1st night home without my babies

[bek74]

Just got back from visiting Brooke and Michael and my heart is breaking, tears streaming down my face. I want my babies home, I want to smell them, hold them just be with them. To come home without my big pregnant belly and no babies is just killing me.

Tonight isn't a good night................................

 

[AP]

i feel your pain hun, it was horrific, i refused to go home for days but in time i realised i couldnt live in hospital for months. i cuddled her teddy every night and cried.

Remember, they will be home soon. I had a picture by my bed, and you can phone neonatal anytime

 

[katy1310]

Awww, I totally understand how you are feeling, it's just awful. Sophie has been in neonatal for 9 weeks now and still has 4 to go to her due date. It's just heartbreaking isn't it? It goes against everything that is natural, coming home having given birth, and it's an empty house and no baby (or babies in your case). I really struggled when I first came home - all the feelings of being a new mummy but no baby at home with us, all the presents and cards that we got that showed signs of a new baby but she wasn't here with us.

As SB22 says, you can phone neonatal at any time, day or night and they are more than happy to talk to you any time. It's hard and I can't say it gets any easier leaving your baby behind but the weeks do go in quite quickly. When you have it stretching ahead of you it seems like an eternity, especially till you know how you are going to handle it. But you do get into a routine of sorts and sad though it is, visiting neonatal becomes a way of life and somehow you do get through it.

when you see your baby starting to progress and see the milestones etc it's amazing and kind of helps you along.

If you need to talk to someone going through it all right now, PM me and I'm happy to be a shoulder to cry on.

 

[lottie7]

Thinking of you. I hope you have a strong supportive family. Here's to your two gorgeous babies coming home soon.
Kay1310 - You're little girl looks gorgeous. I have now had pre eclampsia twice. It was a truly awful experience. I hope you are ok.
xx

 

[Foogirl]

It is so hard isn't it. The hardest thing I ever had to do. and, honestly, the best thing you can do is just give in to it - for a wee while. The hormones are all over the place and it is such an emotional time anyway. There will be time for strength and courage, but right now, have a weep, eat large amounts of chocolate, and feel a little sorry for yourself.

With each day, it gets - well, not easier - but less painful to leave. And the hope you feel as you see them grow and take their little baby steps in this world, will carry you through the process.

Nobody can tell you how long they will be there, but as has been said, there will be a routine of sorts and you come to appreciate the time you have to heal, and get better and stronger so when they do finally come home, you are ready to deal with whatever that brings. I look back on the 6 weeks Abby was in NNICU and it was full of joyful firsts - off the c-pap, first cuddles, first breastfeed, first time in the cot. There are so many more "moments" you get with premmie babies that most mothers never get to experience.

And at the end of that journey you will have learned so much about yourself and you realise just how special you and your babies are.

We've all got you in our thoughts and hope your little ones are home with you very soon. In the meantime we are all here for you, anytime you need to vent or rant or ask or even just share the happy news with us.

 

[katy1310]

Thinking of you. I hope you have a strong supportive family. Here's to your two gorgeous babies coming home soon.
Kay1310 - You're little girl looks gorgeous. I have now had pre eclampsia twice. It was a truly awful experience. I hope you are ok.
xx

Thank you Sophie is doing really well, she will be 9 weeks old on Sunday (36 weeks gestation) and is now 4lb 10 - seems huge after her birthweight of 1lb 13.8! We just can't wait to get her home. I hope you are ok after your two times of pre eclampsia - it's an evil thing. xxx

 

[Bec L]

I feel upset for you all just reading your posts about having to leave your babies in hospital. It is such a horrible time and it feels like your life is on hold until you can be normal and be a 'mummy' without having to worry about wires and nurses and regulated feed times etc.
I remember walking round Asda with my OH in a daze picking up tiny baby clothes and thinking I have no bump and no baby with me and it was the strangest feeling.

FX all the hospital babies will be home very soon xxx

 

[grumpymoo]

I so so feel for you, bless you. sending you big big hugs and just hold onto the fact its will end and you will have them with you

 

[NeyNey]

Oh Sweetheart, I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you Text me anytime if you need to talk xoxoxoxox

 

[divadexie]

I know how it feels too, it's horrible!

I had someone say to me ''surely it should get easier to leave the more you do it'' wtf??
no, it doesnt get easier to come home with no baby, but it is reassuring to know that is the best place possible for them to be.

I have been coming home with no baby for 4 weeks now and I have still not had a cuddle with her, it is very hard.

But we are all here for eachother xx

 

[_Vicky_]

oohh lord I have teared up just reading your post. Fynn was in NICU for nearly three weeks - no words can describe the feelings you have.

