pregnant. I was shocked, confused, and scared, and I didn't know what to do. I haven't told anyone, except for some friends on Instagram. I'm really scared, what if my parents will find out? I don't have a good relationship with them and it will only get worse.
Anyone, please help me! I don't know what to do...

 

[tcinks]

I'm so sorry this happened to you Is there any adult you can talk to ? Why would your parents be upset with you for being raped? It isn't your fault. Could you talk to the police? A guidance counselor?

 

[mara16jade]

Have you gone to the police? You should tell your parents what happened, and then go together to the police. I'm so sorry this happened.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I also have been raped before as a teen and it wasn't something I wanted to talk to my parents about, particularly my dad who I haven't ever had a good relationship with.. I also did not go to the police as it seemed worse to have to explain and re live everything, but it is an option especially considering the pregnancy.

Please don't let anybody ever tell you it was your fault or if you hadn't done ______ it wouldn't have happened.. rape is never your fault.

Do you have a teacher you trust that you could talk to? You could ask if there is a time you could speak privately with them? Or maybe your doctor if you feel comfortable with her?

 

[AshlaTano]

I know that I have to tell someone (an adult) about it, but I can't think of anyone. I mean, I'm 14 years old and pregnant! How would they react? And what with my school? If my classmates find out... I always have trouble with talking to others, I'm quite shy... I'm actually afraid of talking to others, and especially about me being pregnant...

 

[Parkep]

But the pregnancy was NOT your fault. Non of this is your fault. If you need to write your parents or a trusting adult a letter or email. Explain what happened and that you are pregnant.
Big hugs to you hun.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Honestly?

I think your parents will be upset and shocked BUT they will accept you and help you after the initial shock or at least i would..

You HAVE to tell them.

So what if kids at school say something. Its your life and your baby's. Unless they are offering to babysit, ignore them. Kids will make fun of someone for anything these days sadly.

and please get yourself to a dr. You need tested for STDs and to talk about what happened to you.

 

[ClairAye]

An adult such as a doctor would not react badly. It is not their place to anyway but being the victim of rape, I wouldn't imagine any adult judging you. Do you have a regular doctor or maybe one you've not seen before if that would help make it even a slight bit easier? Maybe a teacher? I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[Wobbles]

Hi

You really need to be able to turn to your parents. I understand you are pregnant but you have been sexually assaulted. If your parents are not approachable can you turn to the school, a teacher you trust and feel comfortable with who can provide support you need to approach your parents firstly.

what about grandparents or a close family member.

What has happened to you is not ok sweetie, the pregnancy is not your fault and your parents should be there to support you, I hope with everything knowing little about them that they are. They cannot be angry, upset or anything else with 'you'.

Please talk to someone soon x

 

[Wish85]

I am sorry you are going through this.

You need to talk to your parents about the situation, regardless of whether you are shy. Personality traits does not change the fact you have been sexually assaulted which is a criminal offence. This needs to be reported.

You need an appropriate level of prenatal care for baby now that you know you are pregant ie checkup's, scans, prenatal vitamins etc.

You mentioned you went to the Doctor. Did they not provide you with advice, information on what your next steps should be or some sort of counsellor you can talk to?

As the other's have said, please know this is NOT your fault. Rape is never anyone's fault except for the perpetrator's. It is nothing to feel ashamed about.

All the best.

 

[Tropiclands]

Well hopefully your parents realize that, as others have said, you didn't bring this on yourself. The rape, and correlating pregnancy, ARE circumstances beyond your control. As has been suggested, you need to involve the police. If you are scared to this directly, maybe talk to a school counselor or someone you trust who will help you get the police involved? Just try not to get overwhelmed and also work on getting the life inside you the care that it needs also.

 

[Left wonderin]

Hi I know things are not ok now but I promise someday they will be again. This is too big to carry on your own , sharing with someone you trust will really help . Do you have a best friend ? Maybe you could talk to her mum ? Telling another adult is a good idea and I bet they will help you talk to your mum and dad when your ready .

What happened was NOT your fault . Getting pregnant was NOT your fault . Yes your mum and dad might be very shocked and very upset at first ( for you not at you ) but I'm sure they will want to be there to help you through this . You must be so scared right now. once you tell just one grown up things will be easier and will get better .
Sending you a big hug

 

[vermeil]

*gentle hug* no one will judge you... please write a letter or email to someone you trust. Thinking of you

 

[AshlaTano]

I still haven't told them...
I don't know when my stomach will start to grow, and if it already started to grow...
I'm so scared...

I have a little question: I've read that when you're pregnant, you can feel terrible when you wake up (or something like that) When does that begin?

[Edited as per the forum rules]


And another question: can I finish my school, even when I'm pregnant and maybe a mother?



I know that I have to tell my parents soon, but I'm so scared... I just can't do it...

 

[Maries_s]

Often when you're in the first trimester you can get morning sickness. No every pregnancy is the same some women are lucky and never got them.

I graduated from school long time ago but I had some friends that where 14, 15, 17 and got pregnant (different years) and they all finished school even after baby has come. Even when they were in a different situation than you and got pregnant accidentally by their boyfriends their parents had come to term with their daughters and help them. So yes you can finish you school.

Please, as soon as you tell you can start receiving help. Have you went to a doctor already? Are you taking prenatal vitamins? Is very important for you and the baby that you take care of yourself.

 

[vermeil]

Please write a letter to someone like a teacher, nurse etc that you trust. Then ask if they'll help you tell your parents. The longer you delay, the harder it will be, the less options you'll have. Yes it will be very hard but you will feel better after - don't try to carry this huge emotional weight on your own *hugs*

 

[gingmg]

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I hope you tell someone soon. This wasn't your fault, please remember that. You might feel better after you tell someone to not be going through this alone. We will be here to support you, but you need an adult in real life that you trust too. Thinking of you and sending big hugs!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I still haven't told them...
I don't know when my stomach will start to grow, and if it already started to grow...
I'm so scared...

I have a little question: I've read that when you're pregnant, you can feel terrible when you wake up (or something like that) When does that begin?

[Edited as per the forum rules]


And another question: can I finish my school, even when I'm pregnant and maybe a mother?



I know that I have to tell my parents soon, but I'm so scared... I just can't do it...

It will be bloated at first then go down and start to grow around 3-5mo. ( everyone is different though)

You can get morning sickness until about 12wks, BUT not everyone does and not everyones goes away then

Yes you can and SHOULD finish school. Youll need a daycare to watch the baby though.

 

[happycupcake]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I was in a similar situation myself at your age too so I understand how frightening this all is for you.
The first person I told was a teacher, my English teacher as I had always got on with her, she was so lovely. I didn't tell her any details, this was before I knew for sure I was pregnant, but I wanted to know much like yourself what the symptoms were and stuff like that and she was helpful and didn't push me for more. She just said I could talk to her if I wanted to. I then spoke to my psychologist and we did a test during the session to confirm and this is when I found out for sure I was pregnant. She told my parents. Unfortunately I didn't have any relationship with them though, so they weren't a source of support for me (or rather, my dad was, but I was being told so many lies by people, I didn't know and I thought he hated me). It was a complicated situation.
I did report it eventually but it took me a number of years to do so and I can say from experience that sadly this didn't do me any favours, leaving it so long, although he did go to prison. If there's any part of you that feels you can report this person then please try to do this sooner rather than later. It isn't a nice experience but this person shouldn't be allowed to get away with what he has done to you and the police will look after you, they can put you in touch with a wealth of support too. Huge hugs to you x x

 

[wookie130]

I don't know if this has been asked yet, but do you know the boy who assaulted you? Have you sought any action against him? I know it's a great deal of time after the fact, but you need to report this to someone. Forcing someone into sex is a crime, and it will NEVER be your fault that this happened. You're right...you're very young, and your parents will be in shock. However, you will need support, and you do have options...but it's best to tell someone ASAP, so that you can get help both emotionally, and also physically for your pregnancy - no matter how you choose to handle it.

Honey, if you don't tell someone, this boy could very well be raping other people. He must be stopped, and cannot be allowed to get away with this. I know it's frightening, but you have to do it. It doesn't matter who you talk to, as long as it's someone who will listen, and help you take those first few steps. Your parents really must know...

Please keep us updated on how you're doing, and take care.