BUT and I know you wont believe me and atm it feels like there is no end in sight when you get them home it will seem like they have been there forever and its only a teeny tiny part of the amazing journey you have with your girls.

Much love and big big hugs xxxxxxxx

 

[KawaiiNinja]

I'm terribly sorry to hear about what you're going through, I know how it feels since I'm going through it right now as well.
I've just had my baby 4 days ago, and because he was only 35 weeks and 4 days, they had to keep him in Special Care in an incubator to help with his breathing. After giving birth, I managed to hold him briefly one time and then the doctors wheeled him off straight to the Special Care Unit, I was totally heartbroken. I was discharged the next day and my baby still remained in the hospital. I know, it is the worst feeling ever to go home without holding a baby in your arms, it makes me miss my pregnant belly too, I cried and cried holding his teddy bear, my partner was upset too but we couldn't do anything but wait for our little boy to get better soon.
Another thing that's so upsetting is when the doctors can never tell how long they will keep your baby in the hospital for, it's different for all babies so it doesn't make it reassuring at all, but I should look more towards the bright side and keep telling myself that they are safe. However, I make the effort to go visit my baby everyday to give him some breastmilk, but because of his condition right now, I can't hold him just yet, he has to be tube fed until they can tell me when it's alright to take him out of the incubator. But yes, everytime I walk away from the Special Care Unit, it hurts to leave my baby behind and I can't help but cry.
I really do hope things go well for you (which I do believe will!) and that your babies will be home soon, just always remember though, that they are in good hands and they are being cared for 100% so that they can go home to you as soon as they can. I guess it's better that your babies are cared for now.

 

[Laura2919]

God I know this feeling oh so well as all of us prem mums do!
No matter how many months pass I still get choked up remembering how I felt.

They will be home soon hun! I spent 28 days without my girls and it was hard but they came home and life started.. I was well rested and ready to be a proper mummy to the girls!!! Take time you need to rest up too!! It gives you time to get really ready for them to come home cos when they do your gonna be super busy!!

 

[bek74]

Thankyou everyone.

My babies were supposed to be transported back to my local private hospital today but my hospital are short staffed and can't take on two more little ones at the moment, they will be trying again for Tuesday transfer.
As for how long they will be in hospital for, they told me they won't release them before they are 38wks corrected but it could even be longer depending on how they feed and what not.
Michael still has alot of Brady's (heart rate drops) but he self corrects and he is still having Apnea moments. Brooke is alot stronger and hasn't had an apnea in a few days and very little Brady's, hers lasts only a split second.
Michael now weighs 1506grams (3lb 5.12oz) and Brooke weighs 1302grams (2lb 13.9oz) so they are gaining weight and heading back towards their original birth weight.
Thankyou all for your kind words and support. Sorry I am not on much but with running after my 3 older children and trips back and forth to the hospital I just don't get time to log on.

Again thankyou all....

 

[TwoBumps]

So glad that they are doing well! Are they having any assistance with their breathing or is it just the bradys they are struggling with?

Its so frustrating that no-one can tell you how long they will be in for & it feels like an eternity whilst they are in there. They will soon be home though & you'll be able to enjoy every minute with them x x

 

[bek74]

So glad that they are doing well! Are they having any assistance with their breathing or is it just the bradys they are struggling with?

Its so frustrating that no-one can tell you how long they will be in for & it feels like an eternity whilst they are in there. They will soon be home though & you'll be able to enjoy every minute with them x x

No they are having NO breathing assistance, it's just the bradys (especially Michael) they are struggling with. Brooke doesn't have very many at all, she is alot stronger than our little man, but he is growing and will gain strength everyday. Brooke now weighs 1338grams and Michael weighs 1536grams so very good healthy weight gain.

 

[Foogirl]

No they are having NO breathing assistance, it's just the bradys (especially Michael) they are struggling with. Brooke doesn't have very many at all, she is alot stronger than our little man, but he is growing and will gain strength everyday. Brooke now weighs 1338grams and Michael weighs 1536grams so very good healthy weight gain.

I'm so glad they are coming along well. It does seem like an eternity in NNICU, but looking back it feels like it flew by.

I was always told that girls do better than boys in NNICU. I understand it has something to do with gestation, apparently girls develop quicker in utero whereas boys leave all their growing to the last minute - typical men!

Fingers crossed they will continue to thrive and will be home before you know it. They told us she wouldn't be home before her due date and she came home after 6 weeks - 5 weeks before she was due.

 

[NeyNey]

Honey, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you

 

[Kitty23]

You poor thing I know how you feel it was horrid leaving the twins in hospital but just concentrate on them coming out.xxx

 

[JASMAK]